Friday, March 31, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals - Part 3

T L Ogre's body seems to "need" much more booze than he is getting right now. He gets a bottle a week, then attempts to ration it out so that it lasts the entire week. So far, he has only made that goal once in recent weeks. For awhile, he still had some scotch that he made up the difference with, but that, too, is now gone, as far as I know. He does still have one, super special OLD bottle of scotch, but he saves that for super extra special occasions.

He gets his 'bottle' on Wednesday afternoon. Wednesdays are his paydays and he goes in to town after he gets off of work to run his errands and get his bottle. This week, once again, he ran out of booze before his payday. He drank his last big glass on Monday night. (he drinks alone in his tent at the days' end) This meant that he didn't get any booze on Tuesday night, like his body and mind were used to. Wednesday morning T L Ogre got up on edge and a bit grumpy. He got up and did his morning chores, then I got up and we got the dogs fed. He was very cross, on edge, and obviously in high anxiety mode. I tried to say as little as possible, get the dogs fed as quickly as possible, then steer clear of him until he left for work at his sister's house.

When he got back from work and errands, to say he was in high anxiety mode and alcohol withdrawals didn't even begin to cover it! He was filled with hate and rage. I was trying to stay clear of him, but our paths kept crossing as we went about evening chores. Plus, he can't break from that 'wanting to discuss how the day went' mode. He doesn't want to be together, but he does want to be together (NOT ME!) He wants me gone but he doesn't want me gone. (I WANT TO BE GONE!) No matter what I answered, everything I said was wrong and sent him into a raging, hate filled long lecture. I tried to lighten the mood with positive talk, but no matter what I said, it reminded him of something he hated and the ranting, raging, hate filled, demeaning lecture was on! I had to just sit there, still as I could, until he finished. (sometimes he had me pinned into a corner, standing over me as he raged)  When he is in these modes, you don't dare get up and walk away or the consequences will be much worse. 

This all killed my evening time, badly, too. His raging withdrawals took up so much time, it forced me to end up getting my chores and evening work done well on late into the night. It was such a relief when he finally called it a day and went to bed for the night! I was able to finally complete my day in peace.

The next morning he was much calmer and, although still an azz, back to his 'on the surface' normal. His booze had had time to kick in through the night and his body got the 'fix' and relief it was needing. Wow, how sad and pathetic!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

What is That Ogre Thinking?!?!?

I do believe that T L Ogre is the best I have ever seen for putting up front a likable, dare is say, normal,  persona, while deep down inside, inside where his real personality resides, is the most twisted, dangerous, meanest, perverted, farthest from normal person anyone could imagine.

The longer I am here, the more I keep discovering that shows just how sick, twisted, scary and dangerous he is. I am just almost to the point that I don't want to know any more, but I feel that I need to know to help warn any future victims.

Yesterday's finding was an eye-popper. I recently learned that he has joined some group/website called PragerU. Some of the "courses" I have seen that he was watched on there tend to raise the eyebrows, but yesterday's was an eye brow raising, mouth dropping, eye popping discovery!

The name of the course (video) he watched yesterday was called: "If There is no God, Murder Isn't Wrong" . . . . . . .upon more digging, I learned that he has watched/read this before. He seems to have really zoned in on this one.

I honestly can't say from which end of thinking he has zoned in on this topic, but the fact is, he HAS zoned in on it. Adding this in with an incident in his past, this becomes ultra scary to me. I can't elaborate further at the moment, though.

Where is this man's mind?! What is he thinking?! What is he pondering?!
Come on Property Closing!!! Hurry up!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Property Closing is Almost Here!

That beautiful, wonderful day is almost here!!! I talked to the realtor yesterday. There have been several issues that have slowed down the closing process (there usually is), but that wonderful closing date is finally in sight! The issues that slowed down the process were just some of those things that happen, nothing that anyone could probably have changed. And THAT is what the extra grace period that is added on to a closing date is for. It's fine. I am still trying to get pre-prep work done on this end before I can even think about moving anything.

So, how much longer until closing?!? Approximately 2 weeks, give or take a couple of days. I don't look forward to the moving part, but I DO look forward to getting to be "me" again, and being able to play with my critters and give them attention when I want to and build things when I want to and where I want to and how I want to, and plant a garden when I want to, and how I want to, and, well, you get the idea.

Some of you are sitting there thinking, "Why did you let him do that to you? Why didn't you just do it your way anyway?" First, that comes on very slowly, in tiny little doses, again, the Frog in the Pot syndrome. Second, when doing things "your way" results in a punishment for you, such as an animal getting killed or hurt, or your own self getting hurt, you oblige to keep peace and safety. You think that he is just having a bad day because he 'didn't used to be like this' and it won't happen again, so the pattern continues. Then one day you finally realize you have TOTALLY lost YOU! Then they don't like "YOU" any more because the 'you' they got into a relationship is gone. The want you, then they change you by taking the 'you' out of you, then they don't like you or want you any more. It really doesn't make sense, does it?!?!

I'm just glad that I am me and not him and the real 'ME' can leave and start over.

Thanks for stopping in and have a wonderful afternoon.

Signed -Betty Sue

Brrring, Brrrring..... Israeli Calling

Tuesday morning there was another one of those phone calls from one of the Israeli accented dudes. About two minutes before he called, there was another one of those calls where it rings, I answer, then it is just silence on the caller's end, no one speaks, but someone is there because you can usually hear occasional little noises in the background. We have been getting a LOT of those silent calls ever since I have been here. Now these calls seem to be coinciding with the accented dudes' calls. Coincidence or not, I don't know.

Mr. Accent Dude asked, in a friendly, casual tone, to speak with T L Ogre (used his real name). I again said, "He isn't here right now, can I take a message or have him call you back?"  Dude asked, "Are you his wife?" I replied, "No, I just live here. I am not his wife. He does NOT have a wife."  Dude concluded, "Thank you, I will just call back another time." and hung up before I could say another word.

Wednesday morning I was once again sitting at the computer next to the phone in the old office of this crumbling house. The phone rang. I answered. Silence. I said "Hello" several times. Nothing. Silence. I finally said into the silent phone, "T L Ogre (I used his real name) is NOT married. He does NOT have a wife. No one would marry him because he beats his wives!" and hung up.

Within the hour after I answered that call that way, one of those big, black helicopters was flying over the house low, banking right over the Ogre's tent. Within a half an hour, one of the local medical choppers did the same thing. For the next few hours, several of the local choppers were back and forth, dropping down low, right over the area of the Ogre's tent. The choppers flying low over this property has been happening quite a bit over the past year, increasing considerably over the past six months and shining their spotlights down, but they had slowed a bit recently. The sky was really quiet the past several days, then yesterday it was so busy it was down right scary! The Ogre complained about it last night, about  how many choppers had been back and forth all day. He nervously said he wondered what had been going on and frustratedly said he wished they would leave "us" alone, here. He finally concluded that there must have been a big accident somewhere or something.

I asked T L Ogre, when he got home, if he had seen the black chopper fly over. In a nervous tone he said that he had and that it had flown over his sister's house (where he works) first, then flew over this direction. He said that he just doesn't know what is up with that. Yea, Yea, Yea.....

This morning, once again, after he left for the day, one of those great big black helicopters flew right over the property, right over the old house, so low it shook it and looked like it might fall on it, then  dropped even lower right over the old Ogre's tent. What has this monster gotten in to!?!?!?
 It's probably best I don't know.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wordless Wednesday - Hobo Coffee

Wordless Wednesday

Hobo Stove Coffee! Yes, you can make coffee even if you don't have a stove to cook on.
Yes, the coffee pot is rough. It has been being heavily used over a campfire and needs a good scrubbing on the outside, but the inside does get washed regularly and the coffee was great! This was my first test with this "stove" and I didn't want to mess up a good coffee pot. It worked so well I even boiled it over once!

(Can't get the pics to line up like I wanted them to, today. A glitch today, maybe? Will try to update it another day)

Property Closing Date is Approaching!

I am getting anxious and excited this week. I am quickly approaching that set closing date at the end of this week. It is; however, looking like we could be going into the extension time grace period, though, and it may be a little longer. As long as I can get closed, soon, I am okay with that. I do still have a lot of prep work to do before I can start moving things. At last update with the realtor, everything was going along well. It is just taking awhile with the abstracting.

I dread the moving part. I still have no idea how I am going to get it all moved, both physically and financially. When I start to look around me at the mind boggling amount I have to move, and how much of it is heavy, it seems so overwhelming and impossible. But then I keep telling myself that it looked impossible (and pessimistic friends and family even firmly told me so) to get a piece of property instead of giving up everything and just running to a women's shelter, yet I was determined, I kept at it, and acquiring that piece of property is about to happen! Then there was the pick-up search. Again, family and friends insisted that it was impossible to find something to fill my specs for the price I set. It was a long, hard search, but again, I was determined and amazingly, it is now in the driveway.

I am trying to focus harder on the baby steps and not the whole picture, because the whole picture of getting moved is so overwhelming. I am still heart broken that I lost so much in the move a little over a year ago, that all of my belongings didn't get moved, then, and I wonder how I can expect it to all to get moved now, if it didn't all get moved then.... but I also now know that back then, unknown to me then, there was something working against me getting all of my stuff moved, something (someone) that I never dreamed would have done such a thing, someone I trusted, that turned out adamantly did NOT want me to move all of my stuff. Someday I will tell that story, but not right now. Right now I need to focus on this move and surviving the rages and stupid stunts until I do get it moved.

I am sooo looking forward to the starting over on my own part! I am looking forward to having a little freedom again and being able to do some things my way without getting punished for it.  I am still sad that life the way I thought it was going to be here, a life that I had looked forward to, was just all talk on the Ogre's end and was never going to be a reality, that it was just all a con, that I fell for, to get me here.... that all those years I could have been doing all of that on my own are gone, but I have to stay focused on the positive, that I have gained a wealth of knowledge, stuff you just don't find in text books, and although most days I don't feel strong at all, I know that I have gained a lot of strength and even more determination through all of this.

So, please say a wish and a prayer that the closing on my new property happens very soon so that I can get over there to start clearing some of the land so I can start moving. Thank you!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day....

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, March 27, 2017

He Kicked Another Hen!

It was one day last week, Wednesday I think. We were each working on our outside chores, leaving each other alone. T L Ogre seemed a little more on edge than he had been the past several days. It was payday, and he had just gotten a new 'bottle'. He gets like this when he has had to go a couple of days without any booze (when he runs out before pay day), but he had stretched last week's bottle out and made it last the week. Yet he still seemed on that kind of edge he is when he gets a new bottle and he can't wait for the day to end so he can go sit in his tent, alone, and nurse on a little juice (or a lot).

Anyway, he was walking along the path, past a grouping of scratching hens, when one of my big hens walked across in front of him. That's it... just walked across his path. T L Ogre started raging and screaming "Damn pet chicken!", as he hauled off and kicked her hard, sending my unsuspecting and gentle hen flying about eight feet!

I complained, "Hey! What did you do that for?!" He looked up and saw that I had seen him do it. He justified in his shrill, squeaky, high anxiety voice, "She got in front of me! She's a damn pet chicken! I HATE pet chickens! I don't want them getting under my feet. She needs to stay out of my way." Then he got sarcastic and said in a very childish, sarcastic tone, "I'm not going to walk along doing a shuffle through them." as he made a sarcastic goofy face and demonstrated a stupid, shuffle waddle across the path. "They have to learn not to walk in front of me!"

My poor hen! He kicked her HARD! She had no idea what she had done wrong. She was so dazed and confused. They are free range chickens. She was just casually walking along,  pecking and scratching, head down to the ground pecking and eating, then all of a sudden, a huge foot hit her hard and sent her flying!! They walk around all over scratching and looking for food and this was right next to their chicken house where they congregate the most. They were just doing what chickens do. I don't think for a minute that it was really about the hen at all. He was just feeling anxious and just had to hurt something.  I am so afraid to leave to go anywhere. I'm so afraid of what he will do to my animals while I am gone. The monster should never be allowed to own any kind of animal at all!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, March 24, 2017

Getting a Little Spooked

This post may make more sense to you readers after I make some future posts. This happened this week and has been bothering me since, so I just need to vent and document it. Even for me, if I just write down things as they happen (never enough time to write all that is going on), even if they don't make sense, then eventually I can put a pattern together out of several occurrences and figure a few things out. Not sure I want to figure this one out, though.

Monday the phone rang. T L Ogre was at work and I was sitting here at the computer. I answered the call. A very heavily accented voice asked to speak with T L Ogre (asked for him by his first and last name). I said that he was not here right now and asked if I could take a message. The guy asked, "Are you a family member?" I said, "No, I am just a resident here." He replied, "That's okay, Bye, bye." and instantly hung up. Strange.

This guy (or someone else with the same type of accent) has called a few times before. They always ask for the Ogre, then hang up when I ask for a number to have him call them back at. One even asked for his "Buddy, T L Ogre (used his real name)".  Always this unfamiliar, heavy accent.

I wrote the current phone call info down by the phone. I forgot to tell the Ogre about it until the next day and asked if he had seen the note I left for him by the phone. He got an odd look on his face when I described the call and asked, "What kind of accent?" I said that I didn't know, it wasn't Mexican or Spanish for sure. It sounded more like Middle Eastern." T L straightened his stance, took on a cocky, holier than though attitude, serious, above everyone else look on his face and asked, "Pakistani accent, maybe?" I said, yea, it sounded more like that. Still in his odd stance with his odd look on his face he asked in a strange, slow drawl, "Israeli accent, maybe?" I said it could have been, but I hadn't talked to anyone from there, so I couldn't say for sure.

T L Ogre then stiffened his stance even more, took on an even more authoritative stern look and stated, "I could be getting a call from an Israeli. In fact, there are several Israelis that could be calling me, so it could be any one of them." He then narrowed his eyes and tried to search mine for a reaction to his statement. I tried my best to keep a "ho hum" reaction to it and just said, "Well, I was just checking to see if you got your message" then went on about my chores.  It wasn't easy to remain ho hum, matter of fact, though, because his whole air about him was so very odd and spooky ... a serious, stern air that said he and his Israeli friends were "above" all of the rest of us and they were up to something. A distinct, bitter air about him.

You see, T L Ogre has decided that he wants to be Jewish. I have no idea how far back this goes, but I keep finding more and more evidence that it goes back much further than I had thought. He is heavily studying how to be, and how to convert to Judaism. He is making all kinds of lifestyle changes to try and be Jewish. He spends hours each day in his new found studies. He is also studying how to speak Hebrew, and following along all that is going on in Israel. He is even obsessed with trying to find a certain kind of sandals to wear at a price he can afford, and I have found where he has sent a monetary donation to have a tree planted in Israel.

I am running out of time right now, so I will just say that the list of discoveries on this subject is growing and is mind boggling, to say the least. I am not sure what to make of it and I am not even going to try right now. And he stupidly wonders why choppers, small planes and drones keep flying over low and swooping down over his tent and spotlighting it *eye roll*.  I guess I better watch my back yet a little closer. Yep, glad I have several big, loving and loyal dogs by my side, especially at night. All that dog food gets hard to come by at times, but at the moment, my babies are literally a life saver! They have been on several occasions through out the past several years and deserve a feast.  Gotta run for now. Again, please keep me and my farm babies in your prayers of safety.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day and a great weekend.

Signed - Betty Sue

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 2

A few months ago T L Ogre began having tremor spells. Sometimes just his hands shake (in a way he can't control), then on very rare occasions, his entire body gets the shakes. He complains about these spells in a somewhat panicked tone. It also frustrates him and seems to make him angry. The control freak can not control his body! Sometimes, all this shaking and tremors make it difficult, to near impossible to perform some tasks, such as simply trying to insert a screw driver into a screw.

I thought these spells were kind of odd, but had chocked them up to him probably drinking way too much strong coffee for the day. Some days he will just have a cup of coffee, but others, he will drink a couple of pots of super strong coffee. At first, I just figured that the latter was what was causing it.

When I simply, and calmly, suggested that he cut back a little on the coffee and see if that was what was causing it, he got bitterly angry with me... angry because I was so calm about it and didn't go into a panicked, worry state. He took it that I didn't care. I honesty thought that he just simply had had too much strong coffee. I mean, if someone drinks that much strong coffee in a day, I would think that the sensible thing to do would be to cut back for a few days and see if it made a difference. Now I know that those trembly, tremor spells were (and are) from going a few days without any booze. That would also explain the anger, to the point of rage, because I didn't get all panicked with worry over the tremors... he was withdrawing. The tremors, the temper, and the inability to control his temper seem to be all part of the withdrawals due to his need for alcohol. As I have started closely watching his alcohol consumption level, in conjunction with odd symptoms he is having, I am distinctly seeing a definite relationship between the two. When he runs out of money and booze, he has tremors and/or other withdrawal symptoms. When he gets a little money and a bottle, he feels good again.

I will discuss other withdrawal symptoms over the next few days. Stay tuned for Part 3.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, March 20, 2017

Four Month Hand Update

It has now been 4 months since the Ogre violently whacked my hand with a large fire log while in one of his extreme rages. It has been horrible, and literally given me nightmares as I relive it in my sleep, but I do feel very fortunate that it wasn't my head. As he had held that fire log high in the air that day, his face filled with rage, his eyes darted back and forth between my hand and my head as he appeared to momentarily ponder where to make his first hit, my arm/hand or my head. I was frozen with fear and the wild, dark, angry look in his eyes had convinced me that he was going to bash my head.  He had ended up choosing my hand, raised the log back up as if to swing it again as he glared at my head, my eyes pleading with him to not hit me again, but then suddenly threw it down and physically went for my dog that was then huddled close by in great fear, no longer growling nor nor snapping at the Ogre, just huddled in total fear. I am trying to put this past me, but somehow, I still keep reliving it, especially in my sleep.

I am still at a plateau in my healing. I still have a lot of pain in my hand, especially in one particular area. When there is pressure against it, it actually feels like a bone splinter is trying to poke through my skin. When I hold onto something really warm to hot, it feels wonderful! When my hand gets cold or touches anything cold, especially like picking up an ice cube, it hurts like crud!

There is still a lot of numbness and tingling in the tips of several of my fingers and when I have to push my hand and use it for a length of time, it goes almost completely numb. That numbness and tingling are even more frustrating and much harder to live with than the pain and swelling.

The worst and most upsetting and frustrating part, though, is the lack of mechanics in my hand, now. As I said before, this was my dominant hand. On top of that, I had to put extra work on this hand because I had a really bad injury in my other hand years ago and it tires easily, aches with heavy use, and gives out easily. Now the mechanics of this hand are all messed up. Even typing is very difficult. I have to really concentrate and work at getting the message from my mind to my hand, now, to type anything. If I am typing absently mindedly, my page becomes just a jibberish mess. My hand pops open at the slightest bit of pressure on it which causes me to drop nearly everything I forget and pick up with it, which results in a lot of spilled and/or broken stuff, which in turn, wastes a lot of stuff and costs a lot of money I don't have to spare. Lifting anything with this hand is still nearly impossible. I am beginning to push it just a bit, though, lifting lighter stuff and holding it a few seconds, to try and hopefully begin to strengthen it back up as much as possible.

My shoulder hasn't totally healed from that night (it was injured, also, from the impact of the Ogre's swing and hit with the fire log as my arm swung backwards.) but it has made great improvements. Some days I forget now that it was hurt. I am hoping that that is a good sign that my shoulder, at least, will completely heal.

T L Ogre still has never apologized for smacking my hand with that fire log. He seems to still have the attitude that I needed to be punished for not letting him kill my dog. Deep down, though, I think he realizes what a mistake he made. No, he still isn't remorseful, just scared stiff that I will tell someone and they might think badly of him. He worries so much about people possibly thinking bad of him. Four months ago, I was still stuck back here in my isolated corner, cut off  from most of the rest of the world. Now, in order for me to be able to move out, I am in contact with quite a few people and I finally got some wheels so I can begin to move once I am finally closed on the land. He has started carrying the heavier things for me, and subtly doing "nice" things for me as often as he can, things that will take pressure off of that hand. He is seeing that four months down the line, it isn't healing. He sees that as I make land arrangements, hopefully find some friends to help me move, search for a doctor for my hand, just sees in general that other people are going to see that I am having issues with my hand and want to know why. I feel like he is buttering me up, hoping I won't "tell". This is so friggin' frustrating! The emotional pain from my hand injury, too, is far worse, even, than the physical pain. I still hold on to hope that somehow, my hand will have a full recovery and be my strong, dominant hand once again.

Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, March 10, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 1

It is a very sad and scary thing to watch someone that is addicted to alcohol. I am not talking your basic, average alcoholic. I am talking hardcore, mentally and physically addicted to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that T L Ogre is just that, firmly addicted to alcohol. Even his body appears to get very sick, now, if he has to go a few days without any alcohol.

In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol.  In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.

As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.

All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place.  He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.

A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.

I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker.  I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability."  His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?

Stay tuned for Part 2 of  "Alcohol Withdrawals?"

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, March 9, 2017

T L Ogre Moved His Bottle Pile

The Ogre's building wine bottle pile was by his tent. He seemed to keep only one really visible at a time, the others tucked in between his food totes. All the low flying planes and choppers really make him nervous and paranoid so I imagine he was worried someone from overhead might see them. He keeps the hard stuff inside the old house, mostly Scotch. Most of it is all drank up, now, too, but the pile of those empties he keeps in his old bedroom of the crumbling old house.

After his pile by the tent began to build a bit, he moved those new empty bottles to back behind the chicken shed with the rest of his big pile of dusty empties from past drinking days. A new pile is now forming by the tent. He went through a couple of extra bottles when he got his tax return, so there is, once again, a 3 bottle pile, and growing, next to his tent, and a new bottle started inside. Oddly enough, it looks like he only had one big glass last night.  Yet somehow, that one glass made him over sleep. He seems to have been pretty sick lately from having gone several days without any booze until he got paid yesterday and got a new bottle, so maybe that one big glass gave him what he "needed" for now and his body relaxed and he finally slept. Good thing because after a few days of no booze, his agitation was really beginning to build again. It really is a sad situation. Much as I don't like what I have gotten into, I would much rather be in my shoes than his, for sure.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Under Contract on Land!

Yes! I am finally under contract on a beautiful piece of land! I have had such a hectic last week or so, I am not sure where I left off on my land looking update. The last piece of land I was trying to close on had to be taken off of the market. Besides so much missing paperwork on it, an abandoned gas well was found right in the center of the property. It could be ages before it is capped off properly and ready to sell. Then there would always be a worry of possible toxins leaching out into the soil. So it was pulled off of the market and my search continued.

Unbelievably, I found another property that was even better than that one, for the same price! It is also 3 acres bigger with a year round creek running through one side of it. I am now under contract on that acreage and anxiously awaiting my closing date. I am getting there, one wobbly baby step at a time.

I hope I haven't worried anyone with it taking so long for me to get back on here. I have been extra busy running around trying to get things squared away with getting the property and using a borrowed vehicle to try and find myself a pick up. The pick up search isn't going so well, but I am holding on to the hope that the right one for me will come along soon and everything will fall into place when it does. I am also working on getting some of the critters better updated to make the move and transition a bit easier and safer for them. Yesterday, I finally found the right collars I needed for the dogs and they all have sturdy new collars. Amazingly, only one of them is annoyed with it. The rest of them seem to love their new "necklace". Even better, the day before I went to get their collars, someone told me about a coupon I could get to go towards them, so with that I got $10 off of the whole purchase. That was really great, but even better yet, when I went into the store, the collars were also $1 off of each one, so that was another $7 off for a total of $17 savings! I love it when stuff like that all falls into place all at once! I will just need to get one more collar for my little dog that is fostered out right now, but have to measure his neck first. They got him one but I'm it isn't quite right for him, not for long term. Next, save back up for a couple of new, sturdy leashes and some goat collars.

So much to do just to get prepped to move the farm, but I don't mind this part. It is a sign that I am moving forward and out. This is a good thing.

I gotta get back to it for now. Thanks for stopping in and you have a great day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Three Month Hand Update

It has been three months, now, since T L Ogre whacked my hand with the big fire log. (It was 3 months on Feb 20th)  I seem to have hit a plateau in my hand's healing.  My hand made some very small improvements, initially, but over the past month, there has been little to no improvement at all. I still have a lot of pain in it, still a lot of numbness and tingling, and there is still some swelling. Most of the pain and swelling is concentrated right where my middle and ring fingers attach to my palm.  I have no doubt that it was broken there, and isn't healing properly.

I am so frustrated with how many daily tasks I am having problems doing, many I can't do at all, from that big ole Ogre whacking my hand. Even just simply drying my hands off with a towel hurts, hurts a lot. I have to just carefully blot dry that hand. Opening jars is almost impossible. Just a couple of minutes of typing sends that hand to throbbing to the point of near tears. Countless times throughout the day, when I put any pressure on my fingers on that hand, or even the palm, my hand spasms and my fingers draw up. This stinks! Will it ever heal?

I am having to learn to use my wrist and my elbow a lot, in place of my hand. That does not work nearly as well as a hand, but I have to do something to keep going as much as I can. Knitting and crocheting are slow, difficult and very painful, some days my hand draws up so bad it just isn't possible at all. Even simple tasks such as turning a door knob or opening a car door are difficult to nearly impossible. Performing any kind of activity that requires any pressure on that hand just doesn't work. Holding my little flashlight at night with that hand is extra difficult. After a few seconds of grasping a flashlight, my hand either draws up or releases what I am holding. Part of my daily routines requires me to hold a flashlight with one hand, while performing a chore/task with the other hand. This is now not an option. My daily chores and tasks have become so much more challenging and difficult.

It feels like there is a rock in the middle of my palm, where my fingers attach on the palm side. I have no idea what that could be but, as I said, that is where the majority of the pain is centered, along with the swelling. Heat is very soothing to my hand, especially when applied to the part that feels like a rock. But anything cold, even just the air being cold, hurts like heck!  I need to find somewhere and have it checked, now. The puppies are all rehomed so I don't have to worry about leaving them, and at the moment, he is in an "up" or more level mood for the most part, so it is now time to find a way to get somewhere, and where to go, to get my hand checked out while I am in the moment.

I had a little accident a few nights ago that was very telling with this hand. It told me that my hand is still worse than I realized. I had made a pot of coffee on top of the kerosene heater in the tent. The coffee was at a medium rolling boil and had been for awhile. Keep in mind that the connector to attach the lid to the pot is broken, so the lid just loosely sets on the pot. Also remember that my right hand had been badly injured years ago and sometimes isn't real sturdy.

I picked up the pot of boiling coffee with my right hand and started to pour it into my coffee cup, held with my left hand. My right hand unexpectedly wobbled hard, the lid went flying and coffee started to splash. In my efforts to regain control of the boiling hot coffee, I managed to pour the boiling hot coffee in the pot all over the back of my left hand that was holding the coffee cup (the hand the Ogre whacked). The most shocking and scary part of all of that was.... it didn't hurt!

There I stand, totally confused because the coffee was at a rolling boil when I started to pour it into the cup, I instead poured it all over my hand (about 2 coffee cups worth or more), my hand was beat red, but I only felt a slight warmth and no pain! I kept thinking, that should have hurt. Wasn't that coffee hot? I grabbed a bottle of cool water next to me and poured over my hand because I knew it should have hurt. It was red, obviously scalded, but didn't feel hot nor burned, so common sense told me that it needed to be cooled off. I stood there puzzled, then decided to take a sip of the coffee that had made it into the cup to see if it was, indeed, hot. At this point, the coffee in the cup had had a minute or two to cool. Yep, it was hot! I burnt the end of my tongue and a corner of my lip on that sip. My tongue still hurt and had a small blister on it even the next day. So.... my hand should have felt that boiling coffee that heavily poured over the entire back of my hand. This is not good.

My hand didn't blister, but it was very red all the next day. Hopefully pouring cool water over it immediately heedlp keep that from happening, but the next day, and still today, if I run my other hand over the back of the injured hand, I can slightly feel on the surface some pain from the boiling coffee. Yep, time to start looking for a medical place that will check my hand out without me having any insurance or money, and tell me what is wrong with it. I need to know before I start putting the extra stress of packing and moving onto it and see if there is anything I can be doing that will make it heal further. Please help me pray that my hand is not permanently damaged, that it will have a full recovery, and some positive, healing thoughts would be great, also. Thank you!

Thank you, also, for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue
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