T L Ogre's body seems to "need" much more booze than he is getting right now. He gets a bottle a week, then attempts to ration it out so that it lasts the entire week. So far, he has only made that goal once in recent weeks. For awhile, he still had some scotch that he made up the difference with, but that, too, is now gone, as far as I know. He does still have one, super special OLD bottle of scotch, but he saves that for super extra special occasions.
He gets his 'bottle' on Wednesday afternoon. Wednesdays are his paydays and he goes in to town after he gets off of work to run his errands and get his bottle. This week, once again, he ran out of booze before his payday. He drank his last big glass on Monday night. (he drinks alone in his tent at the days' end) This meant that he didn't get any booze on Tuesday night, like his body and mind were used to. Wednesday morning T L Ogre got up on edge and a bit grumpy. He got up and did his morning chores, then I got up and we got the dogs fed. He was very cross, on edge, and obviously in high anxiety mode. I tried to say as little as possible, get the dogs fed as quickly as possible, then steer clear of him until he left for work at his sister's house.
When he got back from work and errands, to say he was in high anxiety mode and alcohol withdrawals didn't even begin to cover it! He was filled with hate and rage. I was trying to stay clear of him, but our paths kept crossing as we went about evening chores. Plus, he can't break from that 'wanting to discuss how the day went' mode. He doesn't want to be together, but he does want to be together (NOT ME!) He wants me gone but he doesn't want me gone. (I WANT TO BE GONE!) No matter what I answered, everything I said was wrong and sent him into a raging, hate filled long lecture. I tried to lighten the mood with positive talk, but no matter what I said, it reminded him of something he hated and the ranting, raging, hate filled, demeaning lecture was on! I had to just sit there, still as I could, until he finished. (sometimes he had me pinned into a corner, standing over me as he raged) When he is in these modes, you don't dare get up and walk away or the consequences will be much worse.
This all killed my evening time, badly, too. His raging withdrawals took up so much time, it forced me to end up getting my chores and evening work done well on late into the night. It was such a relief when he finally called it a day and went to bed for the night! I was able to finally complete my day in peace.
The next morning he was much calmer and, although still an azz, back to his 'on the surface' normal. His booze had had time to kick in through the night and his body got the 'fix' and relief it was needing. Wow, how sad and pathetic!
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and safe weekend!
Signed - Betty Sue
Showing posts with label alcoholism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcoholism. Show all posts
Friday, March 31, 2017
Friday, March 10, 2017
Alcohol Withdrawals? Part 1
It is a very sad and scary thing to watch someone that is addicted to alcohol. I am not talking your basic, average alcoholic. I am talking hardcore, mentally and physically addicted to alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that T L Ogre is just that, firmly addicted to alcohol. Even his body appears to get very sick, now, if he has to go a few days without any alcohol.
In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol. In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.
As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.
All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place. He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.
A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.
I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker. I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability." His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?
Stay tuned for Part 2 of "Alcohol Withdrawals?"
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!
Signed - Betty Sue
In the early stages of our relationship, he told me that he had been an alcoholic in his younger days. He said that he drank so much in his teens and early adulthood that he was often never sober. His life centered around alcohol. In the beginnings of our relationship he also said that he was now a recovered alcoholic, that he no longer drinks. He said that he accomplished that on his own, that he just up and quit drinking. He bitterly criticized AA and said he did it himself. I often wondered about that. From what little I knew about alcoholism, it didn't quite make sense that he could have been that heavy of an alcoholic, then quit completely on his own.
As our relationship progressed a bit, he would occasionally talk about wine and some kind of Scotch that he loves so much. Our first Christmas I learned that one of his relatives got him a big bottle of Scotch every year for his Christmas gift, which he gripes about to no end because it isn't the one he likes best. This all puzzled me. He had said that he was a recovered alcoholic and no longer drank. I asked him about this. He said he just had a little sip of the Scotch when it was really cold ... to warm him up, or on special occasions. The wine? He said he enjoyed a glass now and then with his dinner, that that much was good for you. He insisted that he was "recovered", could control his alcohol, now, and only had a little on occasion. This really concerned me. It didn't make sense to me, yet I never saw him drunk nor drinking. I decided I would just keep an eye on it. We were living in separate houses, so that was a little difficult, but I did keep my eyes open for new bottles when I was at his house. Yes, I know, alcoholics usually hide them so that wasn't a good info source.
All seemed to be okay. He did seem to control it, only have a little on rare occasion. But, as I said, I couldn't see through that phone and his house was so stacked up I would have never found a hiding place. He did talk about alcohol more and more, though, as our relationship progressed.
A few months after I moved to his place, I suspected he was drinking. Old booze bottles began to empty, he eagerly accepted a bottle of wine his sister was discarding and thoroughly enjoyed it during his long, leisurely baths, and one day I walked in and caught him "sneaking" a swig from his Scotch when he had gone in his old bedroom of the old house for something. He tried to hide what he was doing and quickly covered it up, pretending he was doing something else, but the alcohol aroma was strong and obvious. There was no reason for him to have hidden that he was taking a swig, the average person would have offered me a swig, too, yet he acted guilty and obviously didn't want me to know that he was taking a drink. He wanted to have his drink alone and in private. That is when I started checking bottles and realized just how much he was drinking again.
I began to wonder if his sudden maniac rages were coming from his return to drinking, or maybe from his trying to hold back on the alcohol when he was really REALLY wanting it. I wondered if he had just started drinking again or if he had ever really quit drinking, just slowed down, and had lied to me about it. He knew I did not approve of heavy drinking nor drunkenness. He knew that would be a relationship breaker. I also wondered if his return to drinking was what was killing his sex drive and "ability." His interest had suddenly died and nearly every time I tried it initiate, he just drifted on to sleep, sleep much faster than usual, mind boggling fast. Was it the alcohol?
Stay tuned for Part 2 of "Alcohol Withdrawals?"
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful and blessed weekend!
Signed - Betty Sue
Thursday, March 9, 2017
T L Ogre Moved His Bottle Pile
The Ogre's building wine bottle pile was by his tent. He seemed to keep only one really visible at a time, the others tucked in between his food totes. All the low flying planes and choppers really make him nervous and paranoid so I imagine he was worried someone from overhead might see them. He keeps the hard stuff inside the old house, mostly Scotch. Most of it is all drank up, now, too, but the pile of those empties he keeps in his old bedroom of the crumbling old house.
After his pile by the tent began to build a bit, he moved those new empty bottles to back behind the chicken shed with the rest of his big pile of dusty empties from past drinking days. A new pile is now forming by the tent. He went through a couple of extra bottles when he got his tax return, so there is, once again, a 3 bottle pile, and growing, next to his tent, and a new bottle started inside. Oddly enough, it looks like he only had one big glass last night. Yet somehow, that one glass made him over sleep. He seems to have been pretty sick lately from having gone several days without any booze until he got paid yesterday and got a new bottle, so maybe that one big glass gave him what he "needed" for now and his body relaxed and he finally slept. Good thing because after a few days of no booze, his agitation was really beginning to build again. It really is a sad situation. Much as I don't like what I have gotten into, I would much rather be in my shoes than his, for sure.
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.
Signed - Betty Sue
After his pile by the tent began to build a bit, he moved those new empty bottles to back behind the chicken shed with the rest of his big pile of dusty empties from past drinking days. A new pile is now forming by the tent. He went through a couple of extra bottles when he got his tax return, so there is, once again, a 3 bottle pile, and growing, next to his tent, and a new bottle started inside. Oddly enough, it looks like he only had one big glass last night. Yet somehow, that one glass made him over sleep. He seems to have been pretty sick lately from having gone several days without any booze until he got paid yesterday and got a new bottle, so maybe that one big glass gave him what he "needed" for now and his body relaxed and he finally slept. Good thing because after a few days of no booze, his agitation was really beginning to build again. It really is a sad situation. Much as I don't like what I have gotten into, I would much rather be in my shoes than his, for sure.
Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day.
Signed - Betty Sue
Friday, February 17, 2017
T L Ogre is a Drunken Alcoholic!
Gosh, I'm not even sure where to start on this one. In the beginning, T L Ogre told me that in his younger days, he drank a lot, A LOT. He said that he was young and stupid and drank to the point he was an alcoholic, he was never sober, but that he wasn't an alcoholic any more... he was now a "recovered alcoholic." That did send off a little warning flag with me, but over and over he assured me that he did not drink at all, now. He assured me that he understood that it was wrong, it messed up your life and your body, and that he would not do that again. I did always wonder, though, how he 'recovered' without any help.
On down the line he started talking about having an occasional glass of red wine with his dinner. He insisted that it was only a very small glass once in a blue moon, because a little red wine was good for you now and then. I didn't think that a "recovered alcoholic" could have any alcohol at all, so I really wondered about this. I researched and learned that some 'recovered alcoholics' can have a very occasional drink, but not most.
At Christmas time that first year, he got a bottle of Scotch for a gift from a relative. Turned out, it was an annual gift. He cussed and cursed because it wasn't the right kind. He liked another kind better and the gift he got wasn't the right one. How ungrateful! He said he saved it for special occasions and had a sip when it was super cold outside, to warm him up. Hmmmmmm........ For me, this was a bigger red flag. As far as I knew (I was still at my own home), the bottle did last all year.
After I moved here just over a year ago, I never saw him drinking. He held to the fact that he was a recovered alcoholic. When his daughter got married, he did break open some special bottle of extremely old and rare booze, but supposedly only had a sip or two out of it. Then one day, a few months ago, his other sister (the one he calls the evil sister) gave him a bottle of red wine that she had had about half a glass out of and didn't like. A couple times a week, he would enjoy a glass of it with his long, hot bath, until it was finally gone.
One night, not long after that bottle was gone, I came in to the old house to use the computer. I saw him bent over in the doorway of the old bedroom, and the strong smell of alcohol permeated the air! He shuffled stuff around really fast, stood up and started to try and make casual small talk, but stuttered and stammered the whole time. Busted! It was so obvious he was sneaking a drink. He didn't just openly say he was taking a swig or something, and offer me a taste, too, he had to hide it! It seems he much prefers drinking alone.
He has started bringing home his "pay day" bottle of wine the night of pay day. It looks like it is about half a gallon of some really good quality red wine. It is always empty by morning. He is now making it a habit of getting is "pay day drunk on." The bottles are beginning to pile of next to his tent. There are three there, now. Looks like he lied to me about all those "empties" sitting behind his little work shop. He said someone had given him the empty bottles, but they are all exactly like the empties by the tent.
The day he helped me tarp over the roof on my old travel trailer so the roof doesn't leak when it rains (until I can get the roof sealed up better-I will do that after I move it), he was so drunk he could hardly stand up! He kept stumbling all over the place and nearly fell several times. When he bent over to tie down corners of the tarp, he really had a hard time with keeping from falling over. He would stand up and complain that it "made him dizzy to bend over and tie the ropes". He never had that kind of problem before. And that wasn't an excuse for why he was stumbling around when he was standing straight up and having a hard time understanding anything I was saying. It was Saturday and he was getting his drunk on!
This strongly concerns me! What if he goes into one of his narcissistic rages while he is drunk, or at least, under the influence of alcohol? The end result could be much worse than just a broken hand. He is on an edge again. I feel, sense and see it coming on. Although filled with lies and just plain being a stupid a..h...e, he has been forcing himself to be "nice" lately, overly nice. Just sickening, but a bit less stressful and a lot less scary. Is the alcohol connected? I just don't know. He got his Wednesday night (pay day) drunk on .... then over slept by a LOT, on Thursday morning. I also noticed, though, that his "Scotch" glass was on the bathroom counter on Wednesday night. I hadn't seen that glass in a long, long time. I checked the bottle and it is nearly empty, now. So .... besides consuming an entire large bottle of wine all by himself on Wednesday night, it appears he also had a glass of his Scotch while lounging in his leisurely hot bath that night and Thursday night. These last two days are also when his "edge" and anxiety seemed to start building back up. I am concerned that all of this could drastically raise my danger level. God, keep me safe and help me through this!
I will be talking to the realtor today and I am hoping and praying hard for some good news. I will appreciate your prayers and good thoughts with that as well.
Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day and a beautiful weekend.
Signed - Betty Sue
On down the line he started talking about having an occasional glass of red wine with his dinner. He insisted that it was only a very small glass once in a blue moon, because a little red wine was good for you now and then. I didn't think that a "recovered alcoholic" could have any alcohol at all, so I really wondered about this. I researched and learned that some 'recovered alcoholics' can have a very occasional drink, but not most.
At Christmas time that first year, he got a bottle of Scotch for a gift from a relative. Turned out, it was an annual gift. He cussed and cursed because it wasn't the right kind. He liked another kind better and the gift he got wasn't the right one. How ungrateful! He said he saved it for special occasions and had a sip when it was super cold outside, to warm him up. Hmmmmmm........ For me, this was a bigger red flag. As far as I knew (I was still at my own home), the bottle did last all year.
After I moved here just over a year ago, I never saw him drinking. He held to the fact that he was a recovered alcoholic. When his daughter got married, he did break open some special bottle of extremely old and rare booze, but supposedly only had a sip or two out of it. Then one day, a few months ago, his other sister (the one he calls the evil sister) gave him a bottle of red wine that she had had about half a glass out of and didn't like. A couple times a week, he would enjoy a glass of it with his long, hot bath, until it was finally gone.
One night, not long after that bottle was gone, I came in to the old house to use the computer. I saw him bent over in the doorway of the old bedroom, and the strong smell of alcohol permeated the air! He shuffled stuff around really fast, stood up and started to try and make casual small talk, but stuttered and stammered the whole time. Busted! It was so obvious he was sneaking a drink. He didn't just openly say he was taking a swig or something, and offer me a taste, too, he had to hide it! It seems he much prefers drinking alone.
He has started bringing home his "pay day" bottle of wine the night of pay day. It looks like it is about half a gallon of some really good quality red wine. It is always empty by morning. He is now making it a habit of getting is "pay day drunk on." The bottles are beginning to pile of next to his tent. There are three there, now. Looks like he lied to me about all those "empties" sitting behind his little work shop. He said someone had given him the empty bottles, but they are all exactly like the empties by the tent.
The day he helped me tarp over the roof on my old travel trailer so the roof doesn't leak when it rains (until I can get the roof sealed up better-I will do that after I move it), he was so drunk he could hardly stand up! He kept stumbling all over the place and nearly fell several times. When he bent over to tie down corners of the tarp, he really had a hard time with keeping from falling over. He would stand up and complain that it "made him dizzy to bend over and tie the ropes". He never had that kind of problem before. And that wasn't an excuse for why he was stumbling around when he was standing straight up and having a hard time understanding anything I was saying. It was Saturday and he was getting his drunk on!
This strongly concerns me! What if he goes into one of his narcissistic rages while he is drunk, or at least, under the influence of alcohol? The end result could be much worse than just a broken hand. He is on an edge again. I feel, sense and see it coming on. Although filled with lies and just plain being a stupid a..h...e, he has been forcing himself to be "nice" lately, overly nice. Just sickening, but a bit less stressful and a lot less scary. Is the alcohol connected? I just don't know. He got his Wednesday night (pay day) drunk on .... then over slept by a LOT, on Thursday morning. I also noticed, though, that his "Scotch" glass was on the bathroom counter on Wednesday night. I hadn't seen that glass in a long, long time. I checked the bottle and it is nearly empty, now. So .... besides consuming an entire large bottle of wine all by himself on Wednesday night, it appears he also had a glass of his Scotch while lounging in his leisurely hot bath that night and Thursday night. These last two days are also when his "edge" and anxiety seemed to start building back up. I am concerned that all of this could drastically raise my danger level. God, keep me safe and help me through this!
I will be talking to the realtor today and I am hoping and praying hard for some good news. I will appreciate your prayers and good thoughts with that as well.
Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day and a beautiful weekend.
Signed - Betty Sue
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