Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Babbling, Booze and Rants

T L Ogre was being a major azz last night and this morning, especially this morning. I haven't checked his booze bottles the last few days, but I am guessing he has run out, again. Today is his payday and he nearly always runs out a day or two just before his pay day, which makes him a bitter, angry, violent, grumpy monster until he can get to town to get his money and get another bottle. PATHETIC!

The last 24 hours he has been filled with hate and growing. Everything that comes out of his mouth is sarcasm and hate. Everything he sees, everything he hears, everything you say to him no matter how pleasant you try to be, reminds him of something he hates, sending him into an extremely hate filled, bitter, long-winded, raging rant. He has ranted about how everything under the sun from our government, to how much he hates pets, to how crazy, mean and hateful his youngest sister is, to what an idiot with serious issues his brother is (Yea, gotta take brother down because brother buried one of his kids this week and was getting too much attention. No, T L Ogre didn't even go to the funeral. He came up with every excuse he could. Said he brother wouldn't even want him there - I don't believe that one - said he couldn't take off of work - he reworks his schedule for everything else, including recently spending half a day going with me to pick up my pick-up - just excuses), to jerking my oldest dog around by the chain and screaming at him to get out of his dog house and eat his food in the rain. (I have always fed him in his house when it rains, but I still can't get to him. In fact, the Ogre has put up another fence, now, and I can't even get to where I can stick my hand through the fence to at least pet his muzzle and give him a treat. I love my dog and this is killing me!), to pinning me into a corner and keeping me from getting things done that I need to do by ranting and raging at me about everything he can think of that he hates (some being subtle digs at me slipped in while ranting about other people). You don't just get up and walk away, either, or something will get hurt as a punishment a little later.

You don't dare let him see you happy about anything, either, when he is in this (I am angry at the world because I need some alcohol and I hate that I need alcohol because it controls me and nothing controls me) moods because if he isn't happy, NO ONE should dare be happy! If you are happy and he is not, you have to be punished. How dare someone be happy and upbeat when he isn't!

So, that is the kind of day I have been having, tense, knot in my stomach, afraid of doing the wrong thing to set him off no matter how hard I try to do exactly what will keep him calm. He is at work, now, and should be heading from there, soon, to pick up his pay and go run his errands.  I can't believe I am saying this, but I hope he gets a  new bottle while he is in town so that when he goes to bed tonight, he can nurse on it a bit and be a bit calmer by morning. He will escalate this evening, until the day is done and he can get that alone time with his 'best friend'. Some of that escalating will be from withdrawing from going a couple of days without booze, and some of it will be from just knowing that he has a new bottle and is in high anxiety because he can't get the day done and get to that bottle fast enough.  I will need to side step him as much as possible and attempt to keep all the critters as calm as possible. But then his reaction to that will probably be like it was this morning when he started screaming at me that they were "spoiled" and spoiling animals didn't happen on his place (like letting an old dog with tumors eat inside of his dog house instead of outside in the rain).

The ornery person inside of me wants so badly to sneak into his tent when he isn't looking and
slip a livestock baby bottle nipple over the top of his booze bottle. (hee, hee, hee)  Probably not the thing to do right now. Maybe just before I leave with my final and absolute last load. Oh, well, it was just a passing funny thought to lighten my stress at the moment. Gotta keep your humor to keep your wits in times like this.

Thanks for stopping in and listening to my babble. Have a blessed day!

Signed - Betty Sue

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