Monday, December 26, 2016

Deeper Isolation Coming

For awhile, now, T L Ogre has been using threats to have this and that disconnected as one of his methods to control me. His threats don't make sense. The reasons he gives aren't logical. I guess he thinks I will think they are logical.

He keeps threatening to turn off the Internet. He keeps telling me that I need to use the Internet to make money, but then he sabotoges all of my efforts to do so. In other words, he wants to turn the Internet off to further isolate me, but he needs to make it look like I was a bad girl so he HAD to turn it off. He also said he will turn it off if I don't tell him first, what I talk to my friends about online. An example .... one day he had gone off into one of his extreme violent verbal rages. I was so upset, and the vibrations of his raging voice went through me so badly that my heart was jumping around all weird and the entire left side of my body began to go numb. I have told him that when he does that, that is what happens to me, but he doesn't care. Actually, he rages even harder. Anyway, one day it was particularly bad and I needed someone to know how I was physically feeling (the phone was out of order where he works so I couldn't even reach him if I wanted to) so I posted on my Facebook page how I was feeling, but not why. A numb left side of your body is not a good thing and someone needed to know I was having problems.

My friends jumped on it, they were obviously worried about me, and trying to get me to go to the ER immediately. (Oh, and I had also been left with a chore list that was impossible to complete, which I had to push through the numbness and get as far as I could through it). When he came home that afternoon and saw that I had talked to my friends about how sick I was feeling, he came unglued! Needless to say, I had to endure another screaming, laying down the law, or else verbal beating! He said that if I EVER posted something again that I hadn't told him first, especially about my health, he would disconnect the Internet! He INSISTED that I go in right then and post that I was just fine, now. Ugh! If I didn't, he would have the Internet turned off. I was forced to lie to my friends to keep from being further isolated.

Since that day, he has gone into several rages for the sole purpose of threatening to disconnect the Internet. I would think that he would miss it too much, but then I forget, he could probably use his sister's Internet when he was working at her house. He is definitely trying to further isolate me. Now he is planning on going even a step further.

Although we are totally off grid in our living area (where our tent and fenced in yard is), we do still have a little bit of electric (a few outlets) inside the old house on the property, mostly in the old office. This is where our phone is (that doesn't work without electric), our computer, Internet, and where we charge our phones and batteries. Well, now he is threatening to have ALL of the electric cut off, too! THAT would finish cutting me off completely with the outside world.

The electric bill for this month had come in the other day. It was quite a bit higher than it usually is, but still, under $100. Something had really added to it this month. I could come up with three things.... a little crockpot in the old bathroom that we keep going to keep the pipes from freezing up, a little bit bigger light bulb in the chicken brooder because we had a hard cold snap (actually, he remembered that one), and, the hot water tank is electric. Over the past month and a half to two months, he has started talking long, hot, soaking baths, almost every night. He had taken one now and then to "soak" his sore foot and leg in a soak solution (salts and essential oils), but  now he just seems to think he needs to take a long, hot, soaking bath nearly every night (at least, until the tub finishes falling through the floor). He fills the tub up with hot water, soaks, dumps it, repeats about three times total. That's a lot of hot water! I promise you, this REALLY has added to the electric bill. He has that hot water tank set to nearly boiling hot.

He insists that the hot water tank isn't running it up that much, that it must be that little crock pot or the brooder light. He is firm that if the next bill that comes in is higher than the usual, the electric is going off! You see, we got some low income energy assistance for the past two months (winter months), so we didn't have much of a bill, but the next one we will have a full bill. So what does he do, tonight? He heads in to take his usual, long, hot, soaking bath, with all the hot refills! He said as he went in, "Guess I better enjoy it before I have to have it turned off." What?! Are you kidding me?! THAT is what is going to get it high and make him turn it off! He is setting it up! He is personally running it up so he CAN have an excuse to cut the electric off, rendering me completely cut off from the outside world, which I am sure is the actual purpose.

I am trying not to be scared, but this is really concerning me. When this happens, I will be without transportation, phone, Internet, NOTHING. I am concerned about him reaching yet another level of violence and me not being able to contact anyone. This is not good. The look on his face tonight appeared to be one of pure satisfaction, when he spoke about having to have the electric turned off. He says, "It is time to take that next big step to going off grid."  I don't even get to get out to go to the grocery store any more (where I could slip someone a note if I had to). He has recently also taken over all of the grocery shopping. I don't think I want to know what this is leading to next.
Keep me and my critters in your prayers, please!

Signed - Betty Sue

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