Yep, it is OFFICIALLY a 'break up'. A couple of months ago I called it off. "I" said that we were OVER! In my mind, in my thoughts, in my plans for the future, I never faltered from that.... IT WAS OVER!
T L Ogre, on the other hand, forbid it. We were still together. We were still a couple. We were still going to get married. I could not leave. No one else cared about me. Only he did. He forbid me to change my Facebook status, or else there would be a punishment. He would not "allow" me to break it off. Now, let me tell you, when someone tries to kill my dog, when someone tries to kill or harm my cats for the purpose of hurting me, when someone whacks my hand on purpose (with no remorse) with a big fire log in a moment of uncontrolled rage (went from 0 to 60 in just a couple of seconds), IT'S OVER!!!!
I kept quiet about it and didn't say any more as I started to try and figure out how to get out of here. His raging, tantrums and abuse worsened by the day. A couple of weeks ago, in the middle of one of his senseless rages, he said that there were going to be "some changes around here the first of the year!" He said no more after that. I didn't know if that was an empty threat to intimidate, or a discussion we were going to have or what.
About that time he also started something I would call Intimidation Brain Washing. He would have a bunch of concocted stuff all saved up, stuff that wasn't true and didn't make sense, catch me in a corner or sitting down in a chair, (were I couldn't escape. He now has lots of fun with me being Agoraphobic and uses it for his sadistic pleasure) then start screaming down at me, one nonsense thing right after another. You do this! You do that! You don't do this! You don't do that! You won't change! You won't do what I tell you! You think this! You think that! You are stupid! You are stubborn! (I admit to that one) You are stubborn and stupid because you are Polish! Nobody cares about you! Your friends don't really like you, they just pretend! Actually, most of what he was screaming and raging is actually what he is guilty of. That kind of blew my mind. He screams and rages all these things at me that he does and shouldn't, or doesn't do and should.
It finally occurred to me the other day that he was building on his "scenario" to tell people when I left and it became obvious we were no longer together. He needs to save face. I mean, eleven wives before me left him - most of them in haste and revengeful anger - and countless live-ins. He has to save face with his family and few friends when another one leaves. Some of them really criticize him because he can't keep a relationship.
Then January 1st, I stopped to sit down in a chair a few minutes (outside) to catch my breath from chores, when he came up and, once again, towered over me in a corner. The raging, screaming, tirade began ...... a verbal beating with countless accusations that weren't true, didn't make any sense, and once again, most were what he is guilty of. And of course, more drilling it into me that everything around here that isn't done, isn't completed, is falling down from disrepair is MY fault and solely, MY fault. He finished with (still in a screaming rage, but like he had just thought of it) "You know, I'm not going to marry you! We aren't engaged any more!" I said, calmly and agreeably, "No, we aren't getting married. Not a chance." He stopped a moment with a very odd and puzzled look on his face. Then he screamed, "You need to get your stuff and your critters and get out of here! You can stay on the property until you find something, but I am no longer paying for anything! I'm done with you!" He then raced into the house and changed HIS Facebook status.
It became obvious that this "break up" was planned weeks ago, possibly even longer. HE had to be the one to break it off. HE had to make a production out of it. He had to get his 'story' created and organized before he put on his show. So I am in the tent that is becoming thin and brittle, and he has made his "home" in is pick up, sleeping in the sturdy walls of the cab.
Even though he says we are "over", he really doesn't mean quite that. He refuses to pay for anything any more, he has stripped me of all of my income earning opportunities (post on that shortly), he is scouring the dating sites and porn sites (but I discovered that he has been doing that for quite awhile), he is cleaning up things he always trashes and tells me not to clean because it is wasted time, yet he keeps talking about "we this" and "we that" and includes the word "we" not "I" when he talks about the future. Reality is, in my eyes, he has someone else on the string and is ready for the newness of the relationship once again, yet still needs the control fix from attacking me. That makes a lot more make more sense. He still wants to be "together", but he is intensifying the "punishments" because I won't comply with his outrageous demands and he gets some kind of 'fix' from this. In no time, though, he will definitely be done with me when he wants to bring his next victim here.
Thanks for listening, thanks for caring, have a blessed and happy day!
Signed - Betty Sue
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Documenting the Fence Episodes
Sometimes, documenting all the incidences is a very wise thing to do. Through all of the stress and abuse, it can be very hard to do, but it is important. I am sure I have missed a lot that I should have documented, but I realized today how important this documentation is. When you go back and read some of the things you have written down, you can often see a pattern that will give you some answers.
In the video, when I say that the dogs had been abused at the last house I lived at, I meant that it was the neighbors that abused them, not anyone at my house. I made sure their yard when we moved them was very secure just so they didn't have any opportunity to get out. I spent a lot of time the past year trying to get them over the old neighbors' antics and get them friendly and loving again. (they always have been with me) Then T L Ogre started abusing and antagonizing some of them and has created an on edge situation. I now know that some of that was all part of his "set up". This is unbelievable. I don't know if he ever really loved me, or if this is where he was going right from the start.
Anyway, it appears, from all that he said today, that he may be planning on the dogs "accidentally" getting loose and getting them and me in trouble with the law. He is so viciously twisted!
Thanks for listening! May you have a Happy New Year!
Signed - Betty Sue
In the video, when I say that the dogs had been abused at the last house I lived at, I meant that it was the neighbors that abused them, not anyone at my house. I made sure their yard when we moved them was very secure just so they didn't have any opportunity to get out. I spent a lot of time the past year trying to get them over the old neighbors' antics and get them friendly and loving again. (they always have been with me) Then T L Ogre started abusing and antagonizing some of them and has created an on edge situation. I now know that some of that was all part of his "set up". This is unbelievable. I don't know if he ever really loved me, or if this is where he was going right from the start.
Anyway, it appears, from all that he said today, that he may be planning on the dogs "accidentally" getting loose and getting them and me in trouble with the law. He is so viciously twisted!
Thanks for listening! May you have a Happy New Year!
Signed - Betty Sue
I Could File for Disablity, but
I could file for Social Security Disability and have no doubt I would receive 100%. I was told by my last doctor, years ago, (actually ordered, not just told) not to ever work again and insisted that I file for disability. He said he would write it up as 100% right off. I just wasn't ready, yet, and I had also been given some miss information. I was told I could never make a penny and would be dependent on that amount. I have since found out that that isn't true. I could work/sell and earn a little, just not a lot.
I have been determined ever since, for the past several years, that I still had some abilities and as long as I worked for myself, I could work at my own pace and still earn a living. There were a lot of road blocks with that, too, and here I sit, penniless and feeling like I am being held hostage. Since that Dr. order several years back, I have also had many more health issues either worsen or come up.
I finally decided a few weeks ago that it might be time to file for that disability. As soon as I said it, T L Ogre got excited and was all for it. A few hours later, he said, "You would get a lot of back pay by the time you got it started." then proceeded to tell me how he would spend that back pay (a project that is crumbling like the house). A little more conversing and it became obvious that he, himself would totally dictate where every penny of the check would go.
As much as I could use it right now, I am thinking I still need to hold off a bit longer on filing for that disability. I am still thinking on it, but not sure it would be wise. Then, too, there would be the problem of getting to qualifying Dr.s appointments. I would have to depend on the ogre to get me to my appointments and I fear that, too, would turn into just another control tool. This one has been a hard decision to ponder.
Thanks for listening. When I get on here and see that people have been on here and reading my posts, it helps me to not feel so alone. It is such a warm and comforting feeling! Thank You!
Signed - Betty Sue
I have been determined ever since, for the past several years, that I still had some abilities and as long as I worked for myself, I could work at my own pace and still earn a living. There were a lot of road blocks with that, too, and here I sit, penniless and feeling like I am being held hostage. Since that Dr. order several years back, I have also had many more health issues either worsen or come up.
I finally decided a few weeks ago that it might be time to file for that disability. As soon as I said it, T L Ogre got excited and was all for it. A few hours later, he said, "You would get a lot of back pay by the time you got it started." then proceeded to tell me how he would spend that back pay (a project that is crumbling like the house). A little more conversing and it became obvious that he, himself would totally dictate where every penny of the check would go.
As much as I could use it right now, I am thinking I still need to hold off a bit longer on filing for that disability. I am still thinking on it, but not sure it would be wise. Then, too, there would be the problem of getting to qualifying Dr.s appointments. I would have to depend on the ogre to get me to my appointments and I fear that, too, would turn into just another control tool. This one has been a hard decision to ponder.
Thanks for listening. When I get on here and see that people have been on here and reading my posts, it helps me to not feel so alone. It is such a warm and comforting feeling! Thank You!
Signed - Betty Sue
Update on Cooking
I previously posted about not being able to cook after dark, not even when it gets dark at 5pm. I don't think that went as he had planned. I don't know how he expected me to accomplish that, but then that is what he is doing, giving me impossible to reach chores, commands, etc, then goes off in a rage when I can't meet his demands.
Over about a week and a half, we ended up getting to eat one hot meal. All the rest were really cold left overs, or stuff out of a can, like ravioli. I had even begged one day to cook some hamburger patties. We had the meat thawed out, the fire was already going, but he just said, "Oh, well. Sorry, can't help ya." But after about a week and a half of cold meals, he came out one day and threw a big, screaming, raging fit because he was sick of cold meals! He screamed that if a fire was already burning (I had been cooking dog food on it), I needed to cook us something, too. He said that it had to be something quick cook, but he needed something hot to eat! We have since gotten a few hot meals. Not every day, but a few.
He knows how much I like to cook, how much I am missing having a kitchen, and he is now zoning in on the cooking aspect to control me, to manipulate me, to break me down. One day he says one thing, the next day he says another and I am supposed to figure out that he changed his mind. It is all part of a controllers way to keep you upset, broken down, and ready to install their ways into your mind. They are miserable people and they want you to be miserable with them.
His manipulations and controlling ways have now centered heavily around cooking and food. I will try to write and/or talk about that as much as I can in the coming week. None of it makes sense, of course, other than to break down, confuse and control. I have also had to start hiding some foods because he keeps eating up my favorite things and I have no way to get to a store to purchase any more of anything. He now makes all the grocery buying choices. I can ask for something, but he has to approve it. Ugh! Not exactly my idea of a good way to lose weight. We do still have food, but variety is beginning to dwindle and some basic staples are running low. Time will tell.
Thanks for listening to my vent. Have a Happy & Blessed New Year!
Signed - Betty Sue
Over about a week and a half, we ended up getting to eat one hot meal. All the rest were really cold left overs, or stuff out of a can, like ravioli. I had even begged one day to cook some hamburger patties. We had the meat thawed out, the fire was already going, but he just said, "Oh, well. Sorry, can't help ya." But after about a week and a half of cold meals, he came out one day and threw a big, screaming, raging fit because he was sick of cold meals! He screamed that if a fire was already burning (I had been cooking dog food on it), I needed to cook us something, too. He said that it had to be something quick cook, but he needed something hot to eat! We have since gotten a few hot meals. Not every day, but a few.
He knows how much I like to cook, how much I am missing having a kitchen, and he is now zoning in on the cooking aspect to control me, to manipulate me, to break me down. One day he says one thing, the next day he says another and I am supposed to figure out that he changed his mind. It is all part of a controllers way to keep you upset, broken down, and ready to install their ways into your mind. They are miserable people and they want you to be miserable with them.
His manipulations and controlling ways have now centered heavily around cooking and food. I will try to write and/or talk about that as much as I can in the coming week. None of it makes sense, of course, other than to break down, confuse and control. I have also had to start hiding some foods because he keeps eating up my favorite things and I have no way to get to a store to purchase any more of anything. He now makes all the grocery buying choices. I can ask for something, but he has to approve it. Ugh! Not exactly my idea of a good way to lose weight. We do still have food, but variety is beginning to dwindle and some basic staples are running low. Time will tell.
Thanks for listening to my vent. Have a Happy & Blessed New Year!
Signed - Betty Sue
Have Car, Doesn't Run
My car ..... I say I don't have a car, but actually, I should say that I don't have a running vehicle. I actually do have a car, and I absolutely love it, but it doesn't run. It was running when I moved it here just a little over a year ago, but it did need some repairs. T L Ogre parked it in the brush and there it still sits, flat tire and all. I have no idea where the title ended up in the move, either.
He kept saying he was going to fix it, but it sat for months before he took a "look" at it. By then, the engine was filled with rats' nests and they had chewed the wiring all up, so now it needs far more repairs than it did. The transmission hadn't gone completely out, yet, but it was starting to have issues. He has no intentions of repairing it, now. He just keeps saying it isn't worth it (he hates that car and hates working on it). I LOVE my car!
My car gets great gas mileage when running, and seats 6 adults plus two children. Seats can be laid down for hauling stuff. It is a really good car for me. It just doesn't take really rough roads, though, dirt roads, yes, but not roads with super deep ruts and boulders. It needs quite a few repairs because it has been so long since it has been updated, but I like it much better than newer cars and I don't think the repairs would cost nearly as much as a new car, plus the insurance is far lower than on a new car and so is the tag.
Tag.... it is now past due by about a month. We were supposed to black tag it (at least, that is what we talked about and decided on). I had the money at one point to tag my car, but he would not take me to the tag office to tag it. I had no other way to get there. (Remember, we live way out in the boonies, miles from the nearest town.) I told him that I would black tag it no matter how long it took (adding a dollar a day in penalties), that I would not be manipulated out of tagging it. But there it still sits, being used for storage, which he also throws a fit about. If I love something, he wants to destroy it to hurt me, that is the way of late. I think if I wasn't using it for storage, he would have hauled it off for scrap by now (he talked about doing just that).
As I said, I had the money at one point to tag it, but now it will cost more than double and adding to that each and every day. He also insisted that that money had to go for other things that were more urgent. He is making absolute sure I don't have any transportation of my own. He had also said last year that he was going to get me a car out of the income tax return. Nope, never happened and I don't think he ever really intended to.
You never know how much you take things for granted until you don't have them. I have not been able to drive myself anywhere, not even to run to the grocery store, in nearly a year, and months before that. The last time I got to drive myself anywhere was last February. My granddaughter was born and I and a couple of other relatives all drove together (next state over) for the blessed event. I got to be the driver! We made a stop at a store on the way and it felt soooo gooood!!! That was the last time I got to drive, or take myself anywhere alone. The last time before that was when I moved m car here. I need to be helping my mom drive around to do her errands and run to Dr.'s appointments. He does all of that for his sister, but I am being kept from doing any of that for my nearly 90 year old mom. She has to do all of that herself and hunt other people to get her to long distance appointments. It just isn't right!
People, having your own wheels, no matter how good or bad they might look, as long as it makes it from point A to point B safely, is such a blessing! Never take a running vehicle for granted. If I ever get a vehicle again and can take my own self places, it will be pure bliss!
Thanks for stopping in.
Signed - Betty Sue
He kept saying he was going to fix it, but it sat for months before he took a "look" at it. By then, the engine was filled with rats' nests and they had chewed the wiring all up, so now it needs far more repairs than it did. The transmission hadn't gone completely out, yet, but it was starting to have issues. He has no intentions of repairing it, now. He just keeps saying it isn't worth it (he hates that car and hates working on it). I LOVE my car!
My car gets great gas mileage when running, and seats 6 adults plus two children. Seats can be laid down for hauling stuff. It is a really good car for me. It just doesn't take really rough roads, though, dirt roads, yes, but not roads with super deep ruts and boulders. It needs quite a few repairs because it has been so long since it has been updated, but I like it much better than newer cars and I don't think the repairs would cost nearly as much as a new car, plus the insurance is far lower than on a new car and so is the tag.
Tag.... it is now past due by about a month. We were supposed to black tag it (at least, that is what we talked about and decided on). I had the money at one point to tag my car, but he would not take me to the tag office to tag it. I had no other way to get there. (Remember, we live way out in the boonies, miles from the nearest town.) I told him that I would black tag it no matter how long it took (adding a dollar a day in penalties), that I would not be manipulated out of tagging it. But there it still sits, being used for storage, which he also throws a fit about. If I love something, he wants to destroy it to hurt me, that is the way of late. I think if I wasn't using it for storage, he would have hauled it off for scrap by now (he talked about doing just that).
As I said, I had the money at one point to tag it, but now it will cost more than double and adding to that each and every day. He also insisted that that money had to go for other things that were more urgent. He is making absolute sure I don't have any transportation of my own. He had also said last year that he was going to get me a car out of the income tax return. Nope, never happened and I don't think he ever really intended to.
You never know how much you take things for granted until you don't have them. I have not been able to drive myself anywhere, not even to run to the grocery store, in nearly a year, and months before that. The last time I got to drive myself anywhere was last February. My granddaughter was born and I and a couple of other relatives all drove together (next state over) for the blessed event. I got to be the driver! We made a stop at a store on the way and it felt soooo gooood!!! That was the last time I got to drive, or take myself anywhere alone. The last time before that was when I moved m car here. I need to be helping my mom drive around to do her errands and run to Dr.'s appointments. He does all of that for his sister, but I am being kept from doing any of that for my nearly 90 year old mom. She has to do all of that herself and hunt other people to get her to long distance appointments. It just isn't right!
People, having your own wheels, no matter how good or bad they might look, as long as it makes it from point A to point B safely, is such a blessing! Never take a running vehicle for granted. If I ever get a vehicle again and can take my own self places, it will be pure bliss!
Thanks for stopping in.
Signed - Betty Sue
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
