Monday, January 23, 2017

I Would Have Been Wife No. 12!!!

Well, if I had married T L Ogre as planned, I would have been Wife No. 12!  That was with 10 women, besides me. He managed to convince one of his exes to come back to him and marry him a second time, which was very short lived.

This count does not include the countless domestic partnerships he has been in. He has talked about them, too, often, but I just couldn't keep count. At the time, I really didn't even want to.  I got so tired of hearing about all of his exes. He never lets anything go!

The main reason I put off getting married for so long was this exact fact, I would have been Wife No. 12 (instead of one of his countless domestic partnerships, which is the statistic that I did end up being).  I wanted to be on the cautious side.  He had explained away each and every wife, saying that he seemed to be stuck in a pattern of life partner choices and just kept picking the same type, the wrong one, bad ones.  Some of the things, though, that he complained about them, I just didn't see as being a problem, (such as wanting to clean and spruce up the house a bit).  One rant after another regarding his ex-wives either didn't seem like a bad thing at all, or at least not bad enough to fight over, much less leave someone over. That was one of my big reasons for giving some time under the same "roof" before officially tying that knot.

Although life seemed to be great (I was missing all those subtle signs) there was also the fact that nearly every one of his wives left him in a hurry, in extreme anger and revenge, and several planned their leaving in secret. He just came home to find them and all of their things gone. All of THIS was my biggest red flag, my biggest reason to delay getting married until we passed what I felt was the "honeymoon" period. Even though on the surface, he doted on me and treated me so nice, I wanted to go with that gut feeling of caution. I mean, that many women just didn't leave in so much bitter angry hurt, some to the point of extreme destruction as they left, without there being more to it than what he was telling.

Yet another little caution was that his other sister (seldom seen and dubbed the "evil sister") insists that he was a wife beater.  She is adamantly firm on this!  He always said that she was lying, she hated him and wanted him to look bad, that she was crazy and just wanted to cause trouble, and many other dismissing excuses.  (Now I know first hand that she was telling the truth)  In other conversations, T L Ogre also said that this sister (L) had actually become good friends with one of his wives.  Combined with the wife beating statements he mentioned in other conversations (he did not mention these two things together), what came to mind was that maybe the wife needed someone to confide in.  I can understand that possibility even more, now, especially since he didn't even have Internet back then.  You isolate someone to that degree, they then become desperate for someone - anyone - to talk to. 

I'm truly glad I went with my cautious gut and waited a time frame before that final knot tying step of marriage!

Thanks for stopping in and listening. Have a good day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, January 20, 2017

Two Month Update on My Bashed Hand

It was two months ago today that T L Ogre bashed my hand, badly injuring it. It is still far from healed and I am beginning to wonder if the damage to it is permanent. I really need to go and get it checked, I just have no way to get there, not sure where to go in this town, can't afford a bill, and scared to leave the critters alone with him while I go anywhere.

I do have some small improvements in my hand. I am able to use it some, now, but any pressure on it induces a lot of pain and tingly numbness. The tingly numbness is improving some, but there is still a lot there. At least, over the past week or so, the tingly numbness hasn't run quite all the way up to my shoulder. It has stayed more localized in my hand and wrist, with the majority of it in my hand and fingers. Just as when it first happened, when I have used it too much and the tingly numbness sets in hard, it feels like my fingers have, or are about to, blow off.

My hand draws up a lot, too, curling my straight fingers around and in to the center of my palm. This especially happens when it is tired from use (which doesn't take long) or it is cold. It happens really badly when my hand gets cold or the weather turns off colder. This really sends pains shooting through it! It is pretty much impossible to use it at all when it does this drawing up.

I have learned to use my wrist in place of my hand a lot. This creates even more pain, though, because that wrist is weak with arthritis. The extra use on my wrist makes it swell up and hurt almost beyond use. So.... I move on up and learn to use my forearm more in place of my wrist and hand. This still eliminates a lot of things I am able to do that absolutely requires a full hand with strength. Remember, this is my dominant, strong hand, too. I truly feel blessed, though, that I can write with either  hand.

The area where I am positive a bone was broken still swells up daily. Sometimes the swelling doesn't go down at all. Over the past week I have tried to knit a bit again, thinking it is time to work my hand a little more and more fine tuned. Not sure if this was wise, because the possible broken spot has swelled up the biggest it has swelled in weeks and the pain has drastically increased, again. I just wish I knew if by using it, I am helping it or making it worse. I can't even begin to express to you how far down it takes me to have one of my hands out of commission! We take our hands far too much for granted. With so much arthritis in my legs and back, I have to put a lot of weight and pressure on both of my hands to get into and back up out of chairs, or anywhere I sit. With even one of my hands messed up, it makes getting in and out of a seat soooo much harder! .... sometimes nearly impossible. Even just scooting back up in the chair when I start sliding down, is difficult to nearly impossible at times, due to this bashed up hand.  I badly injured my other hand years ago and arthritis set up in it, so this hand has had to take a lot of the load off of the other hand. Now, at the moment, getting my own self around (up and down, especially) has become extremely difficult.

The motor skills in my hand that T L Ogre bashed up are also still not functioning properly. I can't put pressure on it and anything that requires fine tuned motor skills just doesn't work, yet. It is so frustrating. Even something as simple as picking up a dog food kibble becomes a frustrating, nearly impossible task. I have to focus really hard, and make several tries to pick something like that up. Usually I give up and use the other hand. Sometimes I have to just completely give up the task at hand.

Today, at the two month mark, my hand is not cooperating well with typing. I am having a hard time hitting the proper keys and the backspace button is still my best friend on this keyboard. My hand is very slow to react, too, especially my fingers. My mind is typing away, but my hand/fingers just won't move even close to that fast. The spot where I am positive a bone was/is broken, is swelled up bigger than it has been in a couple of weeks. This is sooo frustrating! Oh, how I wish he had never hit me!!! And still today, he has no remorse for hitting my hand with that big fat tree branch. He still feels that I somehow deserved it. I have mentioned it a few times, about  how bad my hand is and how bad it hurts. He just gives me a dirty look, shrugs his shoulders and walks away. I was in so much shock that he would do such a thing to me. I was in even more shock that he had no remorse nor guilt for doing it. I was beyond shock to the point of stunned numbness that he felt I deserved it. I just don't get how anyone can be that void of feeling, and that intent on hurting others because they hurt, so someone else has to hurt, too. I truly hope and pray I can get all of us out of here before something even worse happens.

Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, January 19, 2017

I'd Like to Create a Farm-Style Domestic Abuse Shelter!

I know I am not alone. I know that there are other women (I use the term 'women' simply because I am a woman, I am really including all genders of abuse) out there with farms and/or multiple animals/pets that need to escape their abuser, have no where to go, and do not want to give up their animals. I mean, that is one of the reasons they chose us in the first place .... to be able to use our animals for leverage, to hold us here, to hurt us into control. I know first hand that hurting my animals hurts me far worse than actually hurting just me does. I have let myself be controlled to a degree to keep my animals safe. Having to give up our animals to escape the abuse/violence, rips us apart inside. It is like pouring salt and vinegar into our wounds of abuse. It also lets them 'win' to a huge degree, and that takes us almost, if not completely down to the bottom. Why on Earth, when we are desperately trying to get away from our abusers, trying to get out of our abusive, violent situation, do we have to add further hurt? Why do we have to break our bonds with the animals that were our rock while we were in this situation? Why do we have to further hurt our animals by separating them from us, by rehoming them or putting them down? Why do WE have to be further punished??? Further punished while our abuser sits back and sadistically relishes in the further hurt they have caused by us having to lose our animals in order to escape them. It just isn't right!!!!

I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! 

I WANT TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM FOR AS MANY AS I CAN! 

I want to create a Farm-Style "shelter" for the victims of abuse with animals, to be able to go to "with" their critters, and not have to have that much more hurt in their lives by losing them. I understand their hurt and their pain. I want to prevent this type of unnecessary hurt and pain for as many as I can. Maybe others will pick up the concept, too, and reach even more that need this type of help. I am seeing, as I am visiting support groups for abuse victims (especially for victims of narcissistic abuse) that there is a growing number of abused farm women with multiple animals. I want to help that group, and any victims with animals that might otherwise need to be left behind.

To start with, I will need a large piece of undeveloped, unrestricted land. The one I have listed on this site under "Wish List" would be fantastic! I just have no way of going to look at it, much less to move me and everything there so I can get this started. I think anything from 5 to 10 acres would be great, but that 10 acres would be especially good.

Here are some of my roughed out thoughts on this Farm-style Shelter......
* large acreage that isn't too 'noisy' or out of the way, but is peaceful. It will need to be easy for business traffic to come to, but not so busy we feel hectic nor on display.

* semi-off grid  (just my thought at the moment - could be optional for the individual residents)

*use refurbished vintage travel trailers and/or tiny houses on wheels (keeps the taxes down if on wheels and small spaces are kind of cozy after all that abuse

*DO NOT set up like a trailer park, but like a small community with everyone having their own little space/yards. Not in rows or blocks, but kind of scattered.

* Gardens (flower, vegetable, fruit, and herb). Working in gardens helps relieve stress, gives a feeling of accomplishment and worth, can take anger and pent up frustrations out on weeds, eat healthier with the home grown foods.

* set up produce stand for any garden extras.

* set up a very small store close to the road (next to produce stand) to sell our handmade items, new retail items and other things, maybe a thrift store.

* set up and run a small flea market once or twice a month or so. It would help those living on the property that chose to participate to earn some money and flea market space rent to outsiders could be used to develop the farm shelter and upkeep.

* Have a small community building for the farm shelter residents. It would have electricity where those that are off grid can charge batteries, watch TV, use computers, etc.

* This would also be a great, 24/7 support group.

* As residents feel they are ready to move on, their space can be filled by yet another victim with animals needing to escape. 

These are my thoughts for now. I REALLY want to do this! I have considered a crowd funding for it, but don't want my abuser to see it. What are your thoughts on a crowd funding set up for this? I have never really wanted to use one, but it might be a good option to help get this off the ground. 

Blessings! and thanks for stopping in!

Signed - Betty Sue

He Kicked the Chicken!

A little over a week ago, T L Ogre kicked the big fat white hen! He lets most of the chickens out in the morning to free range throughout the day. Just as it starts to get dark, most of them go back inside their own house or enclosed pen, but there is always that same stubborn few that have to be herded back in.

That evening/late afternoon, he decided to put them up much earlier than they were used to. (He seemed to be in one of his high anxiety moods that day and was urgently pushing to get all chores done early and quickly). He never puts the chickens and ducks up that early, but that evening he was in an urgent, frustrated, angry stress to get them put up early and all chores done early. He has been in these "anxiety" moods more and more, lately, but this day was his most frustratedly urgent, no particular reason that I could see, that I have seen in a long while, if not ever.

Those few chickens that always have to be herded in just weren't ready to go in yet, it was out of routine. He got so frustrated because they wouldn't cooperate and go into the coop, that he hauled off and kicked the wheezy, big fat white hen in the leg!!!  Naturally, she jumped, squawked, and ran even further away in the opposite direction of where he was trying to get her to go.

He screamed, yelled and cursed at her, then he finally grumbled and said he would wait until it got just a little darker (it was still mostly daylight) and walked away.

I truly wish I had video cameras stationed all around so I could see just what all he does do to these animals when I am not looking.

What and How Many Animals Do I Have to Move?

This is the question quite a few people have asked me. One close friend didn't heed my warning about talking to T L Ogre, talked to him about the animals anyway, and landed me and the dogs another "punishment" because the old Ogre said that I was making him look bad because I was talking to my friends about him. I am supposed to stay silent and not talk to anyone. Some of my "friends" can't get this. They can't see through that sweet front he puts on and the fake scenario he puts out there to make him appear the victim, and does not believe there is any harm in speaking with him. They just can't see that that brings on further abuse for me and all of the animals around here. So I will answer that question about what animals need to be moved right here, to hopefully lessen the number of people that just don't "get it" or don't care if I have to endure further abuse.

Before I moved here just over a year ago, I had a farm, a farm of nearly 20 years with lots of farm animals. I also had begun a chicken breeding program to develop a specific type of chicken and was in my 4th year, making great progress. I also had several cats and several dogs for my much needed protection. We moved all of those animals from my farm to his, combining our farms into one and agreeably continuing my chicken breeding program (which he now says is dumb and will not allow any further progress). I am very, very attached to all of my fur and farm critters! To me, they are so  much more than just livestock. I cannot bear the thought of loosing any single one of them. Just the thought of it rips me apart, inside and out.

So, to answer the question, "What animals do you have to move?"
*  5 ducks
*  10 guineas
* 1 rabbit
*  3 goats
*  around 60 assorted chickens (give or take a few - unsure on count)
*   8 Boxers and 1 little old Schnauzer
*  quite a few cats (more on that in a future post)
*  2 small other furry friends, each in a cage

And there is your answer. There are the animals I will be moving. New pens, coops, housing, and yards will have to be built before they are moved. I have quite a bit of fencing wire on hand and a little bit of cattle panels. Some yards and pens that are the Ogre's will stay, but some are mine. This means that after a couple of pens/yards are built (temporary are fine for the moment) and the first animals are moved, the ones they are in can be taken down, moved and rebuilt. The dogs' yard will have to have an electric wire all around it so they don't try to get out in a new place. This will be very important. I am looking around, now, to see what is available in solar fence chargers. Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated on this!

Of course, this is all contingent upon finding a place to go before I am tossed out into the street (He has threatened that this week) and the funds to get that place miraculously come available.

Thank you for stopping in and have a truly good day.

Signed - Betty Sue
 




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