Friday, July 7, 2017

Identity Reveal

Hello, All!
I am in my final days with T L Ogre. His rages, abuses and antics escalated way out of control, especially the past couple of weeks. I will do my best to go into more depth in the next couple of days. My time is ultra short tonight and lots to get done while I have a few minutes of Internet at Walmart. Before this post is out, though, I will go ahead and identify myself.

June 18th, T L Ogre went into one of those rages, again, that sent me into a mini stroke. This time it was more than just screaming, yelling and raging in my face and ears .... he got physical, too. I had a mini stroke that night, worse than usual. It was a scary night!

The next morning, the old Ogre went down to the Sheriff's department and filed a vacate notice. I received it a few days later. I have no doubt that that was his purpose of sending me into a mini stroke, to weaken me drastically so that when he gave me an instant vacate notice, I wouldn't be able to move anything. I took the option to go to court in a week, which ended up being rescheduled once because he had problems with his leg. Geez, why couldn't I reschedule for when I wanted to due to a mini stroke?

I did end up having to go to ER because I wasn't recovering very fast and even now, am having some difficulty still with getting my speech back completely clearly. As I said, I can explain more when I get a longer window of time, but in the end, I was given two weeks to get my farm moved, which is down to about 10 days or less, now. I had finally gotten property, had some hang ups with it, but about two weeks ago I was finally able to drive up on the property and start moving stuff. It has become obvious to me that he doesn't want me to move my stuff and is trying to scam me out of everything I have to my name. I have less than two weeks to move all of my dogs, cats, chickens, goats, ducks, rabbits, build pens to move them into, (Oh, yes, and my hand is permanently damaged and still has lots of pain and always will, but more on that later), all of my farm equipment, supplies for about 5 small (micro) businesses so I can get some income going again (he just would not let me work and they all had to be packed away), all of my personal belonging, keepsakes, and so on and on and on. It took him two years with his strength, heavy duty pickup and long trailer to move my stuff there, now I am supposed to move it all out of there in two weeks with disabling health issues, which he inflicted many of. I have no money, no job (hope to get an income going soon after I get out), no retirement, NOTHING. I am moving a pick up load every day or two, but it isn't even making a dent and my body is already worn out. I need help! I am open to all ideas, suggestions and help offers.

T L Ogre is about to use the court system to scam me out of everything I have left in this world to my name. I got the idea that the court thinks they are "protecting me" with this ruling,  but they just don't understand that losing all of that to the old Ogre will hurt me far more than anything he could do to me. :( :( :(

Hi! I am Anna Watts, originally from Muskogee, Oklahoma. I currently live in the Tahlequah area of Oklahoma and I am moving to the outskirts of Checotah, Oklahoma.
I am also known around the net as Granny Annie , Granny Annie's Farm over on Youtube, and many have known me for years as Tentfire.  The blog that The Ogre and I had together is Two Farms One. What a contrast life is now to how it was in the beginning in that blog! You can also find me over on Facebook, here

Thank you so much for your support. Stay tuned and I will do my best to update again soon. Prayers, positive thoughts, and, of course moving help of any kind, would be greatly appreciated. Blessings and hugs to you all!

Signed - Betty Sue .... aka .... Granny Annie

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

I Am Still Here

I am still here at the Ogre's... alive and breathing (not well, but that is just the season and irritations around his property).

I no longer have Internet, but I will try to catch you up soon. I did finally close on a piece of property, but the road half washed out from storms, I have no tin horn nor end of a driveway, it is nearly a 2-ft jump up onto the property and I can't drive on to the property, still. It has now been over a month since I closed, two months since I was allowed to take possession.

He is still a grumpy old, up and down (kitten to raging bull) monster. I now have a place to go ... I WANT OUT OF HERE! Still need much help with the moving stuff, lots of stuff, lots of heavy stuff.

May life treat you all well. I will give a full update just as soon as I can. Thank you so much for your care, concern and prayers. Blessings!

Signed - Betty Sue

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Oh, My! A Scammer!?!

A few months ago, an odd thought crossed my mind. "Is T L Ogre a scammer? Is this obvious take-down cycle he has with women, also some kind of a scam? I mean, he has had so many wives and live-ins combined that I have lost count. He still has belongings here (trinkets, maybe?) from many of them. He even remembers what belongs to whom and likes to point it out. Really? Did I really want to know that a lot of the daily use items around here belonged to former lovers!? Even the dish soap had belonged to the last one (and we had been together about 5 years at that point).

He had a bottle of dish soap that he was using on when I got here. (sort of - dishes obviously hadn't been done since his daughter moved out - ewww!) When that bottle ran out, he pulled a bottle out from under the sink, handed it to me to use, making a point to tell me that it had belonged to his last one. That was over five years before! He had put it away when she left, got new dish soap to use, and saved that one for his next woman to use! As I continued to attempt to clean up the sink area, I found some soap in a glass jar and asked about it. It was the all natural dish soap I had made him two years prior! Geez! Who was he saving that one for?! He had whined back then about being out of dish soap and said he was too broke to get any, so I made him some out of a good soap base I had. All that time he still had the bottle of soap from his last ex. Then he did buy soap and saved mine, too. Grrrr..... Yep. It's gone. I used mine up, myself.

Okay, so I have really strayed off topic, sort of. I don't know about the other women that have been through here, but he has gotten me to spend countless hours in hard labor since I have been here, trimming up his trees and clearing large areas of his property. He would say he would build me this or that if I got it cleared, then .... nothing. He did that with section after section until I had large areas cleared and trimmed all over. Also, he insisted I work around here instead of going to work, said it would benefit us more if I stayed home and worked around the farm. I bandaged blisters, pushed through arthritis pain, migraines, etc., and got it done. The goats got fed well with all the cuttings, but the promises of what "we" would do with the cleared areas never came to light. He obviously just wanted all that cleared for his own use - cheap labor with benefits. How many women has he done this to? With so many of their belongings still here, I have to wonder, does he get women here and push them to marry him so that he is then joint owner of their belongings, but the land remains in his name? We had discussed wedding plans originally, in depth, then he eventually blew it off every time I tried to talk about it. A couple of months before our "official" break up, he pushed me hard to just go to the court house and officially tie the knot. He didn't want any kind of wedding nor anyone there with us. I know now that at that point, he had already planned breaking it off with me. Never mind that I had broken it off a couple of months before. This didn't make sense, unless it was part of his scam.

Looking back over his pattern with past women, plus seeing all the things still here from them, it make one start to wonder. The two wives that he still complains the most about leaving were the two that planned their "escape" in advance and had everything packed up and gone before he got home from work. They got away with all that they wanted. One was on a plane headed back for her country before he knew she was leaving! That really shocked him because of how hard it was to get her and her belongings here.

The thought that he may be pulling a scam had crossed my mind. It would appear that way, but I had dismissed it because, verbally, he was being very generous in all that he said I could take in our "division of property".  He even offered to help move the big stuff with is truck and trailer. For the most part, dividing property seemed to be going well (except for the chickens and potatoes). THEN IT HIT!  Wednesday morning, while in his extreme rage, he firmly declared that I no longer own anything! He said that my belongings had been here on his property for more than 30 days, so I no longer own ANYTHING! Nothing left to my name. EVERYTHING I moved here (and that is a lot) IS NOW HIS! This includes family heirlooms from several generations. He said it is now up to him as to what he keeps, what he destroys, what he sells, and what, if any, he might decide to "let" me take. SCAM!  He hatefully insisted that I couldn't prove that any of my belongings were mine. He repeated that several times to drill it in. "You can't prove any of it is or was yours and you can't do anything about it!" he growled through clenched teeth in the most sarcastic, hate-filled tone he could muster.


Just how  much of past wives/live-ins' belongings aren't still here because he sold them off? How many of his past ex's succumbed in fear for their life and left it all to get out safely due to the death threats and physical violence?  I want to know! This scammer has to be stopped!

Once again, I apologize for any typos. I will proof read it when I get more Internet time.
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed, Betty Sue

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Biggest Psychotic Rage Yet!

T L Ogre escalated at his worst, today! I only have a minute. He has banned me from using the computer at the  house, and the Internet. He threatened to break my neck (came at me with his hands once and almost has ahold of my neck when I yelled that I would scream). He insisted that I needed my neck broken. A few minutes later he hugged (tightly) the gatepost and with hateful rage screamed that he was going to put a heavy chain on the gate to the dog pen/yard where I am 'living', lock it tightly, and watch me and the dogs slowly starve to death!

He TOTALLY lost it! He has been raging for about 3 days, again, and today's was the worst. The threats were numerous, all out of control and psychotic. He also threatened to kill all the dogs if they tried to protect me from him hurting me. Made it clear that if he decided to hurt me, I had to just take it if I wanted my dogs to live.

All signs point to him probably having killed the 5 week old baby goat that I am missing. He is INSANE!

I was able to sign a new contract with the property owner today, so I can take early possession of the property to start doing some clearing so I can move the trailer and stuff on it as soon as we close. I have to get moved, but I am terrified of leaving my stuff and babies long enough to move a load. He also threatened, today, to burn all of my belongings. I think I would literally see devil fire coming out of his hateful eyes today!
Sorry if there are typos. No time to proof read today.

Gotta go. Please pray for me and this situation, Love you all!

Signed - Betty Sue.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Wordless Wednesday - Spring Greens

Wordless Wednesday

Babbling, Booze and Rants

T L Ogre was being a major azz last night and this morning, especially this morning. I haven't checked his booze bottles the last few days, but I am guessing he has run out, again. Today is his payday and he nearly always runs out a day or two just before his pay day, which makes him a bitter, angry, violent, grumpy monster until he can get to town to get his money and get another bottle. PATHETIC!

The last 24 hours he has been filled with hate and growing. Everything that comes out of his mouth is sarcasm and hate. Everything he sees, everything he hears, everything you say to him no matter how pleasant you try to be, reminds him of something he hates, sending him into an extremely hate filled, bitter, long-winded, raging rant. He has ranted about how everything under the sun from our government, to how much he hates pets, to how crazy, mean and hateful his youngest sister is, to what an idiot with serious issues his brother is (Yea, gotta take brother down because brother buried one of his kids this week and was getting too much attention. No, T L Ogre didn't even go to the funeral. He came up with every excuse he could. Said he brother wouldn't even want him there - I don't believe that one - said he couldn't take off of work - he reworks his schedule for everything else, including recently spending half a day going with me to pick up my pick-up - just excuses), to jerking my oldest dog around by the chain and screaming at him to get out of his dog house and eat his food in the rain. (I have always fed him in his house when it rains, but I still can't get to him. In fact, the Ogre has put up another fence, now, and I can't even get to where I can stick my hand through the fence to at least pet his muzzle and give him a treat. I love my dog and this is killing me!), to pinning me into a corner and keeping me from getting things done that I need to do by ranting and raging at me about everything he can think of that he hates (some being subtle digs at me slipped in while ranting about other people). You don't just get up and walk away, either, or something will get hurt as a punishment a little later.

You don't dare let him see you happy about anything, either, when he is in this (I am angry at the world because I need some alcohol and I hate that I need alcohol because it controls me and nothing controls me) moods because if he isn't happy, NO ONE should dare be happy! If you are happy and he is not, you have to be punished. How dare someone be happy and upbeat when he isn't!

So, that is the kind of day I have been having, tense, knot in my stomach, afraid of doing the wrong thing to set him off no matter how hard I try to do exactly what will keep him calm. He is at work, now, and should be heading from there, soon, to pick up his pay and go run his errands.  I can't believe I am saying this, but I hope he gets a  new bottle while he is in town so that when he goes to bed tonight, he can nurse on it a bit and be a bit calmer by morning. He will escalate this evening, until the day is done and he can get that alone time with his 'best friend'. Some of that escalating will be from withdrawing from going a couple of days without booze, and some of it will be from just knowing that he has a new bottle and is in high anxiety because he can't get the day done and get to that bottle fast enough.  I will need to side step him as much as possible and attempt to keep all the critters as calm as possible. But then his reaction to that will probably be like it was this morning when he started screaming at me that they were "spoiled" and spoiling animals didn't happen on his place (like letting an old dog with tumors eat inside of his dog house instead of outside in the rain).

The ornery person inside of me wants so badly to sneak into his tent when he isn't looking and
slip a livestock baby bottle nipple over the top of his booze bottle. (hee, hee, hee)  Probably not the thing to do right now. Maybe just before I leave with my final and absolute last load. Oh, well, it was just a passing funny thought to lighten my stress at the moment. Gotta keep your humor to keep your wits in times like this.

Thanks for stopping in and listening to my babble. Have a blessed day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, April 3, 2017

What Did He Do to My Cat?!?!

I finally have transportation, now, and can leave run errands now and then. The problem is, I am afraid to leave my animals alone with T L Ogre, afraid of what he will do to them while I am gone. I mean, if he abuses them in front of me, what will he do while I am gone? This scares the crud out of me! I have to be able to leave now and then so that I can get things taken care of and put in order so I am ready to move after the closing. Then I will have to leave the little darlin's for long periods of time when I go to my new place to start clearing and building pens and critter houses to get things ready over there to move all of them. But I am so afraid of what he is going to do to them when I am not here to watch them.

A couple of weeks ago he was cooking dinner over by his tent (yep, after dark again). I was walking past as he walked down from his area. He looked at me with a disgusted, hate filled face and bitterly stated, "Well, that cat won't do THAT again!" and scowled hard. I asked with great worry, "What did he do?"  His faced scrunched up into pure, evil anger as he yelled, "He tried to get my dinner, but he won't do THAT again!" He absolutely would not tell me what he did to the cat. He had cooked a nice, big steak on the grill, set his plate of steak down to do something else, and expected the cat to leave it alone! I don't know what he did to the cat, but he definitely wanted to scare me and make me suffer, too, by letting me know that he had done something bad to my cat but keeping the "what" a secret. When that cat was a kitten, he carried him around all over the place, loving on him, coochey cooing him, snuggling him, etc, got them to love and trust him, just like he did to me to reel me in. Now he is using them for his sick, sadistic anger releases and to punish me by hurting them. Even worse, he is enjoying it!

Fast forward to yesterday. One of the rat/mouser cats  was sitting on top of a garbage can right outside of the back door of the old house. I reached to pet him (he is very lovey and cuddly), but he freaked out and took off like a bolt of lightening! Totally confused and shocked, I looked up to see T L Ogre walking down the path towards us. Just as I had started to pet the cat, the cat had seen the Ogre walk up and took off in extreme fear! Totally bewildered, I stammered and asked, "What have you been doing to this cat?" He just shrugged, gave me a very goofy, sarcastic look, then walked away. I noticed the other day that when he walked past one of the farm cats, that it ran off like lightening, in great fear. I have been watching extra close and every time he gets near one, no matter how playful, loving or relaxed it had been, the moment it sees T L Ogre, it instantly freezes up in fear, then runs off with speed I have never seen in a cat.

I wish I could set up video cameras everywhere to find out what he is doing around here to the animals. The worst part is, he doesn't consider that he is doing anything wrong. :(  This is killing me. This is breaking my heart. The very animals I am trying to save and protect, and love so dearly, he is apparently hurting and torturing to punish and hurt me. The sickest and worst of it is, he is obviously getting great enjoyment and satisfaction from all of this abusive punishing cycle. T L Ogre needs to be permanently locked up somewhere, far, far, FAR from animals!!!!

Please help pray for safety for my animals, and me as well, as I continue to work to get them out of here safely. Some good, positive thoughts and energy would be wonderful, too!

Thank you for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, March 31, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals - Part 3

T L Ogre's body seems to "need" much more booze than he is getting right now. He gets a bottle a week, then attempts to ration it out so that it lasts the entire week. So far, he has only made that goal once in recent weeks. For awhile, he still had some scotch that he made up the difference with, but that, too, is now gone, as far as I know. He does still have one, super special OLD bottle of scotch, but he saves that for super extra special occasions.

He gets his 'bottle' on Wednesday afternoon. Wednesdays are his paydays and he goes in to town after he gets off of work to run his errands and get his bottle. This week, once again, he ran out of booze before his payday. He drank his last big glass on Monday night. (he drinks alone in his tent at the days' end) This meant that he didn't get any booze on Tuesday night, like his body and mind were used to. Wednesday morning T L Ogre got up on edge and a bit grumpy. He got up and did his morning chores, then I got up and we got the dogs fed. He was very cross, on edge, and obviously in high anxiety mode. I tried to say as little as possible, get the dogs fed as quickly as possible, then steer clear of him until he left for work at his sister's house.

When he got back from work and errands, to say he was in high anxiety mode and alcohol withdrawals didn't even begin to cover it! He was filled with hate and rage. I was trying to stay clear of him, but our paths kept crossing as we went about evening chores. Plus, he can't break from that 'wanting to discuss how the day went' mode. He doesn't want to be together, but he does want to be together (NOT ME!) He wants me gone but he doesn't want me gone. (I WANT TO BE GONE!) No matter what I answered, everything I said was wrong and sent him into a raging, hate filled long lecture. I tried to lighten the mood with positive talk, but no matter what I said, it reminded him of something he hated and the ranting, raging, hate filled, demeaning lecture was on! I had to just sit there, still as I could, until he finished. (sometimes he had me pinned into a corner, standing over me as he raged)  When he is in these modes, you don't dare get up and walk away or the consequences will be much worse. 

This all killed my evening time, badly, too. His raging withdrawals took up so much time, it forced me to end up getting my chores and evening work done well on late into the night. It was such a relief when he finally called it a day and went to bed for the night! I was able to finally complete my day in peace.

The next morning he was much calmer and, although still an azz, back to his 'on the surface' normal. His booze had had time to kick in through the night and his body got the 'fix' and relief it was needing. Wow, how sad and pathetic!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

What is That Ogre Thinking?!?!?

I do believe that T L Ogre is the best I have ever seen for putting up front a likable, dare is say, normal,  persona, while deep down inside, inside where his real personality resides, is the most twisted, dangerous, meanest, perverted, farthest from normal person anyone could imagine.

The longer I am here, the more I keep discovering that shows just how sick, twisted, scary and dangerous he is. I am just almost to the point that I don't want to know any more, but I feel that I need to know to help warn any future victims.

Yesterday's finding was an eye-popper. I recently learned that he has joined some group/website called PragerU. Some of the "courses" I have seen that he was watched on there tend to raise the eyebrows, but yesterday's was an eye brow raising, mouth dropping, eye popping discovery!

The name of the course (video) he watched yesterday was called: "If There is no God, Murder Isn't Wrong" . . . . . . .upon more digging, I learned that he has watched/read this before. He seems to have really zoned in on this one.

I honestly can't say from which end of thinking he has zoned in on this topic, but the fact is, he HAS zoned in on it. Adding this in with an incident in his past, this becomes ultra scary to me. I can't elaborate further at the moment, though.

Where is this man's mind?! What is he thinking?! What is he pondering?!
Come on Property Closing!!! Hurry up!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Property Closing is Almost Here!

That beautiful, wonderful day is almost here!!! I talked to the realtor yesterday. There have been several issues that have slowed down the closing process (there usually is), but that wonderful closing date is finally in sight! The issues that slowed down the process were just some of those things that happen, nothing that anyone could probably have changed. And THAT is what the extra grace period that is added on to a closing date is for. It's fine. I am still trying to get pre-prep work done on this end before I can even think about moving anything.

So, how much longer until closing?!? Approximately 2 weeks, give or take a couple of days. I don't look forward to the moving part, but I DO look forward to getting to be "me" again, and being able to play with my critters and give them attention when I want to and build things when I want to and where I want to and how I want to, and plant a garden when I want to, and how I want to, and, well, you get the idea.

Some of you are sitting there thinking, "Why did you let him do that to you? Why didn't you just do it your way anyway?" First, that comes on very slowly, in tiny little doses, again, the Frog in the Pot syndrome. Second, when doing things "your way" results in a punishment for you, such as an animal getting killed or hurt, or your own self getting hurt, you oblige to keep peace and safety. You think that he is just having a bad day because he 'didn't used to be like this' and it won't happen again, so the pattern continues. Then one day you finally realize you have TOTALLY lost YOU! Then they don't like "YOU" any more because the 'you' they got into a relationship is gone. The want you, then they change you by taking the 'you' out of you, then they don't like you or want you any more. It really doesn't make sense, does it?!?!

I'm just glad that I am me and not him and the real 'ME' can leave and start over.

Thanks for stopping in and have a wonderful afternoon.

Signed -Betty Sue

Brrring, Brrrring..... Israeli Calling

Tuesday morning there was another one of those phone calls from one of the Israeli accented dudes. About two minutes before he called, there was another one of those calls where it rings, I answer, then it is just silence on the caller's end, no one speaks, but someone is there because you can usually hear occasional little noises in the background. We have been getting a LOT of those silent calls ever since I have been here. Now these calls seem to be coinciding with the accented dudes' calls. Coincidence or not, I don't know.

Mr. Accent Dude asked, in a friendly, casual tone, to speak with T L Ogre (used his real name). I again said, "He isn't here right now, can I take a message or have him call you back?"  Dude asked, "Are you his wife?" I replied, "No, I just live here. I am not his wife. He does NOT have a wife."  Dude concluded, "Thank you, I will just call back another time." and hung up before I could say another word.

Wednesday morning I was once again sitting at the computer next to the phone in the old office of this crumbling house. The phone rang. I answered. Silence. I said "Hello" several times. Nothing. Silence. I finally said into the silent phone, "T L Ogre (I used his real name) is NOT married. He does NOT have a wife. No one would marry him because he beats his wives!" and hung up.

Within the hour after I answered that call that way, one of those big, black helicopters was flying over the house low, banking right over the Ogre's tent. Within a half an hour, one of the local medical choppers did the same thing. For the next few hours, several of the local choppers were back and forth, dropping down low, right over the area of the Ogre's tent. The choppers flying low over this property has been happening quite a bit over the past year, increasing considerably over the past six months and shining their spotlights down, but they had slowed a bit recently. The sky was really quiet the past several days, then yesterday it was so busy it was down right scary! The Ogre complained about it last night, about  how many choppers had been back and forth all day. He nervously said he wondered what had been going on and frustratedly said he wished they would leave "us" alone, here. He finally concluded that there must have been a big accident somewhere or something.

I asked T L Ogre, when he got home, if he had seen the black chopper fly over. In a nervous tone he said that he had and that it had flown over his sister's house (where he works) first, then flew over this direction. He said that he just doesn't know what is up with that. Yea, Yea, Yea.....

This morning, once again, after he left for the day, one of those great big black helicopters flew right over the property, right over the old house, so low it shook it and looked like it might fall on it, then  dropped even lower right over the old Ogre's tent. What has this monster gotten in to!?!?!?
 It's probably best I don't know.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wordless Wednesday - Hobo Coffee

Wordless Wednesday

Hobo Stove Coffee! Yes, you can make coffee even if you don't have a stove to cook on.
Yes, the coffee pot is rough. It has been being heavily used over a campfire and needs a good scrubbing on the outside, but the inside does get washed regularly and the coffee was great! This was my first test with this "stove" and I didn't want to mess up a good coffee pot. It worked so well I even boiled it over once!

(Can't get the pics to line up like I wanted them to, today. A glitch today, maybe? Will try to update it another day)

Property Closing Date is Approaching!

I am getting anxious and excited this week. I am quickly approaching that set closing date at the end of this week. It is; however, looking like we could be going into the extension time grace period, though, and it may be a little longer. As long as I can get closed, soon, I am okay with that. I do still have a lot of prep work to do before I can start moving things. At last update with the realtor, everything was going along well. It is just taking awhile with the abstracting.

I dread the moving part. I still have no idea how I am going to get it all moved, both physically and financially. When I start to look around me at the mind boggling amount I have to move, and how much of it is heavy, it seems so overwhelming and impossible. But then I keep telling myself that it looked impossible (and pessimistic friends and family even firmly told me so) to get a piece of property instead of giving up everything and just running to a women's shelter, yet I was determined, I kept at it, and acquiring that piece of property is about to happen! Then there was the pick-up search. Again, family and friends insisted that it was impossible to find something to fill my specs for the price I set. It was a long, hard search, but again, I was determined and amazingly, it is now in the driveway.

I am trying to focus harder on the baby steps and not the whole picture, because the whole picture of getting moved is so overwhelming. I am still heart broken that I lost so much in the move a little over a year ago, that all of my belongings didn't get moved, then, and I wonder how I can expect it to all to get moved now, if it didn't all get moved then.... but I also now know that back then, unknown to me then, there was something working against me getting all of my stuff moved, something (someone) that I never dreamed would have done such a thing, someone I trusted, that turned out adamantly did NOT want me to move all of my stuff. Someday I will tell that story, but not right now. Right now I need to focus on this move and surviving the rages and stupid stunts until I do get it moved.

I am sooo looking forward to the starting over on my own part! I am looking forward to having a little freedom again and being able to do some things my way without getting punished for it.  I am still sad that life the way I thought it was going to be here, a life that I had looked forward to, was just all talk on the Ogre's end and was never going to be a reality, that it was just all a con, that I fell for, to get me here.... that all those years I could have been doing all of that on my own are gone, but I have to stay focused on the positive, that I have gained a wealth of knowledge, stuff you just don't find in text books, and although most days I don't feel strong at all, I know that I have gained a lot of strength and even more determination through all of this.

So, please say a wish and a prayer that the closing on my new property happens very soon so that I can get over there to start clearing some of the land so I can start moving. Thank you!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day....

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, March 27, 2017

He Kicked Another Hen!

It was one day last week, Wednesday I think. We were each working on our outside chores, leaving each other alone. T L Ogre seemed a little more on edge than he had been the past several days. It was payday, and he had just gotten a new 'bottle'. He gets like this when he has had to go a couple of days without any booze (when he runs out before pay day), but he had stretched last week's bottle out and made it last the week. Yet he still seemed on that kind of edge he is when he gets a new bottle and he can't wait for the day to end so he can go sit in his tent, alone, and nurse on a little juice (or a lot).

Anyway, he was walking along the path, past a grouping of scratching hens, when one of my big hens walked across in front of him. That's it... just walked across his path. T L Ogre started raging and screaming "Damn pet chicken!", as he hauled off and kicked her hard, sending my unsuspecting and gentle hen flying about eight feet!

I complained, "Hey! What did you do that for?!" He looked up and saw that I had seen him do it. He justified in his shrill, squeaky, high anxiety voice, "She got in front of me! She's a damn pet chicken! I HATE pet chickens! I don't want them getting under my feet. She needs to stay out of my way." Then he got sarcastic and said in a very childish, sarcastic tone, "I'm not going to walk along doing a shuffle through them." as he made a sarcastic goofy face and demonstrated a stupid, shuffle waddle across the path. "They have to learn not to walk in front of me!"

My poor hen! He kicked her HARD! She had no idea what she had done wrong. She was so dazed and confused. They are free range chickens. She was just casually walking along,  pecking and scratching, head down to the ground pecking and eating, then all of a sudden, a huge foot hit her hard and sent her flying!! They walk around all over scratching and looking for food and this was right next to their chicken house where they congregate the most. They were just doing what chickens do. I don't think for a minute that it was really about the hen at all. He was just feeling anxious and just had to hurt something.  I am so afraid to leave to go anywhere. I'm so afraid of what he will do to my animals while I am gone. The monster should never be allowed to own any kind of animal at all!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, March 24, 2017

Getting a Little Spooked

This post may make more sense to you readers after I make some future posts. This happened this week and has been bothering me since, so I just need to vent and document it. Even for me, if I just write down things as they happen (never enough time to write all that is going on), even if they don't make sense, then eventually I can put a pattern together out of several occurrences and figure a few things out. Not sure I want to figure this one out, though.

Monday the phone rang. T L Ogre was at work and I was sitting here at the computer. I answered the call. A very heavily accented voice asked to speak with T L Ogre (asked for him by his first and last name). I said that he was not here right now and asked if I could take a message. The guy asked, "Are you a family member?" I said, "No, I am just a resident here." He replied, "That's okay, Bye, bye." and instantly hung up. Strange.

This guy (or someone else with the same type of accent) has called a few times before. They always ask for the Ogre, then hang up when I ask for a number to have him call them back at. One even asked for his "Buddy, T L Ogre (used his real name)".  Always this unfamiliar, heavy accent.

I wrote the current phone call info down by the phone. I forgot to tell the Ogre about it until the next day and asked if he had seen the note I left for him by the phone. He got an odd look on his face when I described the call and asked, "What kind of accent?" I said that I didn't know, it wasn't Mexican or Spanish for sure. It sounded more like Middle Eastern." T L straightened his stance, took on a cocky, holier than though attitude, serious, above everyone else look on his face and asked, "Pakistani accent, maybe?" I said, yea, it sounded more like that. Still in his odd stance with his odd look on his face he asked in a strange, slow drawl, "Israeli accent, maybe?" I said it could have been, but I hadn't talked to anyone from there, so I couldn't say for sure.

T L Ogre then stiffened his stance even more, took on an even more authoritative stern look and stated, "I could be getting a call from an Israeli. In fact, there are several Israelis that could be calling me, so it could be any one of them." He then narrowed his eyes and tried to search mine for a reaction to his statement. I tried my best to keep a "ho hum" reaction to it and just said, "Well, I was just checking to see if you got your message" then went on about my chores.  It wasn't easy to remain ho hum, matter of fact, though, because his whole air about him was so very odd and spooky ... a serious, stern air that said he and his Israeli friends were "above" all of the rest of us and they were up to something. A distinct, bitter air about him.

You see, T L Ogre has decided that he wants to be Jewish. I have no idea how far back this goes, but I keep finding more and more evidence that it goes back much further than I had thought. He is heavily studying how to be, and how to convert to Judaism. He is making all kinds of lifestyle changes to try and be Jewish. He spends hours each day in his new found studies. He is also studying how to speak Hebrew, and following along all that is going on in Israel. He is even obsessed with trying to find a certain kind of sandals to wear at a price he can afford, and I have found where he has sent a monetary donation to have a tree planted in Israel.

I am running out of time right now, so I will just say that the list of discoveries on this subject is growing and is mind boggling, to say the least. I am not sure what to make of it and I am not even going to try right now. And he stupidly wonders why choppers, small planes and drones keep flying over low and swooping down over his tent and spotlighting it *eye roll*.  I guess I better watch my back yet a little closer. Yep, glad I have several big, loving and loyal dogs by my side, especially at night. All that dog food gets hard to come by at times, but at the moment, my babies are literally a life saver! They have been on several occasions through out the past several years and deserve a feast.  Gotta run for now. Again, please keep me and my farm babies in your prayers of safety.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day and a great weekend.

Signed - Betty Sue

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 2

A few months ago T L Ogre began having tremor spells. Sometimes just his hands shake (in a way he can't control), then on very rare occasions, his entire body gets the shakes. He complains about these spells in a somewhat panicked tone. It also frustrates him and seems to make him angry. The control freak can not control his body! Sometimes, all this shaking and tremors make it difficult, to near impossible to perform some tasks, such as simply trying to insert a screw driver into a screw.

I thought these spells were kind of odd, but had chocked them up to him probably drinking way too much strong coffee for the day. Some days he will just have a cup of coffee, but others, he will drink a couple of pots of super strong coffee. At first, I just figured that the latter was what was causing it.

When I simply, and calmly, suggested that he cut back a little on the coffee and see if that was what was causing it, he got bitterly angry with me... angry because I was so calm about it and didn't go into a panicked, worry state. He took it that I didn't care. I honesty thought that he just simply had had too much strong coffee. I mean, if someone drinks that much strong coffee in a day, I would think that the sensible thing to do would be to cut back for a few days and see if it made a difference. Now I know that those trembly, tremor spells were (and are) from going a few days without any booze. That would also explain the anger, to the point of rage, because I didn't get all panicked with worry over the tremors... he was withdrawing. The tremors, the temper, and the inability to control his temper seem to be all part of the withdrawals due to his need for alcohol. As I have started closely watching his alcohol consumption level, in conjunction with odd symptoms he is having, I am distinctly seeing a definite relationship between the two. When he runs out of money and booze, he has tremors and/or other withdrawal symptoms. When he gets a little money and a bottle, he feels good again.

I will discuss other withdrawal symptoms over the next few days. Stay tuned for Part 3.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, March 20, 2017

Four Month Hand Update

It has now been 4 months since the Ogre violently whacked my hand with a large fire log while in one of his extreme rages. It has been horrible, and literally given me nightmares as I relive it in my sleep, but I do feel very fortunate that it wasn't my head. As he had held that fire log high in the air that day, his face filled with rage, his eyes darted back and forth between my hand and my head as he appeared to momentarily ponder where to make his first hit, my arm/hand or my head. I was frozen with fear and the wild, dark, angry look in his eyes had convinced me that he was going to bash my head.  He had ended up choosing my hand, raised the log back up as if to swing it again as he glared at my head, my eyes pleading with him to not hit me again, but then suddenly threw it down and physically went for my dog that was then huddled close by in great fear, no longer growling nor nor snapping at the Ogre, just huddled in total fear. I am trying to put this past me, but somehow, I still keep reliving it, especially in my sleep.

I am still at a plateau in my healing. I still have a lot of pain in my hand, especially in one particular area. When there is pressure against it, it actually feels like a bone splinter is trying to poke through my skin. When I hold onto something really warm to hot, it feels wonderful! When my hand gets cold or touches anything cold, especially like picking up an ice cube, it hurts like crud!

There is still a lot of numbness and tingling in the tips of several of my fingers and when I have to push my hand and use it for a length of time, it goes almost completely numb. That numbness and tingling are even more frustrating and much harder to live with than the pain and swelling.

The worst and most upsetting and frustrating part, though, is the lack of mechanics in my hand, now. As I said before, this was my dominant hand. On top of that, I had to put extra work on this hand because I had a really bad injury in my other hand years ago and it tires easily, aches with heavy use, and gives out easily. Now the mechanics of this hand are all messed up. Even typing is very difficult. I have to really concentrate and work at getting the message from my mind to my hand, now, to type anything. If I am typing absently mindedly, my page becomes just a jibberish mess. My hand pops open at the slightest bit of pressure on it which causes me to drop nearly everything I forget and pick up with it, which results in a lot of spilled and/or broken stuff, which in turn, wastes a lot of stuff and costs a lot of money I don't have to spare. Lifting anything with this hand is still nearly impossible. I am beginning to push it just a bit, though, lifting lighter stuff and holding it a few seconds, to try and hopefully begin to strengthen it back up as much as possible.

My shoulder hasn't totally healed from that night (it was injured, also, from the impact of the Ogre's swing and hit with the fire log as my arm swung backwards.) but it has made great improvements. Some days I forget now that it was hurt. I am hoping that that is a good sign that my shoulder, at least, will completely heal.

T L Ogre still has never apologized for smacking my hand with that fire log. He seems to still have the attitude that I needed to be punished for not letting him kill my dog. Deep down, though, I think he realizes what a mistake he made. No, he still isn't remorseful, just scared stiff that I will tell someone and they might think badly of him. He worries so much about people possibly thinking bad of him. Four months ago, I was still stuck back here in my isolated corner, cut off  from most of the rest of the world. Now, in order for me to be able to move out, I am in contact with quite a few people and I finally got some wheels so I can begin to move once I am finally closed on the land. He has started carrying the heavier things for me, and subtly doing "nice" things for me as often as he can, things that will take pressure off of that hand. He is seeing that four months down the line, it isn't healing. He sees that as I make land arrangements, hopefully find some friends to help me move, search for a doctor for my hand, just sees in general that other people are going to see that I am having issues with my hand and want to know why. I feel like he is buttering me up, hoping I won't "tell". This is so friggin' frustrating! The emotional pain from my hand injury, too, is far worse, even, than the physical pain. I still hold on to hope that somehow, my hand will have a full recovery and be my strong, dominant hand once again.

Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, March 10, 2017

Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 1

It is a very sad and scary thing to watch someone that is addicted to alcohol. I am not talking your basic, average alcoholic. I am talking hardcore, mentally and physically addicted to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that T L Ogre is just that, firmly addicted to alcohol. Even his body appears to get very sick, now, if he has to go a few days without any alcohol.

In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol.  In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.

As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.

All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place.  He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.

A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.

I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker.  I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability."  His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?

Stay tuned for Part 2 of  "Alcohol Withdrawals?"

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, March 9, 2017

T L Ogre Moved His Bottle Pile

The Ogre's building wine bottle pile was by his tent. He seemed to keep only one really visible at a time, the others tucked in between his food totes. All the low flying planes and choppers really make him nervous and paranoid so I imagine he was worried someone from overhead might see them. He keeps the hard stuff inside the old house, mostly Scotch. Most of it is all drank up, now, too, but the pile of those empties he keeps in his old bedroom of the crumbling old house.

After his pile by the tent began to build a bit, he moved those new empty bottles to back behind the chicken shed with the rest of his big pile of dusty empties from past drinking days. A new pile is now forming by the tent. He went through a couple of extra bottles when he got his tax return, so there is, once again, a 3 bottle pile, and growing, next to his tent, and a new bottle started inside. Oddly enough, it looks like he only had one big glass last night.  Yet somehow, that one glass made him over sleep. He seems to have been pretty sick lately from having gone several days without any booze until he got paid yesterday and got a new bottle, so maybe that one big glass gave him what he "needed" for now and his body relaxed and he finally slept. Good thing because after a few days of no booze, his agitation was really beginning to build again. It really is a sad situation. Much as I don't like what I have gotten into, I would much rather be in my shoes than his, for sure.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Under Contract on Land!

Yes! I am finally under contract on a beautiful piece of land! I have had such a hectic last week or so, I am not sure where I left off on my land looking update. The last piece of land I was trying to close on had to be taken off of the market. Besides so much missing paperwork on it, an abandoned gas well was found right in the center of the property. It could be ages before it is capped off properly and ready to sell. Then there would always be a worry of possible toxins leaching out into the soil. So it was pulled off of the market and my search continued.

Unbelievably, I found another property that was even better than that one, for the same price! It is also 3 acres bigger with a year round creek running through one side of it. I am now under contract on that acreage and anxiously awaiting my closing date. I am getting there, one wobbly baby step at a time.

I hope I haven't worried anyone with it taking so long for me to get back on here. I have been extra busy running around trying to get things squared away with getting the property and using a borrowed vehicle to try and find myself a pick up. The pick up search isn't going so well, but I am holding on to the hope that the right one for me will come along soon and everything will fall into place when it does. I am also working on getting some of the critters better updated to make the move and transition a bit easier and safer for them. Yesterday, I finally found the right collars I needed for the dogs and they all have sturdy new collars. Amazingly, only one of them is annoyed with it. The rest of them seem to love their new "necklace". Even better, the day before I went to get their collars, someone told me about a coupon I could get to go towards them, so with that I got $10 off of the whole purchase. That was really great, but even better yet, when I went into the store, the collars were also $1 off of each one, so that was another $7 off for a total of $17 savings! I love it when stuff like that all falls into place all at once! I will just need to get one more collar for my little dog that is fostered out right now, but have to measure his neck first. They got him one but I'm it isn't quite right for him, not for long term. Next, save back up for a couple of new, sturdy leashes and some goat collars.

So much to do just to get prepped to move the farm, but I don't mind this part. It is a sign that I am moving forward and out. This is a good thing.

I gotta get back to it for now. Thanks for stopping in and you have a great day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Three Month Hand Update

It has been three months, now, since T L Ogre whacked my hand with the big fire log. (It was 3 months on Feb 20th)  I seem to have hit a plateau in my hand's healing.  My hand made some very small improvements, initially, but over the past month, there has been little to no improvement at all. I still have a lot of pain in it, still a lot of numbness and tingling, and there is still some swelling. Most of the pain and swelling is concentrated right where my middle and ring fingers attach to my palm.  I have no doubt that it was broken there, and isn't healing properly.

I am so frustrated with how many daily tasks I am having problems doing, many I can't do at all, from that big ole Ogre whacking my hand. Even just simply drying my hands off with a towel hurts, hurts a lot. I have to just carefully blot dry that hand. Opening jars is almost impossible. Just a couple of minutes of typing sends that hand to throbbing to the point of near tears. Countless times throughout the day, when I put any pressure on my fingers on that hand, or even the palm, my hand spasms and my fingers draw up. This stinks! Will it ever heal?

I am having to learn to use my wrist and my elbow a lot, in place of my hand. That does not work nearly as well as a hand, but I have to do something to keep going as much as I can. Knitting and crocheting are slow, difficult and very painful, some days my hand draws up so bad it just isn't possible at all. Even simple tasks such as turning a door knob or opening a car door are difficult to nearly impossible. Performing any kind of activity that requires any pressure on that hand just doesn't work. Holding my little flashlight at night with that hand is extra difficult. After a few seconds of grasping a flashlight, my hand either draws up or releases what I am holding. Part of my daily routines requires me to hold a flashlight with one hand, while performing a chore/task with the other hand. This is now not an option. My daily chores and tasks have become so much more challenging and difficult.

It feels like there is a rock in the middle of my palm, where my fingers attach on the palm side. I have no idea what that could be but, as I said, that is where the majority of the pain is centered, along with the swelling. Heat is very soothing to my hand, especially when applied to the part that feels like a rock. But anything cold, even just the air being cold, hurts like heck!  I need to find somewhere and have it checked, now. The puppies are all rehomed so I don't have to worry about leaving them, and at the moment, he is in an "up" or more level mood for the most part, so it is now time to find a way to get somewhere, and where to go, to get my hand checked out while I am in the moment.

I had a little accident a few nights ago that was very telling with this hand. It told me that my hand is still worse than I realized. I had made a pot of coffee on top of the kerosene heater in the tent. The coffee was at a medium rolling boil and had been for awhile. Keep in mind that the connector to attach the lid to the pot is broken, so the lid just loosely sets on the pot. Also remember that my right hand had been badly injured years ago and sometimes isn't real sturdy.

I picked up the pot of boiling coffee with my right hand and started to pour it into my coffee cup, held with my left hand. My right hand unexpectedly wobbled hard, the lid went flying and coffee started to splash. In my efforts to regain control of the boiling hot coffee, I managed to pour the boiling hot coffee in the pot all over the back of my left hand that was holding the coffee cup (the hand the Ogre whacked). The most shocking and scary part of all of that was.... it didn't hurt!

There I stand, totally confused because the coffee was at a rolling boil when I started to pour it into the cup, I instead poured it all over my hand (about 2 coffee cups worth or more), my hand was beat red, but I only felt a slight warmth and no pain! I kept thinking, that should have hurt. Wasn't that coffee hot? I grabbed a bottle of cool water next to me and poured over my hand because I knew it should have hurt. It was red, obviously scalded, but didn't feel hot nor burned, so common sense told me that it needed to be cooled off. I stood there puzzled, then decided to take a sip of the coffee that had made it into the cup to see if it was, indeed, hot. At this point, the coffee in the cup had had a minute or two to cool. Yep, it was hot! I burnt the end of my tongue and a corner of my lip on that sip. My tongue still hurt and had a small blister on it even the next day. So.... my hand should have felt that boiling coffee that heavily poured over the entire back of my hand. This is not good.

My hand didn't blister, but it was very red all the next day. Hopefully pouring cool water over it immediately heedlp keep that from happening, but the next day, and still today, if I run my other hand over the back of the injured hand, I can slightly feel on the surface some pain from the boiling coffee. Yep, time to start looking for a medical place that will check my hand out without me having any insurance or money, and tell me what is wrong with it. I need to know before I start putting the extra stress of packing and moving onto it and see if there is anything I can be doing that will make it heal further. Please help me pray that my hand is not permanently damaged, that it will have a full recovery, and some positive, healing thoughts would be great, also. Thank you!

Thank you, also, for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Reasonably Okay, But Busy

I just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I am doing reasonably okay... just busy. I am still having problems, at times, controlling my emotions (mostly when I am alone), but I am hanging in there, so far.

I have had to spend a LOT of time the past few days trying to get through red tape, the system and all the rules and regulations in order to get to the point of contract on a piece of land. I have also spent some time looking the land over as best I could (a lot of it will have to be cleared) and talking with the neighbors to learn a bit about the area.

I will be back shortly.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers  and positive thoughts that all goes well, that I make the right decisions, that I am choosing the right piece of land and I make it all the way through closing without any more issues, that I find the pick up I need and and figure out how to acquire the funds for it, that I can find a way to get everything - my entire belongings and farm- moved successfully, and everything else that goes along with getting me and the critters out of here safely.

Thank you sooo much and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, February 20, 2017

No Post Time, today, but doing okay.

I just wanted to take a moment to let anyone that might be worried know that I am okay today.... hand is really sore, but nothing bad so far with the day.

I just don't have posting time, today, because I have spent my Internet time looking for a back-up piece of property. One of the issues with the property I am trying to get, might not be repairable in the time frame I have to get moved, so I have spent the morning looking at new listings in the areas I am considering moving to. I have one excellent possibility, but will know more on it tomorrow.

Have a good day, all, and please continue to keep me and my situation in your prayers and positive thoughts. Thank you and bless  you!

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, February 17, 2017

T L Ogre is a Drunken Alcoholic!

Gosh, I'm not even sure where to start on this one. In the beginning, T L Ogre told me that in his younger days, he drank a lot, A LOT.  He said that he was young and stupid and drank to the point he was an alcoholic, he was never sober, but that he wasn't an alcoholic any more... he was now a "recovered alcoholic." That did send off a little warning flag with me, but over and over he assured me that he did not drink at all, now. He assured me that he understood that it was wrong, it messed up your life and your body, and that he would not do that again. I did always wonder, though, how he 'recovered' without any help.

On down the line he started talking about having an occasional glass of red wine with his dinner.  He insisted that it was only a very small glass once in a blue moon, because a little red wine was good for you now and then. I didn't think that a "recovered alcoholic" could have any alcohol at all, so I really wondered about this. I researched and learned that some 'recovered alcoholics' can have a very occasional drink, but not most.

At Christmas time that first year, he got a bottle of Scotch for a gift from a relative. Turned out, it was an annual gift. He cussed and cursed because it wasn't the right kind. He liked another kind better and the gift he got wasn't the right one. How ungrateful!  He said he saved it for special occasions and had a sip when it was super cold outside, to warm him up. Hmmmmmm........ For me, this was a bigger red flag. As far as I knew (I was still at my own home), the bottle did last all year.

After I moved here just over a year ago, I never saw him drinking. He held to the fact that he was a recovered alcoholic. When his daughter got married, he did break open some special bottle of extremely old and rare booze, but supposedly only had a sip or two out of it. Then one day, a few months ago, his other sister (the one he calls the evil sister) gave him a bottle of red wine that she had had about half a glass out of and didn't like. A couple times a week, he would enjoy a glass of it with his long, hot bath, until it was finally gone.

One night, not long after that bottle was gone, I came in to the old house to use the computer. I saw him bent over in the doorway of the old bedroom, and the strong smell of alcohol permeated the air! He shuffled stuff around really fast, stood up and started to try and make casual small talk, but stuttered and stammered the whole time. Busted! It was so obvious he was sneaking a drink. He didn't just openly say he was taking a swig or something, and offer me a taste, too, he had to hide it! It seems he much prefers drinking alone.

He has started bringing  home his "pay day" bottle of wine the night of pay day. It looks like it is about half a gallon of some really good quality red wine. It is always empty by morning. He is now making it a habit of getting is "pay day drunk on."  The bottles are beginning to pile of next to his tent. There are three there, now. Looks like he lied to me about all those "empties" sitting behind his little work shop. He said someone had given him the empty bottles, but they are all exactly like the empties by the tent.

The day he helped me tarp over the roof on my old travel trailer so the roof doesn't leak when it rains (until I can get the roof sealed up better-I will do that after I move it), he was so drunk he could hardly stand up! He kept stumbling all over the place and nearly fell several times. When he bent over to tie down corners of the tarp, he really had a hard time with keeping from falling over. He would stand up and complain that it "made him dizzy to bend over and tie the ropes". He never had that kind of problem before. And that wasn't an excuse for why he was stumbling around when he was standing straight up and having a hard time understanding anything I was saying. It was Saturday and he was getting his drunk on!

This strongly concerns me! What if he goes into one of his narcissistic rages while he is drunk, or at least, under the influence of alcohol? The end result could be much worse than just a broken hand. He is on an edge again. I feel, sense and see it coming on. Although filled with lies and just plain being a stupid a..h...e, he has been forcing himself to be "nice" lately, overly nice. Just sickening, but a bit less stressful and a lot less scary. Is the alcohol connected? I just don't know. He got his Wednesday night (pay day) drunk on .... then over slept by a LOT, on Thursday morning. I also noticed, though, that his "Scotch" glass was on the bathroom counter on Wednesday night. I hadn't seen that glass in a long, long time.  I checked the bottle and it is nearly empty, now.  So .... besides consuming an entire large bottle of wine all by himself on Wednesday night, it appears he also had a glass of his Scotch while lounging in his leisurely hot bath that night and Thursday night. These last two days are also when his "edge" and anxiety seemed to start building back up. I am concerned that all of this could drastically raise my danger level.  God, keep me safe and help me through this!

I will be talking to the realtor today and I am hoping and praying hard for some good news. I will appreciate your prayers and good thoughts with that as well.

Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day and a beautiful weekend.

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Land Hunt Update

I thought I would take a moment to give an update on the land looking. I guess it is in the eye of the beholder as to how well it is or isn't going.  Finding the minimum of what I feel I need in a parcel of land, with my ultra meager funding, is a challenge in itself. Adding one unexpected hurdle right after another on top of that, makes it a frustrating challenge that the average person would just give up on. .... but I'm not average.

Important paperwork to the land is missing. When the realtor tries to track it down, he just gets referred to the next person, who then refers him to the next person, and so on, and so on, and so on. Someday I will explain exact details as to what exactly is missing, but for now, just know that it is something that I just won't close on without knowing.

In the search for that paperwork, another big hurdle, also with missing information, popped up. So that information now has to also be found. It would still probably be doable, it will just determine more of the property's worth/value and where and how I build on the land.

While all that was going on, the funds for the loan for the land disappeared in the mail! That was a scare, but it has finally been found and I am good to go with that, now. One hurdle down, a few more big ones to cross.

I just don't know, nor understand, why trying to get this (or any other property I have checked into) has become such a battle, such a time stall, but I just keep telling myself that there has to be a reason for it. I have to be patient and keep plugging forward. I won't deny it, I am having some serious frustration moments. I am having some  moments where it feels like I am going to be stuck like an hostage here forever.  Then someone comes along, like my youngest daughter, today, and gives me some beautiful words of support and I am able to focus again and keep on moving forward. It was strange, about an hour after she gave me some very encouraging words today, the missing funds were found! I did have to laugh once, when one of the statements she made were my own words that I used to say to everyone, thrown back at me, ha, ha, ha. Hit with my own words of advice. It worked!

Although I will follow and flow with where ever I feel I am being led, I really hope it is this piece of property that I am trying to purchase. I pray that all the hurdles get straightened out quickly and smoothly, I can close soon, and begin to move and rebuild my farm, to start life over anew, once again. Please help me pray, too, and keep me and my situation in your positive thoughts.

Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Napping With Uncle - Wordless Wednesday

 Wordless Wednesday

Napping With Uncle

Food Stamp Saga - part 8

preface - I apologize if this sounds too wordy or jumbled. I had countless interruptions as I was writing this post.
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I got the food card and went in to Walmart. This post picks up from the last post on the January 2nd outing after we had left the food stamp office.  I only wanted to get a few basic items at that point because I wanted to make my biggest grocery purchase at discount and closeout stores in the next town.  I spent approximately $10 in Walmart for a total of about $33 of groceries up to that point for the month.  We were supposed to go discount grocery store shopping in a  few days, so I didn't get any more than that.

Forty days later, I still had not gotten to get any more groceries! If I could go, he had an excuse that he couldn't. A large part of that time, though, I could not leave because I had puppies to watch.  It was cold and I had to stay close to keep the momma dogs and other dogs from accidentally smashing the puppies in their effort of trying too hard to snuggle close to keep them warm.  We had the puppies because T L Ogre put the dogs together, then bailed on us all, but that story will be for another post series.

So over the next 40 days, I lived on the "stock up for emergency" foods I had tucked away.  Oh was I ever glad I had gone food dehydrator happy last Summer and Fall!

Of course, T L Ogre had to periodically brag about how good some of the things he was buying and eating were during the time I was getting really burned out on stale, out-dated, old tasting foods. (But I was truly glad I had them on hand) He did offer to share some bread or fruit a couple of times.   I did not like the feeling that gave me so I took a piece of fruit once and that was it.  His tone, body language and expressions all felt like he felt sorry for me and was giving me a hand out.  Something in that just wasn't right.

A couple of times a couple of my elderly relatives made the long drive out here and brought me a "care" box with a little fresh food and basic essentials.  I appreciated that more than I could ever express!

I could get T L Ogre to pick up pet supplies for me (my cost) because he finally understood that I would call animal welfare if he didn't, but not groceries.  He might have picked up an occasional item in town, locally, if I begged hard enough, but it would have cost more than where I usually shop.  I needed to stretch what I had left on that card, out as far as I could!  There were signs all throughout that long stretch that he had been to the next town over and he had been to those stores, but he never let me know he was going so he could pick something up for me.

So, I lived forty days without going to a grocery store, only got a few grocery items at the beginning of that stretch, and it had been about a month, also, prior to that  that I had not been to a store and he had only picked up a few dollar's worth of groceries (for us) during that time. I didn't like it, but it sure was an excellent test of how well I am doing with my emergency food prep skills and what I need to work on more.

Last Saturday, I finally got to go grocery shopping and use up all the funds I had left on that food card!  It was a beautiful, unseasonably warm day, only one puppy is left and big enough I could leave for the day.  T L Ogre needed to go over to that town for a few items, also, and said I could go if I helped with the gas.  I had to stifle a laugh.  He didn't  have enough gas money to go on his own!  I was still very sick and after the first two stores, realized I was still much weaker than I thought, but I pushed and got my shopping done!  And no, he would not help me load my groceries into the truck, either.  He just sat in the cab complaining that his foot hurt and he didn't have any money to get anything.

I also had to unload all of my groceries back at 'home' by myself.  My hand and knee were in agony, but I finally got it all unloaded and tucked away in storage totes.  I think I am enjoying my big box of fresh fruits and vegetables, best!  I was sooo salad hungry.  I was so thankful to have my tucked away stock of dehydrated veggies, but you just can't beat that fresh produce!

Throughout that day, as we drove around from store to store and on the trip home, he made mention of several times he had been, himself, and purchased this and that at the various stores.  I said,
I didn't know you had come and gotten groceries here." He replied, "It was when you had to watch the puppies and couldn't come." Ugh! I knew he had, I had found the signs of it, but now he had to rub it in. He had the food card with him, he had my funds on it, too, he came to the stores I needed to go to for groceries, but NEVER, during that 40 day period, did he tell me he was and ask what I needed picked up! What an azz! I could have given him at least a short list each of items those times so that I didn't have to pick mold off of my bread and cheese and all. He knew that I was having to do that, too.  He had to offer me some of his bread, instead, during that time so he appeared like he was doing something nice and sympathetically wonderful for me. Grrr.....

I really stretched the dollar out as far as I could, but I will need to still be thrifty and make it last as long as I can, as I am still at "$0" income and no longer have food stamps.  About two days before the day they told me to come back in to apply, I reminded him and asked if he could take me on that day.  He said, "No, just apply online. You can do it that way."  That will mean a phone conference, a conversation he has access to listen in on, leaving no way for me to get opportunity to speak freely with a human services worker, which, I am sure, is why he insists I sign up online.

I'm gonna be okay.  I will get through this.  I will once again earn a good income and, with that income,  I will purchase all of my own groceries where I want, when I want .... what I don't grow myself, that is.

Thanks for stopping in and for your support. Have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Is It Attempted MURDER if . . . . .

I have several health issues.  Most of my health issues I do pretty well at keeping under control, but there is that occasional flare up.  Stress is one of the biggest triggers that will flare up any of my health issues.  TL Ogre knows and fully understands all of this.

Two of my biggest stress induced health issues are asthma and heart problems.  Little did I know that TL Ogre would use this against me. I never dreamed that someone that is supposed to be your loving life partner, someone that is supposed to be there for you in sickness and in health, through everything, no matter what, would use your  health issues as a tool to punish and hurt you, but that is exactly what happened.

I'm not sure exactly how far back it started, how far back that he realized that his screaming rages or even just his didn't-make-sense-verbal beatings sent me into asthma attacks and/or mini strokes and heart attack symptoms, but he did eventually see that is caused it and ran with it.  When he would go into his screaming rages, or give me one of his long winded, never ending, belittling, verbal beatings, I would start gasping for air and go into an asthma attack and/or the left side of my body would go numb from head to toe, beginning with my left hand and foot, followed by my heart flip flopping around, chest pains, shortness of breath, jaw pain, etc. Sometimes my left eye feels like someone is stabbing it with an ice pick and feel like it will never stop! I tried so hard to block him out and relax my breathing, but it just didn't seem to help. His 'attacks' were just too harsh. That mean old Ogre would see my breathing became labored, or see me start flexing my hand trying to keep it from going numb, pause a moment with a small sadistic grin on his face, then plow even harder into me with his raging.  He loved me!  Why was he doing this?!  Why was he being so mean?!

When he either just plain ran out of steam and couldn't rage any more, and/or felt that he had me sick enough that my daily tasks would be a huge struggle, he would stop and walk away with a satisfied smug, evil grin on his face.

After many of those "episodes", my left foot and leg would be so numb and heavy I could barely walk.  My leg would often buckle under me, but I had to push and get my chores and daily tasks done as close to on time as possible, or I would get another round.  I was terrified he was gong to kill me this way!!  And of course, this is when he would give me an impossible list of extra chores to do, with consequences attached if the list wasn't completed, which it was not possible to complete, so punishment(s) were/was issued.

One day, at the end of one of these episodes, I verbally spelled out what he was doing to me, to my health, and asked if it didn't bother him, if he was sorry for what he was doing to me.  His exact reply was, "I'm sorry you can't take it, but it has to be done."

What?!?!?! He HAS to verbally beat me into asthma and heart attack symptoms???? This blew me away!  Why was he doing this?? Why did he feel he had to do this to me? He was supposed to be the love of my life, take care of me when I was sick, not MAKE me sick!!

The rages and verbal beatings grew in numbers and intensity, they escalated beyond out of control after that conversation.  This is when he started getting in my face screaming, flailing his arms at me making me think he was going to hit me, putting his mouth up to my ear (while I was sitting in a short chair in the middle of the yard with no way to get up and escape because he was bent over me - more of his sadistic use of my agoraphobia) screaming criticisms into my ear until my ear drum rattled with vibrations, knowing I do not have ear wax to buffer sound (birth defect), knowing it would send me into an asthma attack and stroke symptoms.

 Yet, periodically, he would sarcastically mouth at me, "We need to get you to a doctor and get that checked (stroke symptoms), but he would never tell me to go ahead and make an appointment and if I did, I would have been punished for the bill it created.

One day, on a particularly bad day, when I just could not keep quiet after an intense verbal beating, followed by his threat to "take me somewhere to be checked", I called him on it.  The verbal beating that day had been an extra bad one.  I was having strong stroke and heart attack symptoms.  One too many times he turned around, those daggers dancing from his darkened eyes, and sarcastically half screamed that we needed to get me somewhere to get "that checked".  I was feeling really bad and had no patience left that day, so I turned around to face him, several yards between us (I had been limping away to get my chores started), and said as calmly as I possibly could, "Yes, I need to go and have this problem checked.  When I do, the doctor is going to ask me what is stressing me so badly because both of these health issues for me are usually triggered by stress.  I will be honest and tell him what is causing it.

He was furious!  Body puffed, nostrils flared, he barked, "So, I'm doing it??!?! You think I am causing your stress?!  You think I am stressing you enough to cause that to happen?!?!

I very calmly said, "Yes, you are.  When the doctor asks what I think is causing it, that is what I will tell him."  The Ogre steamed, huffed, turned and stormed off to his next chore.  He spent the remainder of the day in obvious silent rage within himself. I noticed later that evening that his blood pressure cuff had been used.  As soon as he understood, though, that I would not hesitate to tell a doctor. nor anyone else I could get contact with, that he was inducing my ill health symptoms, the screaming rages slowed down to almost a halt.  I said almost, not totally stopped.  They were; however, replaced with other "punishments".  A narcissist will not be controlled, they just shift gears and go with another avenue.

So . . . . . .  is it attempted murder if someone knowingly, purposefully, and with full intent, creates a situation or performs an act, even just verbally, that they know will cause another person to go into an asthma attack, stroke (mini or regular) or heart attack?  I firmly believe it IS attempted murder!  What do you think? I would love to hear your opinions and views on this topic.

Thanks for stopping in and thank you for your support. Have a wonderful day of love this Valentine's Day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Monday, February 13, 2017

Another Clutch of Eggs and Just Touching Base

Howdy, all!
I don't have much time today, so I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know I am alright. Still sick, had a set back over the weekend, but improving again.

I found another small clutch of eggs a couple of days ago. They were so big and beautiful! I kept my mouth shut this time, lol. There were half a dozen. I put them in a carton and promptly put them in my "kitchen dresser" in the tent, no word about them. Pretty sad when you have to start hiding food. Funny thing though, he never did take any eggs to his sister until today, then asked if it was okay with me first. No telling what war would have started if I had said no, and I had no reason to say no, so I half smiled and said yes, no problem. Dang, I must have really scared him with my disapproving face the other day, over the eggs. It's just eggs.  He had also recently started counting chickens, though, and realized that about 90% of them are mine, lol. I figure, my chickens, his feed, we split them. No problem on my end. Split the eggs, I mean, not the chickens.

I FINALLY got to go get groceries over the weekend! The old Ogre had to go into that town for a few things and said I could go with him, if I split the gas, of course. The last puppy is spoken for, waiting for pick-up in a few days, it was a very, unseasonably warm, sunny day, and the little fella (puppy) is finally big enough I could leave for the day. I spent ALL of the food funds I had left on the card and hopefully it got me enough groceries for a month or so. I REALLY stretched it out as far as I could.  I am so happy to finally have some fresh fruits and veggies!!!  The day wasn't without its stresses, which I hope to get posted in a near future post, but it is done and over with, it could have been worse, and I have a stock of groceries and basic supplies. Still need a handful of things, but I have the bulk of what I needed. I just didn't realize how weak I had gotten from being sick and after the first store or two, I was really pushing to get the rest of my list, but I wasn't coming back without it all. On the way home, we went through a lot of brush fire smoke, which followed us home and kind of settled down in this valley, which set my respiratory infection back a bit, but I am once again, improving today.

I caught him in so many lies over the weekend, in just everyday, random chit chat.  It was lies that were so stupid, entire concocted "stories" even. Why would he do that? It is a narcissistic thing. They feel that if they know the truth and the person they are talking to doesn't, then they hold the control ... they get a control fix from it. Grrrr...... I just  kept listening quietly and wondering how much of the chit chat the past 5 plus years was all lies just like these over the weekend. Really kills my trust in anyone, anymore.

I better go for now. It has already been a long morning, I need to cover stuff up before the rain gets here, and he will be back 'home' any time. Thank you so much for stopping in and being supportive. I will try my best to get some more posts in this week. I have made so many eye-opening discoveries lately, and I want to get them documented.

Have a great day, all!

Signed - Betty Sue

Friday, February 10, 2017

A Clutch of Eggs

I found a clutch of eggs yesterday evening.  The chickens hadn't been laying much over the past month or so, so eggs have had to be somewhat rationed, used sparingly.  I need more ducks, they kept laying. :)  Anyway, the chickens are free ranging during the day, so finding eggs is like an Easter Egg hunt everyday.  Even we grown-ups get really excited when we find one!

Just before I found the clutch, we had about a dozen and a half eggs on hand.  The half dozen or so  had been aged a bit to be boiled for quick snacks and salads (they peel easier if they have aged a bit before boiling), so this left only a dozen eggs for the two of us to eat on.  They are starting to lay again, but we have been getting only one here and there.  The eggs are becoming my main protein because I haven't been to a grocery store in over a month, and T L Ogre eats bunches of them, so we use a lot when we have them.

I told T L Ogre about the baker's dozen eggs I had found and showed them to him (he asked where I found them). He went and looked at them and instantly exclaimed, bright eyed and excited, "Good! My sister is really needing some eggs! She will be glad to get some." I must have made a disapproving face, because he stopped, mouth dropped, then stuttered and stammered, "Well, I know we need some, too.  It is always good to have a few on hand . . . . " I just said, "Uh, yeah." and walked away.

I don't mind sharing with his sister, when we have it to spare, but his obsession with making sure she has everything first, and the best, has gotten beyond old!  I tried to be patient with it all at first, she is handicapped, but his desire to fall all over her, to make sure all of her needs are completely met before anyone else's, even though there are other people living in her house (one a young male adult), has gone far beyond 'normal'. I can now see why other 'wives' were bothered by his time and attentions with her, and why snide remarks about their 'relationship', are often made. It gets to be very strange, on his end.  From my end, she appears to be the only woman he really and truly cares about (setting aside his daughter, of course).

Right now, as I write this post, I am thoroughly enjoying my 3-egg mushroom and cheese omelet that I cooked from the eggs I found, laid by my chickens, cooked on top of that old kerosene hater.  Mmmmmmm, so good!

Thanks for stopping in and have a great day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Food Stamp Saga - Part 7

During all of the Ogre's process at the Food Stamp office, another worker called me to her window.  She asked what I needed.  I told her but she said that since funds were already on the card, I couldn't apply for myself until the last day of the month. So, no money to my name and only $23 spent on groceries for the month. (yep, good thing I am a stocker upper when I find bargains!)

What made my heart fall the most was, I didn't get that chance to talk to a worker in person.  The stocked up food will hold out for awhile, but I wanted to seize the opportunity.  I was able to slip the worker a small slip of paper with the web address to this blog on it.  I sat back down to wait on David, but, as I said, he had just finished, also, and proudly strutted out to the truck.  At first, I thought he had gone out to get something he forgot or needed, but then saw that he was sitting in the truck so I went on out.

He looked puzzled, put his phone down and asked, "Finished already?"  I told him what she had told me.  He said, "Well, I guess we will split what is on the card, then."  He also had a bag of chips in the truck (which he offered me some of) that were from a store we had not been to and he never mentioned he was stopping at, so that was more groceries - munchies - he purchased above that "limit" he had given me, because I had already seen him purchase his limit, as well,  yet my share was only going to be half of what remained on the card. His share did not include all the munchies he has been purchasing, nor anything that he has purchased for his sister. He still took half of what was left on the card.  So greedy!

He mentioned about three other stops he had to make and asked if I needed to stop anywhere else.  I said no, not specifically, but if I could use the card, I wanted to get a few grocery items at Walmart when he made his stop there. (He now approves when I can and can't have the food card. He uses it whenever he pleases.)  When I asked for the card for Walmart, he got hatefully sarcastic, "I guess you can!  I can't get anything right now! I can't get anything until I can find a place to store it! I don't have anywhere to put anything!"  (Most of our food is stored in totes outside or covered over with tarps.   He has 45 acres and a house that is crumbling. He could find somewhere to store his food!  He had just recently, adamantly, tried to get me to move our food from outside, back into the heavily rodent infested old house before it all freezes.  He said the rodents would destroy less than a freeze (that didn't make sense and was opposite to him wanting it all outside in totes and tubs away from the rodents, and with no heat in the house, it freezes in there, too.  The food is mostly all outside because he had said to put it there and often got angry because I wasn't gettting the stored food outside fast enough, away from the rodents. I needed more weatherproof totes! Actually, I needed him to quit being lazy and us get going on the food storage building we had planned to have built by now)  Such manipulation and balance tilting!

Since I have lived here, the rodents in that house have destroyed hundreds of pounds of food, yet he had just recently raged at me to put all of our food back in that nasty old house.  He's crazy! He just can't make up his mind!  So, he insists I put our food supply back in with the rodents (I refused), grocery money is unaccounted for, he gave me a tiny spending limit, I find multiple signs that he is purchasing and eating his food when he is away from home and out 'running errands', it sounds like he tried to keep me from knowing the money on the card this month stuck, and HE refused to put HIS food in that rodent infested house! Sounds to me like he intended to not only starve my animals, but me as well!  Manipulation at its finest!  It's that "greedy little first grader pitching a fit because HE wanted the biggest "cookie"" type thing.

If you set aside the danger and frustration, he is hilarious!

Part 8 coming up shortly.  Thanks for stopping in and have a very good day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Thursday, February 9, 2017

A Strange Morning Visit

This wasn't what I had planned to write today, but this morning's occurrence bothered me so much that I decided to write it out now. It will be a bit long, so what I had planned to write today will have to wait for another day.

I didn't get much sleep last night. Although I am steadily making small improvements, I am still real sick and still have no voice. Actually, I am finally up to Bull Frog status today. 😊 I was up and around a little more yesterday, then had the extra work of bedding down critters better for a 20 degree freeze. (I will be so glad when I can get out of here and set them all up properly.)

I was beyond extra tired by late evening and my hand was more numb and painful from the cold and extra work, so I went on to bed earlier than usual. I may as well have stayed up and done some reading or writing!

That poor old kerosene heater, if it makes it through to the end of this Winter, it will be a blessing! It just would not cut the cold last night.  Some nights it sweats us out of here and I have to get up and turn it off for awhile.  Not last night.  It got really cold in here.  With the added body heat of most of the dogs, I did keep it above freezing in the tent, but it was hard to sleep for shivering.  I let the dogs snuggle for some extra warmth, both mine and theirs, but they would either snuggle too tightly or steal my blankets, both of which kept waking me up.

I am drinking a lot of extra fluids to try to shake this bug, so of course, every time I finally got settled in good and just drifted off to sleep, Nature said it was time to get up and go tinkle! This led to the dogs stealing my "warm spot," so I had to coax them all off of "my place" and start the process all over again. I love my dogs, and I am so glad I have them to protect me and keep me warm, but they are sooooo going to get their own house and bed and me mine when I move!  They do have their own bed, they just think they need to keep me warm and safe, instead.

So, daylight comes and I finally drift off into a warm, deep slumber.  All the dogs were finally settled in and sleeping hard, too. I was having nightmares, but I was finally sleeping. All of a sudden, I sensed something and woke up.  At the same time, Big Dog lifted his head up and started low growling.  T L Ogre was in the tent and quietly standing at the end of the bed about a foot away from my feet! 

Still laying down, I tried to shake the sleepy off and and in my froggy voice, over dog growls, asked what was going on.   He said (more of a mumble) he had hollered at me to see if I was ready to feed the dogs, yet, but I didn't answer so he came in to check on me. (I am learning that when he mumbles, his isn't quite telling me the truth.)  Something in all of that isn't right.   I am usually up by the time he finishes his morning chores and he hollers at the fence to say he is ready to go feed my dog I still can't get to, so I get the food out and ready for all the dogs, then he goes and feeds Old Dog while I feed the rest.  I was tired and he was an hour earlier than usual because besides work, he had errands in town again, also. But this still didn't make sense.  Not only did I not hear him, but neither did any of the six Boxers in the tent, nor the two behind the tent!   None of them knew he was there until I stirred, which woke them up.  When he stands at the fence and hollers to ask if I am up and ready to feed dogs, a few of the dogs (not the lazy one, lol) usually run out to greet him, excited it is feeding time, and Old Dog in the back pen really barks excitedly in anticipation of some food and human contact, but that didn't happen this time.  NOT ONE DOG heard him supposedly call to me at the fence!

The gate is also noisy.  I can't open it without at least a little rattle, and, again, the dogs always hear it.  Then he had to get through the layers of fabric of our "curtain" door on the tent to come inside the tent.  That fabric makes a bit of a rustle, yet the dogs didn't hear that, either.  It sure was a creepy feeling waking up from a sound sleep to see him staring down at me.

Most of the dogs just looked at him puzzled, but, as I said, Big Dog started growling and barring teeth.  Momma (me) was sick, laying down, asleep, and that monster wasn't coming near her!  Other male dog (Big Dog's son) started to growl, too.  After a couple of "shhhh" from me, he stopped and just stayed tense and ready.  Not Big Dog, though. His growl increased.  He has watched the Ogre hit me, hurt me, rage at me, up and close, over and over, not to mention attack and hurt him, too, and he did not want a surprise visit from that monster! I think he felt the same weirdness to the situation I was feeling.

T L Ogre was becoming irate that the dog was snarling and growling at him.  He started to raise his voice to criticize the dog and say how dangerous the dog was.  The dog growled harder and made a lunge at the now irritated Ogre. I made a grab for the dog's collar (gotta get new, stronger, collars the second I can get to a store) and I had to hang on to him tight while the Ogre yelled about the snarling dog and explained he was about ready to feed dogs and had to leave earlier today.  He also, though, sympathetically said, "I'm sorry you didn't get any sleep. That stinks.", then shot dagger filled glares at the growling dog before he left the tent, making the dog lunge again.  He mumbled something about how that dangerous dog needed to be in better control.

T L Ogre went and did his last chore while I got up and got the dogs' food ready.  By then, I was completely up, the dogs were ready to eat, we were back in routine form, and although cautious, the dogs were all tail wagging okay with the old Ogre being in their yard.

I do not believe for a minute that T L Ogre yelled at the fence, "as usual" to see if I was ready to feed the dogs.  He also knew better than to sneak up on the Big Dog.  I think he was practicing one of his "stealth moves" and he is also still setting me up for yet another "event" to attempt to prove to someone" that my dogs are too dangerous to exist.  He hates them because they protect me from him. He can't abuse me like he wants to, physically, verbally, mentally, because the dogs won't allow it,  because they protect me from him.  I won't let him kill them, so I think he is still working on setting up an alternative.

UPDATE:  Since all of this morning's events occurred.... since I started writing this post, it has come to my attention that, before T L Ogre left for town, before the surprise visit in my tent, he had searched around for a "local to f--k today" before he went in to town to run his "errands."  I thought it was kind of strange that he was doing an extra day of errands this week, and that he was short of money when he has cut me off of everything and should have extra money.  I literally feel like puking, except that I spent a good part of the morning with dry heaves, already, so I am trying hard not to. As I said, his searching for a piece of trash to stick it in happened just BEFORE he came into my tent this morning. Now I am creeped out more than ever by this. Not sure I even want to know what it all means.

Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue
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