The OFFICIAL break-up, sort of.

Yep, it is OFFICIALLY a 'break up'. A couple of months ago I called it off. "I" said that we were OVER! In my mind, in my thoughts, in my plans for the future, I never faltered from that.... IT WAS OVER!

T L Ogre, on the other hand, forbid it. We were still together. We were still a couple. We were still going to get married. I could not leave. No one else cared about me. Only he did. He forbid me to change my Facebook status, or else there would be a punishment. He would not "allow" me to break it off. Now, let me tell you, when someone tries to kill my dog, when someone tries to kill or harm my cats for the purpose of hurting me, when someone whacks my hand on purpose (with no remorse) with a big fire log in a moment of uncontrolled rage (went from 0 to 60 in just a couple of seconds), IT'S OVER!!!!

I kept quiet about it and didn't say any more as I started to try and figure out how to get out of here. His raging, tantrums and abuse worsened by the day. A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of one of his senseless rages, he said that there were going to be "some changes around here the first of the year!" He said no more after that. I didn't know if that was an empty threat to intimidate, or a discussion we were going to have or what.

About that time he also started something I would call Intimidation Brain Washing. He would have a bunch of concocted stuff all saved up, stuff that wasn't true and didn't make sense, catch me in a corner or sitting down in a chair, (were I couldn't escape. He now has lots of fun with me being Agoraphobic and uses it for his sadistic pleasure) then start screaming down at me, one nonsense thing right after another. You do this!  You do that! You don't do this! You don't do that! You won't change! You won't do what I tell you! You think this! You think that! You are stupid! You are stubborn! (I admit to that one) You are stubborn and stupid because you are Polish! Nobody cares about you! Your friends don't really like you, they just pretend! Actually, most of what he was screaming and raging is actually what he is guilty of. That kind of blew my mind. He screams and rages all these things at me that he does and shouldn't, or doesn't do and should.

It finally occurred to me the other day that he was building on his "scenario" to tell people when I left and it became obvious we were no longer together. He needs to save face. I mean, eleven wives before me left him - most of them in haste and revengeful anger - and countless live-ins. He has to save face with his family and few friends when another one leaves. Some of them really criticize him because he can't keep a relationship.

Then January 1st, I stopped to sit down in a chair a few minutes (outside) to catch my breath from chores, when he came up and, once again, towered over me in a corner. The raging, screaming, tirade began ...... a verbal beating with countless accusations that weren't true, didn't make any sense, and once again, most were what he is guilty of. And of course, more drilling it into me that everything around here that isn't done, isn't completed, is falling down from disrepair is MY fault and solely, MY fault. He finished with (still in a screaming rage, but like he had just thought of it) "You know, I'm not going to marry you! We aren't engaged any more!" I said, calmly and agreeably, "No, we aren't getting married. Not a chance." He stopped a moment with a very odd and puzzled look on his face. Then he screamed, "You need to get your stuff and your critters and get out of here! You can stay on the property until you find something, but I am no longer paying for anything! I'm done with you!" He then raced into the house and changed HIS Facebook status.

It became obvious that this "break up" was planned weeks ago, possibly even longer. HE had to be the one to break it off. HE had to make a production out of it. He had to get his 'story' created and organized before he put on his show. So I am in the tent that is becoming thin and brittle, and he has made his "home" in is pick up, sleeping in the sturdy walls of the cab.

Even though he says we are "over", he really doesn't mean quite that. He refuses to pay for anything any more, he has stripped me of all of my income earning opportunities (post on that shortly), he is scouring the dating sites and porn sites (but I discovered that he has been doing that for quite awhile), he is cleaning up things he always trashes and tells me not to clean because it is wasted time, yet he keeps talking about "we this" and "we that" and includes the word "we" not "I" when he talks about the future.  Reality is, in my eyes, he has someone else on the string and is ready for the newness of the relationship once again, yet still needs the control fix from attacking me. That makes a lot more make more sense. He still wants to be "together", but he is intensifying the "punishments" because I won't comply with his outrageous demands and he gets some kind of  'fix' from this. In no time, though, he will definitely be done with me when he wants to bring his next victim here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, have a blessed and happy day!


Signed - Betty Sue

A Very Rough Day

It was an extra rough day, today. T L Ogre seems to have a huge conflict within himself, a brewing storm, and he doesn't know how to handle or control it. This makes him even scarier and feels much  more dangerous. Even the dogs today, quickly picked up on the difference and were a bit nervous. They did a lot of low grumbling every time he started to come near me. Even though he has been raging at me very similar to tonight's rage, somehow the dogs told me that it was different, more dangerous. The dogs paced back and forth while three of them huddled close to me in a circle of protection. It was very strange, to say the least. This really concerns me, in more ways than one. I just don't know what to make of it. Maybe he drank again and they smelled it on him. I wish I had the answer. Actually, I just wish I WAS OUT OF HERE!!! Out of here with all of my farm and business supplies in tact for a fresh, new start.

The following is a recap of some of the day's events:

Thanks for stopping in and listening.

Signed - Betty Sue

He Speaks His Own Language

T L Ogre has his own language. The words come out in English, but they often don't mean what they are supposed to mean. Sometimes, things he says will have a different meaning from one time to the next. It is one of the craziest things I have ever seen! If anyone knows what that is all about, I would love it if you would share your knowledge and insight on it in the comments.

Here is an example:

I was inside our "yard" (in our living area) and heading for the gate. (makeshift gate that is very difficult to open) I was almost to the gate when he walked up and asked, "What are you up to, now?" I replied, "I was just heading out the gate to go grab those racks." (wooden trellis that I have to lay over the bed to keep the dogs from laying on it during the day.)

That's it, that is all I said, in a calm, every day voice, "I was just heading out the gate to go grab those racks." 
The raging, violent, verbal tirade began! For nearly the next half an hour, the screaming, yelling (to the point of vibrations), raging, name calling, belittling, degrading, threat filled tantrum ensued. I was mind blown! I had no idea what I had done. He kept screaming that I didn't answer him right. I didn't know what else I could have said, nor how else I should have worded it.

Finally, teeth clenched, skin darkened, eyes spitting fire, he loudly commanded, "When I ask you, What are you up to, That means, Are you about ready to feed the dogs, yet?!" He then repeated it. I was so stunned and confused I was speechless, so then he accused me of giving him the 'silent treatment.' He finished with, "You aren't communicating with me! We can't get anywhere around here if you don't communicate right with me. You need to learn how to interpret what I am saying to you!" .   .   .   .   .   .  huh?

This has happened multiple times, especially that past couple of months. It is mind boggling. I never know when he states a sentence, what it is supposed to mean. I have no idea if I have deciphered it correctly and all will be well, or if I guessed wrong and another raging, verbal tirade or another "punishment" is coming. I have never seen anything like it, have you?

Signed - Betty Sue

He sets me up for failure!

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to do what he is wanting me to do, demanding me to do. No matter how hard I go nor how many chores he has left for me to do in the order he tells me to do them, it isn't right. I always do it wrong. "You should have done so and so first!" But I did what he said to do. "You should have done it faster and got that done, too!" "You should have figured out that 'that' needed to be done first instead, no matter what I said!" There is NO way to please T L Ogre! No matter what I do, I can count on an horrendous, degrading, belittling, raging verbal beating for anywhere from 10 or 15 minutes to 3 days long.
He also says to do one thing, then later says he said no such thing. OR we agree to do something a certain way but he later says he didn't agree, it was just my idea and I did it wrong. THERE IS NO WAY TO PLEASE AND AVOID AN ATTACK!

His raging tirades are escalating so fast and so strongly that I am expecting to get hit again (or beaten) at any given moment. I don't know how to get out of here, and all of my critters and belongings out of here, without incomprehensible, life threatening results before we are all out. I made the mistake of saying a couple of times that I wanted to leave. I won't make that mistake again. I have to just play along that I am staying here. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE FROM HE--!!!!

Changing the Blog Address

I have decided to change the blog address on here from twistedlatentogre to simply, tlogre.
If you have been following my new blog already, please be sure and look for it in a few days at:

tlogre.blogspot.com

I will wait until next week to be sure anyone that has been reading it can see this. The change will shorten the address and I hope, make it much easier to type, read, find, etc. Thank you and I hope you return often.

Betty Sue