Oh, My! A Scammer!?!

A few months ago, an odd thought crossed my mind. "Is T L Ogre a scammer? Is this obvious take-down cycle he has with women, also some kind of a scam? I mean, he has had so many wives and live-ins combined that I have lost count. He still has belongings here (trinkets, maybe?) from many of them. He even remembers what belongs to whom and likes to point it out. Really? Did I really want to know that a lot of the daily use items around here belonged to former lovers!? Even the dish soap had belonged to the last one (and we had been together about 5 years at that point).

He had a bottle of dish soap that he was using on when I got here. (sort of - dishes obviously hadn't been done since his daughter moved out - ewww!) When that bottle ran out, he pulled a bottle out from under the sink, handed it to me to use, making a point to tell me that it had belonged to his last one. That was over five years before! He had put it away when she left, got new dish soap to use, and saved that one for his next woman to use! As I continued to attempt to clean up the sink area, I found some soap in a glass jar and asked about it. It was the all natural dish soap I had made him two years prior! Geez! Who was he saving that one for?! He had whined back then about being out of dish soap and said he was too broke to get any, so I made him some out of a good soap base I had. All that time he still had the bottle of soap from his last ex. Then he did buy soap and saved mine, too. Grrrr..... Yep. It's gone. I used mine up, myself.

Okay, so I have really strayed off topic, sort of. I don't know about the other women that have been through here, but he has gotten me to spend countless hours in hard labor since I have been here, trimming up his trees and clearing large areas of his property. He would say he would build me this or that if I got it cleared, then .... nothing. He did that with section after section until I had large areas cleared and trimmed all over. Also, he insisted I work around here instead of going to work, said it would benefit us more if I stayed home and worked around the farm. I bandaged blisters, pushed through arthritis pain, migraines, etc., and got it done. The goats got fed well with all the cuttings, but the promises of what "we" would do with the cleared areas never came to light. He obviously just wanted all that cleared for his own use - cheap labor with benefits. How many women has he done this to? With so many of their belongings still here, I have to wonder, does he get women here and push them to marry him so that he is then joint owner of their belongings, but the land remains in his name? We had discussed wedding plans originally, in depth, then he eventually blew it off every time I tried to talk about it. A couple of months before our "official" break up, he pushed me hard to just go to the court house and officially tie the knot. He didn't want any kind of wedding nor anyone there with us. I know now that at that point, he had already planned breaking it off with me. Never mind that I had broken it off a couple of months before. This didn't make sense, unless it was part of his scam.

Looking back over his pattern with past women, plus seeing all the things still here from them, it make one start to wonder. The two wives that he still complains the most about leaving were the two that planned their "escape" in advance and had everything packed up and gone before he got home from work. They got away with all that they wanted. One was on a plane headed back for her country before he knew she was leaving! That really shocked him because of how hard it was to get her and her belongings here.

The thought that he may be pulling a scam had crossed my mind. It would appear that way, but I had dismissed it because, verbally, he was being very generous in all that he said I could take in our "division of property".  He even offered to help move the big stuff with is truck and trailer. For the most part, dividing property seemed to be going well (except for the chickens and potatoes). THEN IT HIT!  Wednesday morning, while in his extreme rage, he firmly declared that I no longer own anything! He said that my belongings had been here on his property for more than 30 days, so I no longer own ANYTHING! Nothing left to my name. EVERYTHING I moved here (and that is a lot) IS NOW HIS! This includes family heirlooms from several generations. He said it is now up to him as to what he keeps, what he destroys, what he sells, and what, if any, he might decide to "let" me take. SCAM!  He hatefully insisted that I couldn't prove that any of my belongings were mine. He repeated that several times to drill it in. "You can't prove any of it is or was yours and you can't do anything about it!" he growled through clenched teeth in the most sarcastic, hate-filled tone he could muster.

SCAMMER!!! UGH!!! 

Just how  much of past wives/live-ins' belongings aren't still here because he sold them off? How many of his past ex's succumbed in fear for their life and left it all to get out safely due to the death threats and physical violence?  I want to know! This scammer has to be stopped!

Once again, I apologize for any typos. I will proof read it when I get more Internet time.
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed, Betty Sue

Babbling, Booze and Rants

T L Ogre was being a major azz last night and this morning, especially this morning. I haven't checked his booze bottles the last few days, but I am guessing he has run out, again. Today is his payday and he nearly always runs out a day or two just before his pay day, which makes him a bitter, angry, violent, grumpy monster until he can get to town to get his money and get another bottle. PATHETIC!

The last 24 hours he has been filled with hate and growing. Everything that comes out of his mouth is sarcasm and hate. Everything he sees, everything he hears, everything you say to him no matter how pleasant you try to be, reminds him of something he hates, sending him into an extremely hate filled, bitter, long-winded, raging rant. He has ranted about how everything under the sun from our government, to how much he hates pets, to how crazy, mean and hateful his youngest sister is, to what an idiot with serious issues his brother is (Yea, gotta take brother down because brother buried one of his kids this week and was getting too much attention. No, T L Ogre didn't even go to the funeral. He came up with every excuse he could. Said he brother wouldn't even want him there - I don't believe that one - said he couldn't take off of work - he reworks his schedule for everything else, including recently spending half a day going with me to pick up my pick-up - just excuses), to jerking my oldest dog around by the chain and screaming at him to get out of his dog house and eat his food in the rain. (I have always fed him in his house when it rains, but I still can't get to him. In fact, the Ogre has put up another fence, now, and I can't even get to where I can stick my hand through the fence to at least pet his muzzle and give him a treat. I love my dog and this is killing me!), to pinning me into a corner and keeping me from getting things done that I need to do by ranting and raging at me about everything he can think of that he hates (some being subtle digs at me slipped in while ranting about other people). You don't just get up and walk away, either, or something will get hurt as a punishment a little later.

You don't dare let him see you happy about anything, either, when he is in this (I am angry at the world because I need some alcohol and I hate that I need alcohol because it controls me and nothing controls me) moods because if he isn't happy, NO ONE should dare be happy! If you are happy and he is not, you have to be punished. How dare someone be happy and upbeat when he isn't!

So, that is the kind of day I have been having, tense, knot in my stomach, afraid of doing the wrong thing to set him off no matter how hard I try to do exactly what will keep him calm. He is at work, now, and should be heading from there, soon, to pick up his pay and go run his errands.  I can't believe I am saying this, but I hope he gets a  new bottle while he is in town so that when he goes to bed tonight, he can nurse on it a bit and be a bit calmer by morning. He will escalate this evening, until the day is done and he can get that alone time with his 'best friend'. Some of that escalating will be from withdrawing from going a couple of days without booze, and some of it will be from just knowing that he has a new bottle and is in high anxiety because he can't get the day done and get to that bottle fast enough.  I will need to side step him as much as possible and attempt to keep all the critters as calm as possible. But then his reaction to that will probably be like it was this morning when he started screaming at me that they were "spoiled" and spoiling animals didn't happen on his place (like letting an old dog with tumors eat inside of his dog house instead of outside in the rain).

The ornery person inside of me wants so badly to sneak into his tent when he isn't looking and
slip a livestock baby bottle nipple over the top of his booze bottle. (hee, hee, hee)  Probably not the thing to do right now. Maybe just before I leave with my final and absolute last load. Oh, well, it was just a passing funny thought to lighten my stress at the moment. Gotta keep your humor to keep your wits in times like this.

Thanks for stopping in and listening to my babble. Have a blessed day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Alcohol Withdrawals - Part 3

T L Ogre's body seems to "need" much more booze than he is getting right now. He gets a bottle a week, then attempts to ration it out so that it lasts the entire week. So far, he has only made that goal once in recent weeks. For awhile, he still had some scotch that he made up the difference with, but that, too, is now gone, as far as I know. He does still have one, super special OLD bottle of scotch, but he saves that for super extra special occasions.

He gets his 'bottle' on Wednesday afternoon. Wednesdays are his paydays and he goes in to town after he gets off of work to run his errands and get his bottle. This week, once again, he ran out of booze before his payday. He drank his last big glass on Monday night. (he drinks alone in his tent at the days' end) This meant that he didn't get any booze on Tuesday night, like his body and mind were used to. Wednesday morning T L Ogre got up on edge and a bit grumpy. He got up and did his morning chores, then I got up and we got the dogs fed. He was very cross, on edge, and obviously in high anxiety mode. I tried to say as little as possible, get the dogs fed as quickly as possible, then steer clear of him until he left for work at his sister's house.

When he got back from work and errands, to say he was in high anxiety mode and alcohol withdrawals didn't even begin to cover it! He was filled with hate and rage. I was trying to stay clear of him, but our paths kept crossing as we went about evening chores. Plus, he can't break from that 'wanting to discuss how the day went' mode. He doesn't want to be together, but he does want to be together (NOT ME!) He wants me gone but he doesn't want me gone. (I WANT TO BE GONE!) No matter what I answered, everything I said was wrong and sent him into a raging, hate filled long lecture. I tried to lighten the mood with positive talk, but no matter what I said, it reminded him of something he hated and the ranting, raging, hate filled, demeaning lecture was on! I had to just sit there, still as I could, until he finished. (sometimes he had me pinned into a corner, standing over me as he raged)  When he is in these modes, you don't dare get up and walk away or the consequences will be much worse. 

This all killed my evening time, badly, too. His raging withdrawals took up so much time, it forced me to end up getting my chores and evening work done well on late into the night. It was such a relief when he finally called it a day and went to bed for the night! I was able to finally complete my day in peace.

The next morning he was much calmer and, although still an azz, back to his 'on the surface' normal. His booze had had time to kick in through the night and his body got the 'fix' and relief it was needing. Wow, how sad and pathetic!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

What is That Ogre Thinking?!?!?

I do believe that T L Ogre is the best I have ever seen for putting up front a likable, dare is say, normal,  persona, while deep down inside, inside where his real personality resides, is the most twisted, dangerous, meanest, perverted, farthest from normal person anyone could imagine.

The longer I am here, the more I keep discovering that shows just how sick, twisted, scary and dangerous he is. I am just almost to the point that I don't want to know any more, but I feel that I need to know to help warn any future victims.

Yesterday's finding was an eye-popper. I recently learned that he has joined some group/website called PragerU. Some of the "courses" I have seen that he was watched on there tend to raise the eyebrows, but yesterday's was an eye brow raising, mouth dropping, eye popping discovery!

The name of the course (video) he watched yesterday was called: "If There is no God, Murder Isn't Wrong" . . . . . . .upon more digging, I learned that he has watched/read this before. He seems to have really zoned in on this one.
https://www.prageru.com/courses/religionphilosophy/if-there-is-no-god-murder-isnt-wrong

I honestly can't say from which end of thinking he has zoned in on this topic, but the fact is, he HAS zoned in on it. Adding this in with an incident in his past, this becomes ultra scary to me. I can't elaborate further at the moment, though.

Where is this man's mind?! What is he thinking?! What is he pondering?!
Come on Property Closing!!! Hurry up!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Property Closing Date is Approaching!

I am getting anxious and excited this week. I am quickly approaching that set closing date at the end of this week. It is; however, looking like we could be going into the extension time grace period, though, and it may be a little longer. As long as I can get closed, soon, I am okay with that. I do still have a lot of prep work to do before I can start moving things. At last update with the realtor, everything was going along well. It is just taking awhile with the abstracting.

I dread the moving part. I still have no idea how I am going to get it all moved, both physically and financially. When I start to look around me at the mind boggling amount I have to move, and how much of it is heavy, it seems so overwhelming and impossible. But then I keep telling myself that it looked impossible (and pessimistic friends and family even firmly told me so) to get a piece of property instead of giving up everything and just running to a women's shelter, yet I was determined, I kept at it, and acquiring that piece of property is about to happen! Then there was the pick-up search. Again, family and friends insisted that it was impossible to find something to fill my specs for the price I set. It was a long, hard search, but again, I was determined and amazingly, it is now in the driveway.

I am trying to focus harder on the baby steps and not the whole picture, because the whole picture of getting moved is so overwhelming. I am still heart broken that I lost so much in the move a little over a year ago, that all of my belongings didn't get moved, then, and I wonder how I can expect it to all to get moved now, if it didn't all get moved then.... but I also now know that back then, unknown to me then, there was something working against me getting all of my stuff moved, something (someone) that I never dreamed would have done such a thing, someone I trusted, that turned out adamantly did NOT want me to move all of my stuff. Someday I will tell that story, but not right now. Right now I need to focus on this move and surviving the rages and stupid stunts until I do get it moved.

I am sooo looking forward to the starting over on my own part! I am looking forward to having a little freedom again and being able to do some things my way without getting punished for it.  I am still sad that life the way I thought it was going to be here, a life that I had looked forward to, was just all talk on the Ogre's end and was never going to be a reality, that it was just all a con, that I fell for, to get me here.... that all those years I could have been doing all of that on my own are gone, but I have to stay focused on the positive, that I have gained a wealth of knowledge, stuff you just don't find in text books, and although most days I don't feel strong at all, I know that I have gained a lot of strength and even more determination through all of this.

So, please say a wish and a prayer that the closing on my new property happens very soon so that I can get over there to start clearing some of the land so I can start moving. Thank you!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe day....

Signed - Betty Sue

Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 1

It is a very sad and scary thing to watch someone that is addicted to alcohol. I am not talking your basic, average alcoholic. I am talking hardcore, mentally and physically addicted to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that T L Ogre is just that, firmly addicted to alcohol. Even his body appears to get very sick, now, if he has to go a few days without any alcohol.

In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol.  In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.

As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.

All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place.  He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.

A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.

I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker.  I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability."  His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?

Stay tuned for Part 2 of  "Alcohol Withdrawals?"

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!

Signed - Betty Sue

T L Ogre Moved His Bottle Pile

The Ogre's building wine bottle pile was by his tent. He seemed to keep only one really visible at a time, the others tucked in between his food totes. All the low flying planes and choppers really make him nervous and paranoid so I imagine he was worried someone from overhead might see them. He keeps the hard stuff inside the old house, mostly Scotch. Most of it is all drank up, now, too, but the pile of those empties he keeps in his old bedroom of the crumbling old house.

After his pile by the tent began to build a bit, he moved those new empty bottles to back behind the chicken shed with the rest of his big pile of dusty empties from past drinking days. A new pile is now forming by the tent. He went through a couple of extra bottles when he got his tax return, so there is, once again, a 3 bottle pile, and growing, next to his tent, and a new bottle started inside. Oddly enough, it looks like he only had one big glass last night.  Yet somehow, that one glass made him over sleep. He seems to have been pretty sick lately from having gone several days without any booze until he got paid yesterday and got a new bottle, so maybe that one big glass gave him what he "needed" for now and his body relaxed and he finally slept. Good thing because after a few days of no booze, his agitation was really beginning to build again. It really is a sad situation. Much as I don't like what I have gotten into, I would much rather be in my shoes than his, for sure.

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Three Month Hand Update

It has been three months, now, since T L Ogre whacked my hand with the big fire log. (It was 3 months on Feb 20th)  I seem to have hit a plateau in my hand's healing.  My hand made some very small improvements, initially, but over the past month, there has been little to no improvement at all. I still have a lot of pain in it, still a lot of numbness and tingling, and there is still some swelling. Most of the pain and swelling is concentrated right where my middle and ring fingers attach to my palm.  I have no doubt that it was broken there, and isn't healing properly.

I am so frustrated with how many daily tasks I am having problems doing, many I can't do at all, from that big ole Ogre whacking my hand. Even just simply drying my hands off with a towel hurts, hurts a lot. I have to just carefully blot dry that hand. Opening jars is almost impossible. Just a couple of minutes of typing sends that hand to throbbing to the point of near tears. Countless times throughout the day, when I put any pressure on my fingers on that hand, or even the palm, my hand spasms and my fingers draw up. This stinks! Will it ever heal?

I am having to learn to use my wrist and my elbow a lot, in place of my hand. That does not work nearly as well as a hand, but I have to do something to keep going as much as I can. Knitting and crocheting are slow, difficult and very painful, some days my hand draws up so bad it just isn't possible at all. Even simple tasks such as turning a door knob or opening a car door are difficult to nearly impossible. Performing any kind of activity that requires any pressure on that hand just doesn't work. Holding my little flashlight at night with that hand is extra difficult. After a few seconds of grasping a flashlight, my hand either draws up or releases what I am holding. Part of my daily routines requires me to hold a flashlight with one hand, while performing a chore/task with the other hand. This is now not an option. My daily chores and tasks have become so much more challenging and difficult.

It feels like there is a rock in the middle of my palm, where my fingers attach on the palm side. I have no idea what that could be but, as I said, that is where the majority of the pain is centered, along with the swelling. Heat is very soothing to my hand, especially when applied to the part that feels like a rock. But anything cold, even just the air being cold, hurts like heck!  I need to find somewhere and have it checked, now. The puppies are all rehomed so I don't have to worry about leaving them, and at the moment, he is in an "up" or more level mood for the most part, so it is now time to find a way to get somewhere, and where to go, to get my hand checked out while I am in the moment.

I had a little accident a few nights ago that was very telling with this hand. It told me that my hand is still worse than I realized. I had made a pot of coffee on top of the kerosene heater in the tent. The coffee was at a medium rolling boil and had been for awhile. Keep in mind that the connector to attach the lid to the pot is broken, so the lid just loosely sets on the pot. Also remember that my right hand had been badly injured years ago and sometimes isn't real sturdy.

I picked up the pot of boiling coffee with my right hand and started to pour it into my coffee cup, held with my left hand. My right hand unexpectedly wobbled hard, the lid went flying and coffee started to splash. In my efforts to regain control of the boiling hot coffee, I managed to pour the boiling hot coffee in the pot all over the back of my left hand that was holding the coffee cup (the hand the Ogre whacked). The most shocking and scary part of all of that was.... it didn't hurt!

There I stand, totally confused because the coffee was at a rolling boil when I started to pour it into the cup, I instead poured it all over my hand (about 2 coffee cups worth or more), my hand was beat red, but I only felt a slight warmth and no pain! I kept thinking, that should have hurt. Wasn't that coffee hot? I grabbed a bottle of cool water next to me and poured over my hand because I knew it should have hurt. It was red, obviously scalded, but didn't feel hot nor burned, so common sense told me that it needed to be cooled off. I stood there puzzled, then decided to take a sip of the coffee that had made it into the cup to see if it was, indeed, hot. At this point, the coffee in the cup had had a minute or two to cool. Yep, it was hot! I burnt the end of my tongue and a corner of my lip on that sip. My tongue still hurt and had a small blister on it even the next day. So.... my hand should have felt that boiling coffee that heavily poured over the entire back of my hand. This is not good.

My hand didn't blister, but it was very red all the next day. Hopefully pouring cool water over it immediately heedlp keep that from happening, but the next day, and still today, if I run my other hand over the back of the injured hand, I can slightly feel on the surface some pain from the boiling coffee. Yep, time to start looking for a medical place that will check my hand out without me having any insurance or money, and tell me what is wrong with it. I need to know before I start putting the extra stress of packing and moving onto it and see if there is anything I can be doing that will make it heal further. Please help me pray that my hand is not permanently damaged, that it will have a full recovery, and some positive, healing thoughts would be great, also. Thank you!

Thank you, also, for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Food Stamp Saga - part 8

preface - I apologize if this sounds too wordy or jumbled. I had countless interruptions as I was writing this post.
-    -    -    -    -    -    -    -    -

I got the food card and went in to Walmart. This post picks up from the last post on the January 2nd outing after we had left the food stamp office.  I only wanted to get a few basic items at that point because I wanted to make my biggest grocery purchase at discount and closeout stores in the next town.  I spent approximately $10 in Walmart for a total of about $33 of groceries up to that point for the month.  We were supposed to go discount grocery store shopping in a  few days, so I didn't get any more than that.

Forty days later, I still had not gotten to get any more groceries! If I could go, he had an excuse that he couldn't. A large part of that time, though, I could not leave because I had puppies to watch.  It was cold and I had to stay close to keep the momma dogs and other dogs from accidentally smashing the puppies in their effort of trying too hard to snuggle close to keep them warm.  We had the puppies because T L Ogre put the dogs together, then bailed on us all, but that story will be for another post series.

So over the next 40 days, I lived on the "stock up for emergency" foods I had tucked away.  Oh was I ever glad I had gone food dehydrator happy last Summer and Fall!

Of course, T L Ogre had to periodically brag about how good some of the things he was buying and eating were during the time I was getting really burned out on stale, out-dated, old tasting foods. (But I was truly glad I had them on hand) He did offer to share some bread or fruit a couple of times.   I did not like the feeling that gave me so I took a piece of fruit once and that was it.  His tone, body language and expressions all felt like he felt sorry for me and was giving me a hand out.  Something in that just wasn't right.

A couple of times a couple of my elderly relatives made the long drive out here and brought me a "care" box with a little fresh food and basic essentials.  I appreciated that more than I could ever express!

I could get T L Ogre to pick up pet supplies for me (my cost) because he finally understood that I would call animal welfare if he didn't, but not groceries.  He might have picked up an occasional item in town, locally, if I begged hard enough, but it would have cost more than where I usually shop.  I needed to stretch what I had left on that card, out as far as I could!  There were signs all throughout that long stretch that he had been to the next town over and he had been to those stores, but he never let me know he was going so he could pick something up for me.

So, I lived forty days without going to a grocery store, only got a few grocery items at the beginning of that stretch, and it had been about a month, also, prior to that  that I had not been to a store and he had only picked up a few dollar's worth of groceries (for us) during that time. I didn't like it, but it sure was an excellent test of how well I am doing with my emergency food prep skills and what I need to work on more.

Last Saturday, I finally got to go grocery shopping and use up all the funds I had left on that food card!  It was a beautiful, unseasonably warm day, only one puppy is left and big enough I could leave for the day.  T L Ogre needed to go over to that town for a few items, also, and said I could go if I helped with the gas.  I had to stifle a laugh.  He didn't  have enough gas money to go on his own!  I was still very sick and after the first two stores, realized I was still much weaker than I thought, but I pushed and got my shopping done!  And no, he would not help me load my groceries into the truck, either.  He just sat in the cab complaining that his foot hurt and he didn't have any money to get anything.

I also had to unload all of my groceries back at 'home' by myself.  My hand and knee were in agony, but I finally got it all unloaded and tucked away in storage totes.  I think I am enjoying my big box of fresh fruits and vegetables, best!  I was sooo salad hungry.  I was so thankful to have my tucked away stock of dehydrated veggies, but you just can't beat that fresh produce!

Throughout that day, as we drove around from store to store and on the trip home, he made mention of several times he had been, himself, and purchased this and that at the various stores.  I said,
I didn't know you had come and gotten groceries here." He replied, "It was when you had to watch the puppies and couldn't come." Ugh! I knew he had, I had found the signs of it, but now he had to rub it in. He had the food card with him, he had my funds on it, too, he came to the stores I needed to go to for groceries, but NEVER, during that 40 day period, did he tell me he was and ask what I needed picked up! What an azz! I could have given him at least a short list each of items those times so that I didn't have to pick mold off of my bread and cheese and all. He knew that I was having to do that, too.  He had to offer me some of his bread, instead, during that time so he appeared like he was doing something nice and sympathetically wonderful for me. Grrr.....

I really stretched the dollar out as far as I could, but I will need to still be thrifty and make it last as long as I can, as I am still at "$0" income and no longer have food stamps.  About two days before the day they told me to come back in to apply, I reminded him and asked if he could take me on that day.  He said, "No, just apply online. You can do it that way."  That will mean a phone conference, a conversation he has access to listen in on, leaving no way for me to get opportunity to speak freely with a human services worker, which, I am sure, is why he insists I sign up online.

I'm gonna be okay.  I will get through this.  I will once again earn a good income and, with that income,  I will purchase all of my own groceries where I want, when I want .... what I don't grow myself, that is.

Thanks for stopping in and for your support. Have a beautiful day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Is It Attempted MURDER if . . . . .

I have several health issues.  Most of my health issues I do pretty well at keeping under control, but there is that occasional flare up.  Stress is one of the biggest triggers that will flare up any of my health issues.  TL Ogre knows and fully understands all of this.


Two of my biggest stress induced health issues are asthma and heart problems.  Little did I know that TL Ogre would use this against me. I never dreamed that someone that is supposed to be your loving life partner, someone that is supposed to be there for you in sickness and in health, through everything, no matter what, would use your  health issues as a tool to punish and hurt you, but that is exactly what happened.

I'm not sure exactly how far back it started, how far back that he realized that his screaming rages or even just his didn't-make-sense-verbal beatings sent me into asthma attacks and/or mini strokes and heart attack symptoms, but he did eventually see that is caused it and ran with it.  When he would go into his screaming rages, or give me one of his long winded, never ending, belittling, verbal beatings, I would start gasping for air and go into an asthma attack and/or the left side of my body would go numb from head to toe, beginning with my left hand and foot, followed by my heart flip flopping around, chest pains, shortness of breath, jaw pain, etc. Sometimes my left eye feels like someone is stabbing it with an ice pick and feel like it will never stop! I tried so hard to block him out and relax my breathing, but it just didn't seem to help. His 'attacks' were just too harsh. That mean old Ogre would see my breathing became labored, or see me start flexing my hand trying to keep it from going numb, pause a moment with a small sadistic grin on his face, then plow even harder into me with his raging.  He loved me!  Why was he doing this?!  Why was he being so mean?!

When he either just plain ran out of steam and couldn't rage any more, and/or felt that he had me sick enough that my daily tasks would be a huge struggle, he would stop and walk away with a satisfied smug, evil grin on his face.

After many of those "episodes", my left foot and leg would be so numb and heavy I could barely walk.  My leg would often buckle under me, but I had to push and get my chores and daily tasks done as close to on time as possible, or I would get another round.  I was terrified he was gong to kill me this way!!  And of course, this is when he would give me an impossible list of extra chores to do, with consequences attached if the list wasn't completed, which it was not possible to complete, so punishment(s) were/was issued.

One day, at the end of one of these episodes, I verbally spelled out what he was doing to me, to my health, and asked if it didn't bother him, if he was sorry for what he was doing to me.  His exact reply was, "I'm sorry you can't take it, but it has to be done."

What?!?!?! He HAS to verbally beat me into asthma and heart attack symptoms???? This blew me away!  Why was he doing this?? Why did he feel he had to do this to me? He was supposed to be the love of my life, take care of me when I was sick, not MAKE me sick!!

The rages and verbal beatings grew in numbers and intensity, they escalated beyond out of control after that conversation.  This is when he started getting in my face screaming, flailing his arms at me making me think he was going to hit me, putting his mouth up to my ear (while I was sitting in a short chair in the middle of the yard with no way to get up and escape because he was bent over me - more of his sadistic use of my agoraphobia) screaming criticisms into my ear until my ear drum rattled with vibrations, knowing I do not have ear wax to buffer sound (birth defect), knowing it would send me into an asthma attack and stroke symptoms.

 Yet, periodically, he would sarcastically mouth at me, "We need to get you to a doctor and get that checked (stroke symptoms), but he would never tell me to go ahead and make an appointment and if I did, I would have been punished for the bill it created.

One day, on a particularly bad day, when I just could not keep quiet after an intense verbal beating, followed by his threat to "take me somewhere to be checked", I called him on it.  The verbal beating that day had been an extra bad one.  I was having strong stroke and heart attack symptoms.  One too many times he turned around, those daggers dancing from his darkened eyes, and sarcastically half screamed that we needed to get me somewhere to get "that checked".  I was feeling really bad and had no patience left that day, so I turned around to face him, several yards between us (I had been limping away to get my chores started), and said as calmly as I possibly could, "Yes, I need to go and have this problem checked.  When I do, the doctor is going to ask me what is stressing me so badly because both of these health issues for me are usually triggered by stress.  I will be honest and tell him what is causing it.

He was furious!  Body puffed, nostrils flared, he barked, "So, I'm doing it??!?! You think I am causing your stress?!  You think I am stressing you enough to cause that to happen?!?!

I very calmly said, "Yes, you are.  When the doctor asks what I think is causing it, that is what I will tell him."  The Ogre steamed, huffed, turned and stormed off to his next chore.  He spent the remainder of the day in obvious silent rage within himself. I noticed later that evening that his blood pressure cuff had been used.  As soon as he understood, though, that I would not hesitate to tell a doctor. nor anyone else I could get contact with, that he was inducing my ill health symptoms, the screaming rages slowed down to almost a halt.  I said almost, not totally stopped.  They were; however, replaced with other "punishments".  A narcissist will not be controlled, they just shift gears and go with another avenue.

So . . . . . .  is it attempted murder if someone knowingly, purposefully, and with full intent, creates a situation or performs an act, even just verbally, that they know will cause another person to go into an asthma attack, stroke (mini or regular) or heart attack?  I firmly believe it IS attempted murder!  What do you think? I would love to hear your opinions and views on this topic.

Thanks for stopping in and thank you for your support. Have a wonderful day of love this Valentine's Day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Another Clutch of Eggs and Just Touching Base

Howdy, all!
I don't have much time today, so I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know I am alright. Still sick, had a set back over the weekend, but improving again.

I found another small clutch of eggs a couple of days ago. They were so big and beautiful! I kept my mouth shut this time, lol. There were half a dozen. I put them in a carton and promptly put them in my "kitchen dresser" in the tent, no word about them. Pretty sad when you have to start hiding food. Funny thing though, he never did take any eggs to his sister until today, then asked if it was okay with me first. No telling what war would have started if I had said no, and I had no reason to say no, so I half smiled and said yes, no problem. Dang, I must have really scared him with my disapproving face the other day, over the eggs. It's just eggs.  He had also recently started counting chickens, though, and realized that about 90% of them are mine, lol. I figure, my chickens, his feed, we split them. No problem on my end. Split the eggs, I mean, not the chickens.

I FINALLY got to go get groceries over the weekend! The old Ogre had to go into that town for a few things and said I could go with him, if I split the gas, of course. The last puppy is spoken for, waiting for pick-up in a few days, it was a very, unseasonably warm, sunny day, and the little fella (puppy) is finally big enough I could leave for the day. I spent ALL of the food funds I had left on the card and hopefully it got me enough groceries for a month or so. I REALLY stretched it out as far as I could.  I am so happy to finally have some fresh fruits and veggies!!!  The day wasn't without its stresses, which I hope to get posted in a near future post, but it is done and over with, it could have been worse, and I have a stock of groceries and basic supplies. Still need a handful of things, but I have the bulk of what I needed. I just didn't realize how weak I had gotten from being sick and after the first store or two, I was really pushing to get the rest of my list, but I wasn't coming back without it all. On the way home, we went through a lot of brush fire smoke, which followed us home and kind of settled down in this valley, which set my respiratory infection back a bit, but I am once again, improving today.

I caught him in so many lies over the weekend, in just everyday, random chit chat.  It was lies that were so stupid, entire concocted "stories" even. Why would he do that? It is a narcissistic thing. They feel that if they know the truth and the person they are talking to doesn't, then they hold the control ... they get a control fix from it. Grrrr...... I just  kept listening quietly and wondering how much of the chit chat the past 5 plus years was all lies just like these over the weekend. Really kills my trust in anyone, anymore.

I better go for now. It has already been a long morning, I need to cover stuff up before the rain gets here, and he will be back 'home' any time. Thank you so much for stopping in and being supportive. I will try my best to get some more posts in this week. I have made so many eye-opening discoveries lately, and I want to get them documented.

Have a great day, all!

Signed - Betty Sue

A Clutch of Eggs

I found a clutch of eggs yesterday evening.  The chickens hadn't been laying much over the past month or so, so eggs have had to be somewhat rationed, used sparingly.  I need more ducks, they kept laying. :)  Anyway, the chickens are free ranging during the day, so finding eggs is like an Easter Egg hunt everyday.  Even we grown-ups get really excited when we find one!

Just before I found the clutch, we had about a dozen and a half eggs on hand.  The half dozen or so  had been aged a bit to be boiled for quick snacks and salads (they peel easier if they have aged a bit before boiling), so this left only a dozen eggs for the two of us to eat on.  They are starting to lay again, but we have been getting only one here and there.  The eggs are becoming my main protein because I haven't been to a grocery store in over a month, and T L Ogre eats bunches of them, so we use a lot when we have them.

I told T L Ogre about the baker's dozen eggs I had found and showed them to him (he asked where I found them). He went and looked at them and instantly exclaimed, bright eyed and excited, "Good! My sister is really needing some eggs! She will be glad to get some." I must have made a disapproving face, because he stopped, mouth dropped, then stuttered and stammered, "Well, I know we need some, too.  It is always good to have a few on hand . . . . " I just said, "Uh, yeah." and walked away.

I don't mind sharing with his sister, when we have it to spare, but his obsession with making sure she has everything first, and the best, has gotten beyond old!  I tried to be patient with it all at first, she is handicapped, but his desire to fall all over her, to make sure all of her needs are completely met before anyone else's, even though there are other people living in her house (one a young male adult), has gone far beyond 'normal'. I can now see why other 'wives' were bothered by his time and attentions with her, and why snide remarks about their 'relationship', are often made. It gets to be very strange, on his end.  From my end, she appears to be the only woman he really and truly cares about (setting aside his daughter, of course).

Right now, as I write this post, I am thoroughly enjoying my 3-egg mushroom and cheese omelet that I cooked from the eggs I found, laid by my chickens, cooked on top of that old kerosene hater.  Mmmmmmm, so good!

Thanks for stopping in and have a great day!

Signed - Betty Sue

T L Ogre Hates His Momma!

T L Ogre HATES his mother; not just a little bit, but with raging, extreme passionate hate. I didn't think too much about it in the beginning. Any time we were discussing our families, he would mention his mom from time to time. When he did, it was always in a negative way, but not really with any major anger.

In the beginning, he also often, said that I reminded him a lot of his mom. I never really thought much about it, in the beginning, because he usually said in it conjunction with her being an economizer or trying new small business venture ideas. Then, I took it to mean it was a good thing. I think that is how he wanted me to take it, too.

As the years have gone by, and our relationship has progressed, he has spoken more and more about his mom, always in a negative way. I have only heard him say something nice about her once in the 5+ years we have been together. He has also continued to say that I remind him so much of her.  I finally started wondering, "If you disliked everything about your mom, then why did you chose a life partner that reminds you so much of your her?" I wanted to ask that question so many times, but I never could find just that right moment to ask.

Now, keep in mind that his mom has been deceased for quite a few years, now. She was gone long before he and I even got together. He will tell you, with great anger and hate that she died from a hospital mistake(s).  He is still, to this day, bitterly angry that "they" screwed up and took his momma away from him, yet, in the next sentence, he will tell you about how no good she was.

T L Ogre says his Momma was crazy, clinically crazy. He has never given a mental diagnosis, just says she was crazy. Everything (in his eyes) that she ever did was wrong, mean, over protective, crazy, nuts, unfair, anything in the realm of bad. He now speaks of this with narrowed, glaring eyes, wrinkled forehead, clinched teeth, and deep, angry voice.

Over the past couple of years, especially the past year, he speaks of his mom more and more and more .... always in a bitterly, angry, hateful tone. EVERYTHING reminds him of her! We will be just standing there, talking about something small, just everyday chit chat, things like how fast the grass is greening up, the flowers popping up, need to head for the store, anything, and it will bring to mind a bad memory about his mom, sending him into a teeth clenched, bitterly angry, ranting rage. His rage against his mom might go on for just a few minutes, but often continues for up to an hour. He then appears to be upset and angry with her for the entire rest of the day.

He never lets anything go about her. He constantly brings up the same tiny little things that she did, over and over and over and over. He hangs on everything that she did that he didn't like, stupid, simple little every day kid things, many things that I didn't consider a bad thing at all, but basic mothering, and to this day he just won't let go of them, not even something as simple as cleaning off a little scrape. You can be doing something as simple as picking something out of the garden or cutting up vegetables and it will stir up a memory of her, sending him into a screaming, ranting rage, nostrils flaring, skin graying, breathing difficult . . . . total hate filled anger at his mom!

Nope, I don't think that my reminding him of his mom was a good thing at all!; yet, I do think that that is why he chose me as his next partner, because I DO remind him so much of his mom. I am her substitute.  Hindsight... don't we wish we could have it as foresight?!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue

Feeling Sick Ramblings

I am having one of those feeling 'numb' days. I am very sick, so just kind of "blah", too. I had what ever was going around, then it turned into a bad upper respiratory infection, so I am all medicated up for that (home remedies), which all heightens my feeling down and frustrated feelings. I am trying s`o hard to focus on the brighter side of things, but some days it is so, so, SOOO very hard! As I said, I am sick, so this post may sound like a lot of babble.

TL Ogre is being overly "nice" on outward appearance right now. That is still a manipulating tactic. He is all nice and sweet and helps me with something, then makes a subtle, under toned nasty remark and shoots those daring eyes at me, like 'I was nice and helped you, if you say a word about that remark, I will toss your azz out in the street!'.

I keep having things disappear, dishes mostly, ones I really like and enjoy using. If I ask about them, he will lie and say he doesn't have them, all the while getting total satisfaction from that Narcissistic Fix of making me do without something I needed/enjoyed and from the lie (which gives him the control of being the only one that knows the truth). The Narcissistic mind is a very complicated one, but once you get a grasp on their thinking patterns, you can sometimes guess what they are up to so you can protect yourself, to a degree, from their wrath. You really never truly know what is coming next, though.

There is a "feel" around him, right now, that is making me very nervous. Not even sure how to describe it... a look in his eyes, how he holds himself, how he moves, tone in his voice.... just a 'feel'. He is up to something. He still has plans of more fallout coming. It is mostly facial expressions and a look in his eyes, a steely, pondering look.

I needed some medicine for the dogs and puppies. I finally got him to go get it, because he needed to go in to town for some things, too. It turned out that I also need another type of medicine for them, but I have no way to go get it, and he would not go back, not even if I paid for the gas. He doesn't need anything else from the store, so he sees no reason in going. I am having to use a home remedy and hope like everything that it works. It isn't real serious at the moment, but it could become that way, fast, without the proper medication, and it is  holding up rehoming the last litter of puppies. He refuses to go back to town (about 5 miles or so away) until his regular day on Wednesday. Yesterday, when I needed him to go, was Sunday.

He is doing a lot of work around the yard, now, (things that we had talked about doing but he never would do with/for me) and he is making sure his butt crack shines bright while he works away! Most of the time about half a foot of that ugly thing shines up out of his britches, with him making no effort to cover it up. Even when he is just a foot or so away from my face, he makes sure that moon shines brightly! Does he really think he is stirring up desire with that thing? Nah, it is disgusting... both seeing it and the fact that he is so eager to flash it at me. He sure is proud of it!

I guess I have random blabbered enough for today. I will try to write more focused and centered tomorrow. Have a good day, all!

Signed - Betty Sue

I'd Like to Create a Farm-Style Domestic Abuse Shelter!

I know I am not alone. I know that there are other women (I use the term 'women' simply because I am a woman, I am really including all genders of abuse) out there with farms and/or multiple animals/pets that need to escape their abuser, have no where to go, and do not want to give up their animals. I mean, that is one of the reasons they chose us in the first place .... to be able to use our animals for leverage, to hold us here, to hurt us into control. I know first hand that hurting my animals hurts me far worse than actually hurting just me does. I have let myself be controlled to a degree to keep my animals safe. Having to give up our animals to escape the abuse/violence, rips us apart inside. It is like pouring salt and vinegar into our wounds of abuse. It also lets them 'win' to a huge degree, and that takes us almost, if not completely down to the bottom. Why on Earth, when we are desperately trying to get away from our abusers, trying to get out of our abusive, violent situation, do we have to add further hurt? Why do we have to break our bonds with the animals that were our rock while we were in this situation? Why do we have to further hurt our animals by separating them from us, by rehoming them or putting them down? Why do WE have to be further punished??? Further punished while our abuser sits back and sadistically relishes in the further hurt they have caused by us having to lose our animals in order to escape them. It just isn't right!!!!

I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! 

I WANT TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM FOR AS MANY AS I CAN! 

I want to create a Farm-Style "shelter" for the victims of abuse with animals, to be able to go to "with" their critters, and not have to have that much more hurt in their lives by losing them. I understand their hurt and their pain. I want to prevent this type of unnecessary hurt and pain for as many as I can. Maybe others will pick up the concept, too, and reach even more that need this type of help. I am seeing, as I am visiting support groups for abuse victims (especially for victims of narcissistic abuse) that there is a growing number of abused farm women with multiple animals. I want to help that group, and any victims with animals that might otherwise need to be left behind.

To start with, I will need a large piece of undeveloped, unrestricted land. The one I have listed on this site under "Wish List" would be fantastic! I just have no way of going to look at it, much less to move me and everything there so I can get this started. I think anything from 5 to 10 acres would be great, but that 10 acres would be especially good.

Here are some of my roughed out thoughts on this Farm-style Shelter......
* large acreage that isn't too 'noisy' or out of the way, but is peaceful. It will need to be easy for business traffic to come to, but not so busy we feel hectic nor on display.

* semi-off grid  (just my thought at the moment - could be optional for the individual residents)

*use refurbished vintage travel trailers and/or tiny houses on wheels (keeps the taxes down if on wheels and small spaces are kind of cozy after all that abuse

*DO NOT set up like a trailer park, but like a small community with everyone having their own little space/yards. Not in rows or blocks, but kind of scattered.

* Gardens (flower, vegetable, fruit, and herb). Working in gardens helps relieve stress, gives a feeling of accomplishment and worth, can take anger and pent up frustrations out on weeds, eat healthier with the home grown foods.

* set up produce stand for any garden extras.

* set up a very small store close to the road (next to produce stand) to sell our handmade items, new retail items and other things, maybe a thrift store.

* set up and run a small flea market once or twice a month or so. It would help those living on the property that chose to participate to earn some money and flea market space rent to outsiders could be used to develop the farm shelter and upkeep.

* Have a small community building for the farm shelter residents. It would have electricity where those that are off grid can charge batteries, watch TV, use computers, etc.

* This would also be a great, 24/7 support group.

* As residents feel they are ready to move on, their space can be filled by yet another victim with animals needing to escape. 

These are my thoughts for now. I REALLY want to do this! I have considered a crowd funding for it, but don't want my abuser to see it. What are your thoughts on a crowd funding set up for this? I have never really wanted to use one, but it might be a good option to help get this off the ground. 

Blessings! and thanks for stopping in!

Signed - Betty Sue

A Dark Dinner for a Bully

January 16, 2017

I am having a hard time restraining from laughing at T L Ogre in the late evenings, right now. If it weren't so darned funny, it would be infuriating, but laughing is less stressful, for me anyway.

What is so stinking funny you want to know? Night, after night, after night, he has been cooking well after dark for the past week! Tonight it was getting really late when he finished cooking his dinner, which held up feeding two of the dogs, which held up my dinner.

So, why was he so extra late cooking his dinner tonight? He couldn't find the lid to the pot he was using to cook in! I had just walked into the kitchen of the old house to wash my little cooking pot and curiously saw him frantically searching through the "pile." He stopped, looked up and asked, "Have you seen the lid yet to that stainless steel pot?" Of course I had to ask which stainless steel pot because we have a lot of stainless steel pots. He sarcastically, and accusingly, clarified that it was the same pot that he couldn't find the lid to the other day. He absolutely insists that I must know where that lid is and I am just not telling him. Geez!!  That was his cooking pot from before we got together, I have never used it. I have seen it sitting on the floor at the base of "the pile" (a mountain of kitchen stuff, trash, and rodent nests in the center of his old kitchen that he works from) but I had never used it. He threw a pretty good fit over not finding the lid to the pot, repeatedly insinuating that I must be hiding it, then bitterly and angrily finished up with, "Well, if I don't have it, it will take a whole lot longer for this to cook! (I don't know what 'this' was.)

I tried to find a substitute lid, but he said none of them fit. I have a multi-size lid, setting out in plain site, but that wouldn't do, either. Yes, it would have. I haven't found a pot, yet, that it didn't work on.

"T L Ogre, why weren't you prepared? Why didn't you plan ahead better? Why didn't you have everything you needed all laid out and ready ahead of time? It's dark now, mister! You're going to be cooking past your bedtime! You might have to cut your nightly, long, hot bath a little  short so you don't lose sleep. Come on, now, can't you get your dinner done on time?!"

That's what I wanted to say to him, a throw of his own words back at him. I didn't dare, though. He would have instantly tossed me out in the road. He had already threatened to once, today, because, once again, I didn't answer his question exactly right, exactly the way he wanted it answered.  Bullying, he gets such a power trip off of it! 

Thanks for stopping in. Have a good day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Rain, Dogs, and Deception

January 14, 2017

I was on the desk computer this afternoon checking puppy messages when T L Ogre came in for a bit. The phone rang and he told me to answer it, it was probably for me. I knew it wasn't, but I answered it anyway. It was his daughter-in-law, K, down the road. Apparently it caught her off guard when I answered. She acted like I was the devil himself and she was petrified. She talked really fast and run together as she asked, "Is Ogre (she used his actual name) there? I was calling to talk to Ogre. Is Ogre there? I just needed to talk to Ogre." I said he was right here, hang on. I had a hard time not laughing at her. That phone..... it is so loud that even with the receiver up to your ear, a person across the room can hear most of what is being said. I could hear her saying that the dogs had chewed up the electric cord and now with the rain it wasn't working. He said in to the phone, "I figured that was only a matter of time" (this electric cord went between their tiny house and the building for their bathroom). I heard him tell her he would be over there in a little while. (His son -  her husband - was off on  a job out of state)

When T L Ogre got off the phone, he told me it was K, that there was a little hole in the electric cord between the two buildings and rain water was getting in it. He had to go fix it. Apparently he either forgot how loud the phone was, or doesn't know because he lied! He never said a word about dogs chewing it up. Guess he didn't want me to know that he was going to pleasantly (and quickly) go repair something their dogs tore up (dogs he bitterly criticizes), while he hates and is so mean to "ours", raging like a maniac if they tear something up. He said he was going to have to go in to town for some special tape, first, and was gone for hours, just to wrap some tape around an electric cord. the moron actually thought I was going to believe that.

The next day provided a much better answer to that charade. He may have had to tape that wire (he had first said his sister had  that kind of tape on hand so he wouldn't have had to go in to town), but his daughter-in-law posted a picture of his grand baby at her house from the day before. It appears his daughter and her baby were down visiting and the whole lot of them had to create a lie, a fabricated scenario, for him to go down the road to see them..... I've run out of words for his antics at the moment. **shaking my head**

Thanks for stopping in and have a really good day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Food Stamp Saga - Part 4

The drive in to town with T L Ogre was a very silent one. I tried to make small talk a time or two to break the silence but got my head sarcastically bitten off each time. You could say something as simple as "the sky is blue, isn't it pretty" and he will counter with raging sarcasm and hate. He is full of hate 24/7, now. So I just settled into the silence.

We got into town and he asked where all I needed to go. He agreed with each place I mentioned, saying he had to go into the town nearest us on Wednesday (2 days later) and he could pick up what I needed then. In other words, he wanted to make sure he knew everything I was purchasing and had full control over it. I argued that I wanted to have everything basic I needed for the next few days since a long, hard, cold spell was coming. (He sarcastically argued that several days wasn't long, a month was long, but not several days to a week.) Again, he said he could pick those things up two days from now (cat food and dog food were two of those items, along with groceries and personal items). He just wasn't going to let me go into a store!

Then.... the grocery argument! Mind you, it was the first of the month and our funds had just been put on our card, plus most of last month's should have still been on it, also, since we had purchased very little groceries during December.  I said that one of the places I needed to stop was the grocery store, I needed to get some groceries and had my list made.

He narrowed his eyes and got gruff. He said he wasn't sure, there may not be enough, he had to check.  ...... Huh?  Not enough!?......  He said that he didn't want to spend any of this months' and maybe have to pay some back when we reapply. I said, "But there should still be quite a bit left from last month, most of it."  He was furious and went right back into his screaming rage! How dare I question the amount on the card! He screamed, "We got some and it adds up fast!"

I said, "Not that fast." (we are both very thrifty shoppers and only a few things had come home, that I knew of, maybe a bag or two full all total)  His rage built and he finally exploded that he had bought his sister a "few things" so she could have Christmas dinner at her house. He said she didn't have enough on her card to do that (She doesn't get a lot but her nephew and little great niece that live with her do get quite a bit on their card and it all goes into the household groceries - dang food stamp family, his handicapped sister does probably need it, but dang. We had already contributed 2 home grown butchered meat chickens (I agreed to two, but a third one is missing), a huge bag of sugar, a bowl of egg salad that I made, a couple dozen farm eggs for cooking the dinner, and not sure what all else)  He was absolutely livid that I dared to question where our grocery funds went! He sarcastically said that there was about $46 left that we could split for now. That wasn't even a third of what should have been left on the card from the previous month. His sister or someone got a nice mess of groceries for the past month (without my knowledge or input) and I came home with $23 of groceries. Good thing I am a stock upper.

Stay tuned for Part 5 of the Food Stamp Saga where the dollar amount on that card keeps changing.

Thanks for stopping in and thanks for listening. Have a good day!

Signed - Betty Sue

A 4th Personality I See - Little Boy

I definitely see a fourth personality inside of that big Ogre, a wounded, whiny, pouty, extremely insecure little boy. This little boy seems to be stuck at about 5 or 6 years old. I am thinking six. He is a very "afraid someone is going to tell on  him" little boy. This 'little boy' is very cowed down and scared. He is terrified someone will find out about something he did and equally terrified of what will happen when someone does find out. He is extremely afraid of what people will think of him when they find out what he has done. "If you tell, it will make me look bad." This then crosses over into the raging T L Ogre who doles out the punishment because the little boy was ratted out and made to look bad. I see T L Ogre as the protector for this little boy. Hmmmmmm, what will we name this little boy for future reference? I am leaning on "Howie". What name do you suggest?

Thanks for stopping by and reading. Have a good day.

Signed - Betty Sue

Crimeny Sakes, He's a NARCISSIST!!!!

Crimeny sakes, HE'S A NARCISSIST!!! In fact, he is, by far, the worst narcissist I have ever had the displeasure of meeting!  How did I miss this? After being in a relationship with one narcissist right after another, studying everything thing I possibly could so that it wouldn't happen again... how in the world did I end up here again? Not only did I end up here again, but this one wins the prize in narcissistic severity. He has had many wives and live-in relationships over the years, so I guess he has had a lot of practice to perfect his routine.

For those of you that may not be familiar with just what exactly a Narcissist is, or what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is, here is an excellent article that was written over on The Narcissistic Life. In fact, that entire blog has mountains of great info that all perfectly describe the Ogre I am living with. They could not have come closer writing about T L Ogre than if they had met him in person and lived with him! The first narcissist that I was actually married to for over 20 years is the passive-aggressive type. T L Ogre, beyond any doubt, is the explosive type. And as good as the first ex-husband was in the area of narcissism, T L Ogre's narcissistic abilities far surpass the ex's, without a doubt!

I have joined a Narcissist Support group over on Facebook, which, even after just one week has been a HUGE help! The problem is, T L Ogre is following me around all over Facebook and the Internet. He is still on my FB page (although, restricted), so it is hard to do anything on Facebook without his knowing. So, why is he still on my Facebook page?  Because I am still on his property. If I remove/block him from my page, he will ban me from using the computer/Internet. He is choo-choo training with passing out the "punishments".  Some punishments are simply because I won't do something his way, some are because he thinks/found out that I said something negative to someone about him (those are the biggest punishments), and some are because he gets a "fix" off of watching me suffer. If I remove him, where he can't follow me around, I will further be cut off from the outside world, almost completely. If I leave him on my page, I can't hardly communicate with anyone on the outside. Kind of makes it tough.

So, now I know he is a Narcissist, a very hard core, violent, raging Narcissist. Life here is still a living nightmare, but at least I know what I am up against. I also strongly feel that there are other disorders/issues involved. I am just not sure what those are, yet, aside from possibly multiple personalities. Input and suggestions are greatly accepted and appreciated!

Thanks for stopping in and listening. Have a good day!

Signed - Betty Sue