Friday, January 20, 2017

Two Month Update on My Bashed Hand

It was two months ago today that T L Ogre bashed my hand, badly injuring it. It is still far from healed and I am beginning to wonder if the damage to it is permanent. I really need to go and get it checked, I just have no way to get there, not sure where to go in this town, can't afford a bill, and scared to leave the critters alone with him while I go anywhere.

I do have some small improvements in my hand. I am able to use it some, now, but any pressure on it induces a lot of pain and tingly numbness. The tingly numbness is improving some, but there is still a lot there. At least, over the past week or so, the tingly numbness hasn't run quite all the way up to my shoulder. It has stayed more localized in my hand and wrist, with the majority of it in my hand and fingers. Just as when it first happened, when I have used it too much and the tingly numbness sets in hard, it feels like my fingers have, or are about to, blow off.

My hand draws up a lot, too, curling my straight fingers around and in to the center of my palm. This especially happens when it is tired from use (which doesn't take long) or it is cold. It happens really badly when my hand gets cold or the weather turns off colder. This really sends pains shooting through it! It is pretty much impossible to use it at all when it does this drawing up.

I have learned to use my wrist in place of my hand a lot. This creates even more pain, though, because that wrist is weak with arthritis. The extra use on my wrist makes it swell up and hurt almost beyond use. So.... I move on up and learn to use my forearm more in place of my wrist and hand. This still eliminates a lot of things I am able to do that absolutely requires a full hand with strength. Remember, this is my dominant, strong hand, too. I truly feel blessed, though, that I can write with either  hand.

The area where I am positive a bone was broken still swells up daily. Sometimes the swelling doesn't go down at all. Over the past week I have tried to knit a bit again, thinking it is time to work my hand a little more and more fine tuned. Not sure if this was wise, because the possible broken spot has swelled up the biggest it has swelled in weeks and the pain has drastically increased, again. I just wish I knew if by using it, I am helping it or making it worse. I can't even begin to express to you how far down it takes me to have one of my hands out of commission! We take our hands far too much for granted. With so much arthritis in my legs and back, I have to put a lot of weight and pressure on both of my hands to get into and back up out of chairs, or anywhere I sit. With even one of my hands messed up, it makes getting in and out of a seat soooo much harder! .... sometimes nearly impossible. Even just scooting back up in the chair when I start sliding down, is difficult to nearly impossible at times, due to this bashed up hand.  I badly injured my other hand years ago and arthritis set up in it, so this hand has had to take a lot of the load off of the other hand. Now, at the moment, getting my own self around (up and down, especially) has become extremely difficult.

The motor skills in my hand that T L Ogre bashed up are also still not functioning properly. I can't put pressure on it and anything that requires fine tuned motor skills just doesn't work, yet. It is so frustrating. Even something as simple as picking up a dog food kibble becomes a frustrating, nearly impossible task. I have to focus really hard, and make several tries to pick something like that up. Usually I give up and use the other hand. Sometimes I have to just completely give up the task at hand.

Today, at the two month mark, my hand is not cooperating well with typing. I am having a hard time hitting the proper keys and the backspace button is still my best friend on this keyboard. My hand is very slow to react, too, especially my fingers. My mind is typing away, but my hand/fingers just won't move even close to that fast. The spot where I am positive a bone was/is broken, is swelled up bigger than it has been in a couple of weeks. This is sooo frustrating! Oh, how I wish he had never hit me!!! And still today, he has no remorse for hitting my hand with that big fat tree branch. He still feels that I somehow deserved it. I have mentioned it a few times, about  how bad my hand is and how bad it hurts. He just gives me a dirty look, shrugs his shoulders and walks away. I was in so much shock that he would do such a thing to me. I was in even more shock that he had no remorse nor guilt for doing it. I was beyond shock to the point of stunned numbness that he felt I deserved it. I just don't get how anyone can be that void of feeling, and that intent on hurting others because they hurt, so someone else has to hurt, too. I truly hope and pray I can get all of us out of here before something even worse happens.

Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day.

Signed - Betty Sue

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