Yesterday started as lately's usual, just before he left for work, he gave me a most HORRIBLE verbal and emotional beating, complete with threats, name calling, setting even more new rules, intimidation, belittling, screaming, horrific statements, etc. Oh, and of course, yet another impossible chore list. He then left for work and errands, returning much later than usual. More on that in another post or video.
He seemed a bit calmer when he came home last night. There was still an edge there, and warning tones in his voice if I didn't choose the correct words when I spoke or answered him. He even allowed me to cook after dark (quick cook stuff only) because he had been gone so long and I didn't know when he would be home to eat. We ate in our 'usual of late' silent dining, then finished our nightly chores. There were extra because it was so cold and extra critters had to have hot water bottles in their beds. He was like a quiet, sad puppy dog all evening.
During the night, he did; however, try to "force" me to snuggle as we slept by wrapping the edge of the covers around him and giving me a short edge. Remember, we are in a large tent with just an old kerosene heater for warmth. I don't want to stray, here, so I will save the rest of that for another post.
Today, he got up all bright eyed and happy! He was all pleasant, upbeat, "I love you bunches", huggy,
. . . . . my old, sweet Honey. Am I going to fall for that? NO! He has not apologized for anything, He has no remorse for anything he has done, all of his new, crazy rules are still in force (some life threatening for the animals) . . . . ., nothing is really different. He probably just understands that, for now, he has pushed me to the point of wanting to leave (HE can tell me to leave, but I can't decide that for myself or there will be consequences) so he is pouring on the sugar, baiting the line with yummy, sweet cookie dough, with the intention of reeling me back in while being so grateful that he is sweet again, that I will just blow off all that had recently occurred. It is a cycle with the domestic abuser. I know it now and I won't fall for it again.
I will play along to a degree (he will still have to understand that his behaviors of late are NOT acceptable), to keep things as calm around here as possible, but I will still continue to do my best to try and figure a way out of here for me, my pets, my farm critters and my belongings. I have found (online) a couple pieces of property that would work great, but I can't go look at them in person to check them and the area out, and that still leaves the problem of money to purchase one and money to move with and set up pens before I move the animals. God Bless me and my babies, PLEASE!
Signed - Betty Sue
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