Yep, it is OFFICIALLY a 'break up'. A couple of months ago I called it off. "I" said that we were OVER! In my mind, in my thoughts, in my plans for the future, I never faltered from that.... IT WAS OVER!
T L Ogre, on the other hand, forbid it. We were still together. We were still a couple. We were still going to get married. I could not leave. No one else cared about me. Only he did. He forbid me to change my Facebook status, or else there would be a punishment. He would not "allow" me to break it off. Now, let me tell you, when someone tries to kill my dog, when someone tries to kill or harm my cats for the purpose of hurting me, when someone whacks my hand on purpose (with no remorse) with a big fire log in a moment of uncontrolled rage (went from 0 to 60 in just a couple of seconds), IT'S OVER!!!!
I kept quiet about it and didn't say any more as I started to try and figure out how to get out of here. His raging, tantrums and abuse worsened by the day. A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of one of his senseless rages, he said that there were going to be "some changes around here the first of the year!" He said no more after that. I didn't know if that was an empty threat to intimidate, or a discussion we were going to have or what.
About that time he also started something I would call Intimidation Brain Washing. He would have a bunch of concocted stuff all saved up, stuff that wasn't true and didn't make sense, catch me in a corner or sitting down in a chair, (were I couldn't escape. He now has lots of fun with me being Agoraphobic and uses it for his sadistic pleasure) then start screaming down at me, one nonsense thing right after another. You do this! You do that! You don't do this! You don't do that! You won't change! You won't do what I tell you! You think this! You think that! You are stupid! You are stubborn! (I admit to that one) You are stubborn and stupid because you are Polish! Nobody cares about you! Your friends don't really like you, they just pretend! Actually, most of what he was screaming and raging is actually what he is guilty of. That kind of blew my mind. He screams and rages all these things at me that he does and shouldn't, or doesn't do and should.
It finally occurred to me the other day that he was building on his "scenario" to tell people when I left and it became obvious we were no longer together. He needs to save face. I mean, eleven wives before me left him - most of them in haste and revengeful anger - and countless live-ins. He has to save face with his family and few friends when another one leaves. Some of them really criticize him because he can't keep a relationship.
Then January 1st, I stopped to sit down in a chair a few minutes (outside) to catch my breath from chores, when he came up and, once again, towered over me in a corner. The raging, screaming, tirade began ...... a verbal beating with countless accusations that weren't true, didn't make any sense, and once again, most were what he is guilty of. And of course, more drilling it into me that everything around here that isn't done, isn't completed, is falling down from disrepair is MY fault and solely, MY fault. He finished with (still in a screaming rage, but like he had just thought of it) "You know, I'm not going to marry you! We aren't engaged any more!" I said, calmly and agreeably, "No, we aren't getting married. Not a chance." He stopped a moment with a very odd and puzzled look on his face. Then he screamed, "You need to get your stuff and your critters and get out of here! You can stay on the property until you find something, but I am no longer paying for anything! I'm done with you!" He then raced into the house and changed HIS Facebook status.
It became obvious that this "break up" was planned weeks ago, possibly even longer. HE had to be the one to break it off. HE had to make a production out of it. He had to get his 'story' created and organized before he put on his show. So I am in the tent that is becoming thin and brittle, and he has made his "home" in is pick up, sleeping in the sturdy walls of the cab.
Even though he says we are "over", he really doesn't mean quite that. He refuses to pay for anything any more, he has stripped me of all of my income earning opportunities (post on that shortly), he is scouring the dating sites and porn sites (but I discovered that he has been doing that for quite awhile), he is cleaning up things he always trashes and tells me not to clean because it is wasted time, yet he keeps talking about "we this" and "we that" and includes the word "we" not "I" when he talks about the future. Reality is, in my eyes, he has someone else on the string and is ready for the newness of the relationship once again, yet still needs the control fix from attacking me. That makes a lot more make more sense. He still wants to be "together", but he is intensifying the "punishments" because I won't comply with his outrageous demands and he gets some kind of 'fix' from this. In no time, though, he will definitely be done with me when he wants to bring his next victim here.
Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, have a blessed and happy day!
Signed - Betty Sue
Showing posts with label creating a scenario. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creating a scenario. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Sick Again and a Gun
I got sick as I started to go to bed last night (actually, about 3am). This is my second bug (virus) in a week. My resistance seems to be unbelievably low right now. I am not getting to go anywhere, yet I am still catching everything. One my way out to the tent last night, I started getting really dizzy and queasy. I got things in order around the tent, the dogs settled in for the night, and started to go to bed myself. The dizziness grew until I was about to pass out and the queasiness was horrible.
I finally made it into the bed and tried to lay down. Every time I tried to lay down, I got so dizzy I felt myself passing out and sat up quickly. How I kept from vomiting, I have no idea. The urge was ultra strong. I sat totally still, bundled up in blankets and snuggled up to my hot water bottle. I kind of made another little tent over me with blankets and the hot water bottle in the center.
Finally, little by little, I was able to lay down and rest a little. I snoozed off and on through the night, so I am very tired today. I am still queasy, only slightly dizzy, more congested than usual, and chilling like I am running a fever. Pretty positive I am running a fever.
T L Ogre came in the tent after he got his chores done, around 9:30. (I have no idea how long he had been up), but I thought I had heard him go into the old house to use the computer about an hour after I headed for bed.) He had a big frown on his face because I was still in bed. I struggled to get up and told him that I had been really sick all night. He said in a gruff voice of a stranger that didn't know you, "I'm sorry to hear that." then "Are you ready to feed the dogs? I need to get up in the woods this morning." Not an ... are you okay? or .... What was wrong? Just an "Oh, well" attitude.
We got the dogs fed and he was cross and snappy the whole time, not as bad as usual of late, but still cross and snappy at every little thing. After we got the dogs fed, T L Ogre came back to the tent and just stood in front of the tent for several minutes with an hateful, pondering look on his face. Finally, he lifted his head up and said that he was going to get his gun (pistol) out of the tent and take it on in the house. And then, the verbal beating and story concocting began......
Everything he said started with, You, You, You, You, You.... You are always to blame. "For some reason you don't like that gun in there. For some reason you are uncomfortable with that gun in there and I have no idea why. He then went on to hatefully argue all the good reasons why we needed a loaded gun close by when we sleep. Hateful and guns do not go together in my book. Biggest reason I was uncomfortable with it in there, he has grown more and more full of hate since the gun was put in there, and he often acts quickly before he thinks. So YES, I was uncomfortable with that big, loaded pistol in there.
He went on and on and on criticizing me for being nervous about having a loaded gun in the tent. Then ... he compared guns to the dogs!!! Like a little child he whined, "You have all of these dogs in here. (I had those dogs when I moved, and the yard they are in was built for them) Dogs are just like a loaded gun, only you can't control when their trigger might go off. Dogs go off and "shoot" whenever they want, you can't control that. At any moment, just because they want to, a dog can pull his own trigger. They stay loaded all the time. And you might not be able to stop them. A dog is MUCH more dangerous than a gun!
For crying out loud! The man that is obsessed with guns, knives and other types of weapons, is whining that he is scared of dogs! Not just my dogs, all dogs! He can't get that if you are nice to a dog, if you never provoke a dog, it isn't going to "shoot" you. It will be loyal to you. But this isn't what this is all really about.
What actually is happening (in my opinion) is that he is creating his scenario, his 'story' if you will. He knows that I don't want to be here anymore, he knows that I am trying to find a way to leave, and he may be building up to kick me out (I strongly suspect that will happen any day, now). Before any of that happens, he needs to have a "story" ready to tell people, a story that will make me look like the monster. I have noticed that for about the past week he has been working on concocting this story. He can't possibly look bad. He has to create something that will make me look bad and him the victim. I see now that he has done this with his past wives. The "story" he told about each one of them that left always left me with questions. The stories didn't quite make sense. They now make sense, and I can clearly see that they, too, were the victims. They nearly all left in anger and extreme spite. I can now read in between the lines of every story that he told about every one of them. Now I see that all these senseless things that he is saying to me, about me, my critters, my belongings, all the untrue and ridiculous things he has said to berate me and confuse me, are to create that "story" he will tell when I leave, the one where he is once again the victim, where he just keeps picking women that turn out to be all alike, a man user that is crazy and he has no idea why they went nuts and left with so much spite. He is running scared now, scared that he will look bad to his family and handful of friends because another one left, because he can't hold a relationship. He wants to make sure he makes me out to be the villain and destroys me if I leave, destroys me FOR leaving. That is how I see it. It makes all the senseless make sense.
Signed - Betty Sue
I finally made it into the bed and tried to lay down. Every time I tried to lay down, I got so dizzy I felt myself passing out and sat up quickly. How I kept from vomiting, I have no idea. The urge was ultra strong. I sat totally still, bundled up in blankets and snuggled up to my hot water bottle. I kind of made another little tent over me with blankets and the hot water bottle in the center.
Finally, little by little, I was able to lay down and rest a little. I snoozed off and on through the night, so I am very tired today. I am still queasy, only slightly dizzy, more congested than usual, and chilling like I am running a fever. Pretty positive I am running a fever.
T L Ogre came in the tent after he got his chores done, around 9:30. (I have no idea how long he had been up), but I thought I had heard him go into the old house to use the computer about an hour after I headed for bed.) He had a big frown on his face because I was still in bed. I struggled to get up and told him that I had been really sick all night. He said in a gruff voice of a stranger that didn't know you, "I'm sorry to hear that." then "Are you ready to feed the dogs? I need to get up in the woods this morning." Not an ... are you okay? or .... What was wrong? Just an "Oh, well" attitude.
We got the dogs fed and he was cross and snappy the whole time, not as bad as usual of late, but still cross and snappy at every little thing. After we got the dogs fed, T L Ogre came back to the tent and just stood in front of the tent for several minutes with an hateful, pondering look on his face. Finally, he lifted his head up and said that he was going to get his gun (pistol) out of the tent and take it on in the house. And then, the verbal beating and story concocting began......
Everything he said started with, You, You, You, You, You.... You are always to blame. "For some reason you don't like that gun in there. For some reason you are uncomfortable with that gun in there and I have no idea why. He then went on to hatefully argue all the good reasons why we needed a loaded gun close by when we sleep. Hateful and guns do not go together in my book. Biggest reason I was uncomfortable with it in there, he has grown more and more full of hate since the gun was put in there, and he often acts quickly before he thinks. So YES, I was uncomfortable with that big, loaded pistol in there.
He went on and on and on criticizing me for being nervous about having a loaded gun in the tent. Then ... he compared guns to the dogs!!! Like a little child he whined, "You have all of these dogs in here. (I had those dogs when I moved, and the yard they are in was built for them) Dogs are just like a loaded gun, only you can't control when their trigger might go off. Dogs go off and "shoot" whenever they want, you can't control that. At any moment, just because they want to, a dog can pull his own trigger. They stay loaded all the time. And you might not be able to stop them. A dog is MUCH more dangerous than a gun!
For crying out loud! The man that is obsessed with guns, knives and other types of weapons, is whining that he is scared of dogs! Not just my dogs, all dogs! He can't get that if you are nice to a dog, if you never provoke a dog, it isn't going to "shoot" you. It will be loyal to you. But this isn't what this is all really about.
What actually is happening (in my opinion) is that he is creating his scenario, his 'story' if you will. He knows that I don't want to be here anymore, he knows that I am trying to find a way to leave, and he may be building up to kick me out (I strongly suspect that will happen any day, now). Before any of that happens, he needs to have a "story" ready to tell people, a story that will make me look like the monster. I have noticed that for about the past week he has been working on concocting this story. He can't possibly look bad. He has to create something that will make me look bad and him the victim. I see now that he has done this with his past wives. The "story" he told about each one of them that left always left me with questions. The stories didn't quite make sense. They now make sense, and I can clearly see that they, too, were the victims. They nearly all left in anger and extreme spite. I can now read in between the lines of every story that he told about every one of them. Now I see that all these senseless things that he is saying to me, about me, my critters, my belongings, all the untrue and ridiculous things he has said to berate me and confuse me, are to create that "story" he will tell when I leave, the one where he is once again the victim, where he just keeps picking women that turn out to be all alike, a man user that is crazy and he has no idea why they went nuts and left with so much spite. He is running scared now, scared that he will look bad to his family and handful of friends because another one left, because he can't hold a relationship. He wants to make sure he makes me out to be the villain and destroys me if I leave, destroys me FOR leaving. That is how I see it. It makes all the senseless make sense.
Signed - Betty Sue
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