The OFFICIAL break-up, sort of.

Yep, it is OFFICIALLY a 'break up'. A couple of months ago I called it off. "I" said that we were OVER! In my mind, in my thoughts, in my plans for the future, I never faltered from that.... IT WAS OVER!

T L Ogre, on the other hand, forbid it. We were still together. We were still a couple. We were still going to get married. I could not leave. No one else cared about me. Only he did. He forbid me to change my Facebook status, or else there would be a punishment. He would not "allow" me to break it off. Now, let me tell you, when someone tries to kill my dog, when someone tries to kill or harm my cats for the purpose of hurting me, when someone whacks my hand on purpose (with no remorse) with a big fire log in a moment of uncontrolled rage (went from 0 to 60 in just a couple of seconds), IT'S OVER!!!!

I kept quiet about it and didn't say any more as I started to try and figure out how to get out of here. His raging, tantrums and abuse worsened by the day. A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of one of his senseless rages, he said that there were going to be "some changes around here the first of the year!" He said no more after that. I didn't know if that was an empty threat to intimidate, or a discussion we were going to have or what.

About that time he also started something I would call Intimidation Brain Washing. He would have a bunch of concocted stuff all saved up, stuff that wasn't true and didn't make sense, catch me in a corner or sitting down in a chair, (were I couldn't escape. He now has lots of fun with me being Agoraphobic and uses it for his sadistic pleasure) then start screaming down at me, one nonsense thing right after another. You do this!  You do that! You don't do this! You don't do that! You won't change! You won't do what I tell you! You think this! You think that! You are stupid! You are stubborn! (I admit to that one) You are stubborn and stupid because you are Polish! Nobody cares about you! Your friends don't really like you, they just pretend! Actually, most of what he was screaming and raging is actually what he is guilty of. That kind of blew my mind. He screams and rages all these things at me that he does and shouldn't, or doesn't do and should.

It finally occurred to me the other day that he was building on his "scenario" to tell people when I left and it became obvious we were no longer together. He needs to save face. I mean, eleven wives before me left him - most of them in haste and revengeful anger - and countless live-ins. He has to save face with his family and few friends when another one leaves. Some of them really criticize him because he can't keep a relationship.

Then January 1st, I stopped to sit down in a chair a few minutes (outside) to catch my breath from chores, when he came up and, once again, towered over me in a corner. The raging, screaming, tirade began ...... a verbal beating with countless accusations that weren't true, didn't make any sense, and once again, most were what he is guilty of. And of course, more drilling it into me that everything around here that isn't done, isn't completed, is falling down from disrepair is MY fault and solely, MY fault. He finished with (still in a screaming rage, but like he had just thought of it) "You know, I'm not going to marry you! We aren't engaged any more!" I said, calmly and agreeably, "No, we aren't getting married. Not a chance." He stopped a moment with a very odd and puzzled look on his face. Then he screamed, "You need to get your stuff and your critters and get out of here! You can stay on the property until you find something, but I am no longer paying for anything! I'm done with you!" He then raced into the house and changed HIS Facebook status.

It became obvious that this "break up" was planned weeks ago, possibly even longer. HE had to be the one to break it off. HE had to make a production out of it. He had to get his 'story' created and organized before he put on his show. So I am in the tent that is becoming thin and brittle, and he has made his "home" in is pick up, sleeping in the sturdy walls of the cab.

Even though he says we are "over", he really doesn't mean quite that. He refuses to pay for anything any more, he has stripped me of all of my income earning opportunities (post on that shortly), he is scouring the dating sites and porn sites (but I discovered that he has been doing that for quite awhile), he is cleaning up things he always trashes and tells me not to clean because it is wasted time, yet he keeps talking about "we this" and "we that" and includes the word "we" not "I" when he talks about the future.  Reality is, in my eyes, he has someone else on the string and is ready for the newness of the relationship once again, yet still needs the control fix from attacking me. That makes a lot more make more sense. He still wants to be "together", but he is intensifying the "punishments" because I won't comply with his outrageous demands and he gets some kind of  'fix' from this. In no time, though, he will definitely be done with me when he wants to bring his next victim here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, have a blessed and happy day!


Signed - Betty Sue