Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Nobody Gives a DA N!

It was the night before our hardest freeze yet this season (last Friday night). I was working hard trying to get all the critters warmly bedded down. It was time to feed the dogs. I sat down to catch my breath and TL Ogre came up to see if I was ready to feed the dogs yet. He asked what we were feeding them (Meaning, "Did you get any homemade dog food made today.")  I told him we were feeding them "cookies and milk" tonight because there was just enough dog food for in the morning.  (We had to go out of town in the morning and feeding dog food would be faster then).

Awhile back, we had gotten a super great deal on some close-out graham cracker cookies and gave those to the dogs on occasion for a treat (bowl full). He kept twisting my words around (in extreme anger), pretending not to know what I was saying. He kept screaming, "We don't have ANY dog food left?!"

I kept telling him that we had enough for one more feeding so if we gave them cookies tonight, then dog food in the morning, it would last until we were in town the next day when we would be going to the store. (You don't just up and run in to town every time you are out of something when you live way out in the country.)

He screamed, "When I asked you the other day how much dog food was left, you said we had enough to go through Saturday morning!!! I would have gotten more then if you had told the truth!! Why didn't you tell me?!!!" (no he wouldn't have)

I said, calmly, "I told you that that was just an estimate. I said it was a rough guess. give or take a little. I offered (three times) to go measure it out and get an exact amount and you said no, that that was a close enough guess. I said it could be off a little. (I was off one feeding).

I explained one more time, "If we feed them the cookies and milk tonight, then the last feeding of dog food in the morning, we can get more dog food when we go in to town and all will be well."

He totally reworded my sentence in a very strange way (so strange I can't even remember, he has his own language) and growled, "THAT is how you should have worded my answer so I could understand it!!!" He then went into another angry, violent, verbal rage that I thought would never quit. It was dark by now, and I was still sitting in my short chair (outside). He was a few feet away and had his head lamp on with fresh charged batteries that made it extra bright. As he raged and spewed every degrading thing and threat he could think of at me, he also started shining that blasted bright light down in my eyes. I tried to shade my eyes with my hands but he just kept working that light into my eyes as he raged and growled with clenched teeth. I pulled the corner of my robe up over my eyes to try and block out some of the light, but he came up closer, almost against me, right in my face, to make sure the bright light was shining into my eyes as he violently raged like a lunatic and I sat huddled and curled up into a ball in my tiny little chair. After what seemed like an eternity, he stopped and asked me a question, expecting me to look at him to answer. I sheepishly asked if he could take the light away so I could answer. He hesitated, decided to move the light away, I answered his question (whew! It was the right answer!), and he finished his raging tantrum by screaming the following:
"NOBODY cares about you!!! NOBODY gives a damn about you or what happens to you!!! Nobody else loves you!!! NOOOOBODY cares!!! NOBODY is going to help you! NOBODY cares what happens to you so NOBODY is going to help you!! NOBODY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOU!!!!!"

He then, totally satisfied with himself, walked off to get the dogs' fresh water.

He must have gotten some kind of release that night, some kind of 'fix' because he has been calmer since. It will build back up, though, I have no doubt.

To those of you that are also in a domestic violence situation, PLEASE understand that that last horrendous statement that he made was VERY classic of a domestic abuser. It was meant to make me feel worthless, unloved, and with no hope to escape so don't even think about it. Stay strong and don't let statements like this get to you, don't believe it. (I say this as I try to follow my own words, too)

signed -  Betty Sue


  1. call DVIS SHELTER 918 743 5763 OR GOOGLE dvis I WANT TO HELP !PACK A BAG N WALK AWAY from it all girl let humane society rescue the animals begin a new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. I have an offer to help that way, but I won't leave the animals, especially the dogs and favorite cats. We have been through too much together and they have been my rock. I won't let me and my babies be punished/separated because of his idiocy. It would feel like he won. I am shooting for another option first. I will lay it all out in a post on here as soon as I can. Love you! And I do thank you for the number. I will keep it on hand.


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