Wednesday, February 8, 2017

T L Ogre Hates His Momma!

T L Ogre HATES his mother; not just a little bit, but with raging, extreme passionate hate. I didn't think too much about it in the beginning. Any time we were discussing our families, he would mention his mom from time to time. When he did, it was always in a negative way, but not really with any major anger.

In the beginning, he also often, said that I reminded him a lot of his mom. I never really thought much about it, in the beginning, because he usually said in it conjunction with her being an economizer or trying new small business venture ideas. Then, I took it to mean it was a good thing. I think that is how he wanted me to take it, too.

As the years have gone by, and our relationship has progressed, he has spoken more and more about his mom, always in a negative way. I have only heard him say something nice about her once in the 5+ years we have been together. He has also continued to say that I remind him so much of her.  I finally started wondering, "If you disliked everything about your mom, then why did you chose a life partner that reminds you so much of your her?" I wanted to ask that question so many times, but I never could find just that right moment to ask.

Now, keep in mind that his mom has been deceased for quite a few years, now. She was gone long before he and I even got together. He will tell you, with great anger and hate that she died from a hospital mistake(s).  He is still, to this day, bitterly angry that "they" screwed up and took his momma away from him, yet, in the next sentence, he will tell you about how no good she was.

T L Ogre says his Momma was crazy, clinically crazy. He has never given a mental diagnosis, just says she was crazy. Everything (in his eyes) that she ever did was wrong, mean, over protective, crazy, nuts, unfair, anything in the realm of bad. He now speaks of this with narrowed, glaring eyes, wrinkled forehead, clinched teeth, and deep, angry voice.

Over the past couple of years, especially the past year, he speaks of his mom more and more and more .... always in a bitterly, angry, hateful tone. EVERYTHING reminds him of her! We will be just standing there, talking about something small, just everyday chit chat, things like how fast the grass is greening up, the flowers popping up, need to head for the store, anything, and it will bring to mind a bad memory about his mom, sending him into a teeth clenched, bitterly angry, ranting rage. His rage against his mom might go on for just a few minutes, but often continues for up to an hour. He then appears to be upset and angry with her for the entire rest of the day.

He never lets anything go about her. He constantly brings up the same tiny little things that she did, over and over and over and over. He hangs on everything that she did that he didn't like, stupid, simple little every day kid things, many things that I didn't consider a bad thing at all, but basic mothering, and to this day he just won't let go of them, not even something as simple as cleaning off a little scrape. You can be doing something as simple as picking something out of the garden or cutting up vegetables and it will stir up a memory of her, sending him into a screaming, ranting rage, nostrils flaring, skin graying, breathing difficult . . . . total hate filled anger at his mom!

Nope, I don't think that my reminding him of his mom was a good thing at all!; yet, I do think that that is why he chose me as his next partner, because I DO remind him so much of his mom. I am her substitute.  Hindsight... don't we wish we could have it as foresight?!

Thanks for stopping in and have a beautiful day!

Signed - Betty Sue


  1. So, do you respond to this at all? This is not going to improve or go away without being addressed. How uncomfortable for you. At least you can tell him how it makes you feel when he does this, right? Good luck with this issue, and don't hesitate to get outside help if you can.

    1. Sara, thank you so much for stopping in and for your input and support. YES, I do respond on here. Sometimes it may take me a few days to get back on here, but yes, I try my best to respond to everyone.
      Believe me, I am addressing this problem as best I can. In order to get out of here with as much of my farm intact as possible, it will take a bit of patience and time. I thought I was about ready to close on a piece of land, but it hit some snags at the end of last week, so hoping it all get straightened out this week. Until then, I will continue to sort, pack, and make my preparations, both the ones visually, and the ones I must make in quiet, which takes longer, but I will get there.
      Outside help? No, I won't hesitate to ask and try to get some help. I have asked, already, several places, and I do have a bit of help, now, but not near enough and it seems that no one wants to get involved these days, or they want to use the fact that you are 'down' and use you to get their control fix. And I never saw so many 'friend' run and go into hiding!
      NO, I cannot tell him how it makes me feel when he treats me badly. He tells me how he feels, how it is, for lengthy periods of time, sometimes for hours on end, and I am supposed to just stand/sit there quietly and take it without uttering a word back. He escalates if I say anything and/or there are consequences. I am not allowed, though, to tell him how I feel, not even quietly or calmly. He takes anything like that to mean I am saying something negative about him, which results in I and/or one or more of the critters getting a punishment. So I just hold it all in, cry it out when I feel like I am going to explode from feeling so isolated, hug my doggies, and continue to prepare to get out of here as I pray for a miracle.
      For some reason, I am still here, something I am supposed to do or find or learn. I just have to be patient and let it all come together. I just hope that is soon!
      Thanks again, and you have a fantastic day!


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