It is a very sad and scary thing to watch someone that is addicted to alcohol. I am not talking your basic, average alcoholic. I am talking hardcore, mentally and physically addicted to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that T L Ogre is just that, firmly addicted to alcohol. Even his body appears to get very sick, now, if he has to go a few days without any alcohol.
In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol. In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.
As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.
All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place. He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.
A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.
I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker. I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability." His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?
Stay tuned for Part 2 of "Alcohol Withdrawals?"
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!
Signed - Betty Sue
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