Thursday, December 29, 2016

My Oldest Son's Birthdahy

Yesterday was my oldest son's birthday. He is in his mid 30s. I had to celebrate his birthday in silence as T L Ogre has firmly forbidden me to EVER talk about him again.

Just like everyone else in the world, my son, LL, isn't perfect. He has had far more than his share of troubles and 'learning' experiences. At the moment, sadly, LL and I are not on speaking terms. I try to keep up with him through other family members, to be sure he is okay, (right now he is reasonably okay) but I had to quit trying to hold him up for now, there is just a lot of other things that goes into it. He has an addictive personality and currently has a serious problem with alcohol. I don't approve, so that makes him angry. Anyway, I do love him very dearly and pray a lot that he will wake up and get his life together a bit better. There is such a good person inside of him that got lost.

One day last month, T L Ogre was in the midst of one of his all day, every little bit violent verbal rages. He was spewing venom over every little thing he could think of and laying down new rules, one right after the other. It was getting mind boggling because he was bringing up things that we hadn't been talking about and I had no idea he felt was a problem, but there he was, raging on everything under the sun and laying down the law on so many things that I didn't even have a clue was a problem. Then, out of the blue, he screamed in a red skinned rage, "And I don't EVER want to hear you talk about your oldest son, LL, again! NEVER!!!" Huh? What was he talking about? He saw my puzzled look and rage on, "Your son, LL, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, talk about him again! Just let it go, forget about him! I have GOOD kids. MY kids are good! NEVER let me hear you talking about your oldest son, LL again!"

This is my son! My first born child! I love him with my whole heart! He isn't perfect, but no one is. We all make our mistakes, then mommies hope and pray they get back on track. He is my son, I carried him a full term, felt him moving around inside of me, snuggled inside of me, was ornery inside of me when he didn't like the way I was sitting (I still smile and giggle on the memory of that), and such wonderful memories of his growing up years. As a young adult, we were very, very close. This is MY SON! My oldest and first born! To tell me to forget about him, to let him go, to NEVER, EVER talk about him again, is far beyond cruel and heartless! This hurt far more than anything else T L Ogre has done yet to me. This was probably the biggest determining factor in my firm decision to leave this monster as soon as I can figure out a way. It is also proof of the ogre's extreme desire to pull me away from my family and friends into deeper isolation.


Signed - Betty Sue

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