The OFFICIAL break-up, sort of.

Yep, it is OFFICIALLY a 'break up'. A couple of months ago I called it off. "I" said that we were OVER! In my mind, in my thoughts, in my plans for the future, I never faltered from that.... IT WAS OVER!

T L Ogre, on the other hand, forbid it. We were still together. We were still a couple. We were still going to get married. I could not leave. No one else cared about me. Only he did. He forbid me to change my Facebook status, or else there would be a punishment. He would not "allow" me to break it off. Now, let me tell you, when someone tries to kill my dog, when someone tries to kill or harm my cats for the purpose of hurting me, when someone whacks my hand on purpose (with no remorse) with a big fire log in a moment of uncontrolled rage (went from 0 to 60 in just a couple of seconds), IT'S OVER!!!!

I kept quiet about it and didn't say any more as I started to try and figure out how to get out of here. His raging, tantrums and abuse worsened by the day. A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of one of his senseless rages, he said that there were going to be "some changes around here the first of the year!" He said no more after that. I didn't know if that was an empty threat to intimidate, or a discussion we were going to have or what.

About that time he also started something I would call Intimidation Brain Washing. He would have a bunch of concocted stuff all saved up, stuff that wasn't true and didn't make sense, catch me in a corner or sitting down in a chair, (were I couldn't escape. He now has lots of fun with me being Agoraphobic and uses it for his sadistic pleasure) then start screaming down at me, one nonsense thing right after another. You do this!  You do that! You don't do this! You don't do that! You won't change! You won't do what I tell you! You think this! You think that! You are stupid! You are stubborn! (I admit to that one) You are stubborn and stupid because you are Polish! Nobody cares about you! Your friends don't really like you, they just pretend! Actually, most of what he was screaming and raging is actually what he is guilty of. That kind of blew my mind. He screams and rages all these things at me that he does and shouldn't, or doesn't do and should.

It finally occurred to me the other day that he was building on his "scenario" to tell people when I left and it became obvious we were no longer together. He needs to save face. I mean, eleven wives before me left him - most of them in haste and revengeful anger - and countless live-ins. He has to save face with his family and few friends when another one leaves. Some of them really criticize him because he can't keep a relationship.

Then January 1st, I stopped to sit down in a chair a few minutes (outside) to catch my breath from chores, when he came up and, once again, towered over me in a corner. The raging, screaming, tirade began ...... a verbal beating with countless accusations that weren't true, didn't make any sense, and once again, most were what he is guilty of. And of course, more drilling it into me that everything around here that isn't done, isn't completed, is falling down from disrepair is MY fault and solely, MY fault. He finished with (still in a screaming rage, but like he had just thought of it) "You know, I'm not going to marry you! We aren't engaged any more!" I said, calmly and agreeably, "No, we aren't getting married. Not a chance." He stopped a moment with a very odd and puzzled look on his face. Then he screamed, "You need to get your stuff and your critters and get out of here! You can stay on the property until you find something, but I am no longer paying for anything! I'm done with you!" He then raced into the house and changed HIS Facebook status.

It became obvious that this "break up" was planned weeks ago, possibly even longer. HE had to be the one to break it off. HE had to make a production out of it. He had to get his 'story' created and organized before he put on his show. So I am in the tent that is becoming thin and brittle, and he has made his "home" in is pick up, sleeping in the sturdy walls of the cab.

Even though he says we are "over", he really doesn't mean quite that. He refuses to pay for anything any more, he has stripped me of all of my income earning opportunities (post on that shortly), he is scouring the dating sites and porn sites (but I discovered that he has been doing that for quite awhile), he is cleaning up things he always trashes and tells me not to clean because it is wasted time, yet he keeps talking about "we this" and "we that" and includes the word "we" not "I" when he talks about the future.  Reality is, in my eyes, he has someone else on the string and is ready for the newness of the relationship once again, yet still needs the control fix from attacking me. That makes a lot more make more sense. He still wants to be "together", but he is intensifying the "punishments" because I won't comply with his outrageous demands and he gets some kind of  'fix' from this. In no time, though, he will definitely be done with me when he wants to bring his next victim here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, have a blessed and happy day!


Signed - Betty Sue

Documenting the Fence Episodes

Sometimes, documenting all the incidences is a very wise thing to do. Through all of the stress and abuse, it can be very hard to do, but it is important. I am sure I have missed a lot that I should have documented, but I realized today how important this documentation is. When you go back and read some of the things you have written down, you can often see a pattern that will give you some answers.

In the video, when I say that the dogs had been abused at the last house I lived at, I meant that it was the neighbors that abused them, not anyone at my house. I made sure their yard when we moved them was very secure just so they didn't have any opportunity to get out. I spent a lot of time the past year trying to get them over the old neighbors' antics and get them friendly and loving again. (they always have been with me) Then T L Ogre started abusing and antagonizing some of them and has created an on edge situation. I now know that some of that was all part of his "set up". This is unbelievable. I don't know if he ever really loved me, or if this is where he was going right from the start.

Anyway, it appears, from all that he said today, that he may be planning on the dogs "accidentally" getting loose and getting them and me in trouble with the law. He is so viciously twisted!

Thanks for listening! May you have a Happy New Year!

Signed - Betty Sue

Wordless Wednesday - Basher Stick

Girlfriend Beater

Wordless Wednesday
This is the top end off the the one he used. The actual one he used to bash my hand with all of his might, was attached to the bottom of this one, was fatter and a little longer. It got tossed into the fire, but the other end of it I managed to get a picture of before it went into the fire. This tree branch had been evenly broken up into these lengths to cook dinner on.

He is Escalating Faster than I can Comprehend!!!

One second he is all sweet and nice, then that "switch" flips and he is a raging mad man! I have NEVER seen anything like this! I understand, now, why some of his past wives were so angry, so hurt, that they destroyed a lot of his stuff before they left. He is making one screaming, raging threat right after another that he is going to kill this animal and that animal, destroy my belongings, etc, if I don't live by HIS rules on HIS property. He had always said, so very sweetly, after I moved here, that it was OUR property, OUR home, now and I didn't have to keep asking if I could do this or that around here. He now says it is HIS property and treats me like his SLAVE. Actually, I think slaves get much better treatment!

He leaves me impossible chore lists to complete every day, now. He pins me in somewhere and I have to listen to yet another RAGING tirade filled with threats, name calling and other demeaning bursts, if I don't get it all completed. Or if I didn't get a different chore completed that I should have been 'smart' enough to know should have come ahead of one that he gave me. He sets me up, multiple times a day, now, for raging verbal beatings. My heart literally can't take it. I tremble all day, my heart races, and I can feel it pounding all through my body. I don't want to have another heart attack or mini stroke or a stroke. He doesn't care! I firmly believe, now, that that is what he is trying to do to me. More on that to come. My time on here is even shorter today, and he, once again, is saying he is going to turn the Internet off.

He says I am not making enough money with the Internet. I have no car to deliver things with, and I can't complete all those  chores AND get things posted and sold on the computer. There is NO way to win!

No time to proof read today, sorry. I will go back and do that some day when I have time.... if I ever escape from here.

Signed - Betty Sue

I HAVE TO ESCAPE!!!

T L Ogre is escalating by the day!! I HAVE to escape from here! I have no idea how. Like the frog in the boiling pot, he has little by little isolated me from the world. I now have little contact with my friends, Internet only, rarely the phone. He has more isolations planned.

I NEED HELP!!! Me and my critters need out of here before he kills us! I have no car, no money and nearly feel like I have no one to turn to that is capable of helping me. A plan will have to be set into place to get us all out at once or anyone left will be harmed. It is a farm. I have lots of chickens, a few ducks, a few goats, a rabbit, and lots of cats and dogs to move. Yes, they need to be fixed, and I want them fixed, but he spent the money to fix them with.

He is escalating at an alarming rate. He is jumping on anything that weakens me (such as a death in the family and my grief) to attack me harder.

He has busted my hand with a fire log and I think it is fractured.
He has tried to kill my 'service' dog. I managed to get him to stop the last time, but not until the dog appeared to be taking his last breath and T L Ogre made me watch!
He continues to threaten to kill that dog and other dogs and cats.
He said he is going to burn the old house on the property down if he catches another cat in it again the house is full of mice and rats).  That old house is falling down and is full of holes. I have no idea where any cats are getting in. I keep going in and getting them out, but they manage to keep getting in. I just hope and pray he doesn't see one again. Much of my belonging that I did get got moved from my foreclosed farm are stored in the old house. He said he isn't taking anything out, not even the cats, just going to set a match to it all! "It will go faster that way." I hope the cats get out and I am not blocked inside when it happens.
He says he is going to turn the Internet and house phone off. Our cell phones don't work here and I can't afford the one that does. ALL of my contact with the outside world will be gone when that happens. 

 I NEED HELP!!! PLEASE, SOMEONE HEAR ME AND BELIEVE ME!!!  I AM TERRIFIED! THIS IS THE BIGGEST NIGHTMARE I HAVE EVER BEEN IN IN MY LIFE!

Where to Start

I'm not sure where to even start. My fiance and I have been together for just over 5 years. The first 4.5 years were terrific! We didn't even have our first fight until just past the 4 year mark. But during that time, we lived in separate homes .  .  .  an hour apart.

Almost a year ago, I moved to his place (that is a long story in itself, that I will get to). Although life stunk, it was just a few days after  Christmas the we moved me and the dogs and we all had to move into a tent, we were getting along great. Everything was very good between us for several months.

Then one day, all HECK broke loose! He had gotten up (as usual) before me. He came back into the tent and had a very strange air about him. His color was dark, he looked somewhat swollen, and had a very indescribable look in his eyes. I we so worried that he was seriously sick, or something had happened to someone close so I sat on up and asked, "What's wrong?"

He went into a VERY unexpected, made-no-sense rage that lasted for a couple of hours. I will get to what the rage was about in another post. My time on here is extremely limited. If I get caught doing this blog, life will be worse, probably beyond my comprehension. But it was a daily event that had been occurring right along that I had no idea was a problem. It wasn't for me, not under the current circumstances we are living in.

It totally blew my mind and confused me beyond description, not to mention sent me into out of control tears. No more tears, now. Just strong determination to figure a way out of this mess!

As I said, I don't expect anyone to read my blog, but if you are, and my scrambled venting leaves you with questions, please feel free to ask. I need to go for now. I have a long chore list to complete. It isn't possible to complete it, so I will be in trouble for that. And I will do a lot of it wrong (in his eyes) and I will be in trouble for that, but I have to try my hardest to get as far as I can, the best that I can, until I can figure a out a way to escape from my nightmare.

Signed - Betty Sue