It has now been 4 months since the Ogre violently whacked my hand with a large fire log while in one of his extreme rages. It has been horrible, and literally given me nightmares as I relive it in my sleep, but I do feel very fortunate that it wasn't my head. As he had held that fire log high in the air that day, his face filled with rage, his eyes darted back and forth between my hand and my head as he appeared to momentarily ponder where to make his first hit, my arm/hand or my head. I was frozen with fear and the wild, dark, angry look in his eyes had convinced me that he was going to bash my head. He had ended up choosing my hand, raised the log back up as if to swing it again as he glared at my head, my eyes pleading with him to not hit me again, but then suddenly threw it down and physically went for my dog that was then huddled close by in great fear, no longer growling nor nor snapping at the Ogre, just huddled in total fear. I am trying to put this past me, but somehow, I still keep reliving it, especially in my sleep.
I am still at a plateau in my healing. I still have a lot of pain in my hand, especially in one particular area. When there is pressure against it, it actually feels like a bone splinter is trying to poke through my skin. When I hold onto something really warm to hot, it feels wonderful! When my hand gets cold or touches anything cold, especially like picking up an ice cube, it hurts like crud!
There is still a lot of numbness and tingling in the tips of several of my fingers and when I have to push my hand and use it for a length of time, it goes almost completely numb. That numbness and tingling are even more frustrating and much harder to live with than the pain and swelling.
The worst and most upsetting and frustrating part, though, is the lack of mechanics in my hand, now. As I said before, this was my dominant hand. On top of that, I had to put extra work on this hand because I had a really bad injury in my other hand years ago and it tires easily, aches with heavy use, and gives out easily. Now the mechanics of this hand are all messed up. Even typing is very difficult. I have to really concentrate and work at getting the message from my mind to my hand, now, to type anything. If I am typing absently mindedly, my page becomes just a jibberish mess. My hand pops open at the slightest bit of pressure on it which causes me to drop nearly everything I forget and pick up with it, which results in a lot of spilled and/or broken stuff, which in turn, wastes a lot of stuff and costs a lot of money I don't have to spare. Lifting anything with this hand is still nearly impossible. I am beginning to push it just a bit, though, lifting lighter stuff and holding it a few seconds, to try and hopefully begin to strengthen it back up as much as possible.
My shoulder hasn't totally healed from that night (it was injured, also, from the impact of the Ogre's swing and hit with the fire log as my arm swung backwards.) but it has made great improvements. Some days I forget now that it was hurt. I am hoping that that is a good sign that my shoulder, at least, will completely heal.
T L Ogre still has never apologized for smacking my hand with that fire log. He seems to still have the attitude that I needed to be punished for not letting him kill my dog. Deep down, though, I think he realizes what a mistake he made. No, he still isn't remorseful, just scared stiff that I will tell someone and they might think badly of him. He worries so much about people possibly thinking bad of him. Four months ago, I was still stuck back here in my isolated corner, cut off from most of the rest of the world. Now, in order for me to be able to move out, I am in contact with quite a few people and I finally got some wheels so I can begin to move once I am finally closed on the land. He has started carrying the heavier things for me, and subtly doing "nice" things for me as often as he can, things that will take pressure off of that hand. He is seeing that four months down the line, it isn't healing. He sees that as I make land arrangements, hopefully find some friends to help me move, search for a doctor for my hand, just sees in general that other people are going to see that I am having issues with my hand and want to know why. I feel like he is buttering me up, hoping I won't "tell". This is so friggin' frustrating! The emotional pain from my hand injury, too, is far worse, even, than the physical pain. I still hold on to hope that somehow, my hand will have a full recovery and be my strong, dominant hand once again.
Thanks for stopping by and have a beautiful day.
Signed - Betty Sue
Showing posts with label broken hand. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken hand. Show all posts
Monday, March 20, 2017
Friday, January 20, 2017
Two Month Update on My Bashed Hand
It was two months ago today that T L Ogre bashed my hand, badly injuring it. It is still far from healed and I am beginning to wonder if the damage to it is permanent. I really need to go and get it checked, I just have no way to get there, not sure where to go in this town, can't afford a bill, and scared to leave the critters alone with him while I go anywhere.
I do have some small improvements in my hand. I am able to use it some, now, but any pressure on it induces a lot of pain and tingly numbness. The tingly numbness is improving some, but there is still a lot there. At least, over the past week or so, the tingly numbness hasn't run quite all the way up to my shoulder. It has stayed more localized in my hand and wrist, with the majority of it in my hand and fingers. Just as when it first happened, when I have used it too much and the tingly numbness sets in hard, it feels like my fingers have, or are about to, blow off.
My hand draws up a lot, too, curling my straight fingers around and in to the center of my palm. This especially happens when it is tired from use (which doesn't take long) or it is cold. It happens really badly when my hand gets cold or the weather turns off colder. This really sends pains shooting through it! It is pretty much impossible to use it at all when it does this drawing up.
I have learned to use my wrist in place of my hand a lot. This creates even more pain, though, because that wrist is weak with arthritis. The extra use on my wrist makes it swell up and hurt almost beyond use. So.... I move on up and learn to use my forearm more in place of my wrist and hand. This still eliminates a lot of things I am able to do that absolutely requires a full hand with strength. Remember, this is my dominant, strong hand, too. I truly feel blessed, though, that I can write with either hand.
The area where I am positive a bone was broken still swells up daily. Sometimes the swelling doesn't go down at all. Over the past week I have tried to knit a bit again, thinking it is time to work my hand a little more and more fine tuned. Not sure if this was wise, because the possible broken spot has swelled up the biggest it has swelled in weeks and the pain has drastically increased, again. I just wish I knew if by using it, I am helping it or making it worse. I can't even begin to express to you how far down it takes me to have one of my hands out of commission! We take our hands far too much for granted. With so much arthritis in my legs and back, I have to put a lot of weight and pressure on both of my hands to get into and back up out of chairs, or anywhere I sit. With even one of my hands messed up, it makes getting in and out of a seat soooo much harder! .... sometimes nearly impossible. Even just scooting back up in the chair when I start sliding down, is difficult to nearly impossible at times, due to this bashed up hand. I badly injured my other hand years ago and arthritis set up in it, so this hand has had to take a lot of the load off of the other hand. Now, at the moment, getting my own self around (up and down, especially) has become extremely difficult.
The motor skills in my hand that T L Ogre bashed up are also still not functioning properly. I can't put pressure on it and anything that requires fine tuned motor skills just doesn't work, yet. It is so frustrating. Even something as simple as picking up a dog food kibble becomes a frustrating, nearly impossible task. I have to focus really hard, and make several tries to pick something like that up. Usually I give up and use the other hand. Sometimes I have to just completely give up the task at hand.
Today, at the two month mark, my hand is not cooperating well with typing. I am having a hard time hitting the proper keys and the backspace button is still my best friend on this keyboard. My hand is very slow to react, too, especially my fingers. My mind is typing away, but my hand/fingers just won't move even close to that fast. The spot where I am positive a bone was/is broken, is swelled up bigger than it has been in a couple of weeks. This is sooo frustrating! Oh, how I wish he had never hit me!!! And still today, he has no remorse for hitting my hand with that big fat tree branch. He still feels that I somehow deserved it. I have mentioned it a few times, about how bad my hand is and how bad it hurts. He just gives me a dirty look, shrugs his shoulders and walks away. I was in so much shock that he would do such a thing to me. I was in even more shock that he had no remorse nor guilt for doing it. I was beyond shock to the point of stunned numbness that he felt I deserved it. I just don't get how anyone can be that void of feeling, and that intent on hurting others because they hurt, so someone else has to hurt, too. I truly hope and pray I can get all of us out of here before something even worse happens.
Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day.
Signed - Betty Sue
I do have some small improvements in my hand. I am able to use it some, now, but any pressure on it induces a lot of pain and tingly numbness. The tingly numbness is improving some, but there is still a lot there. At least, over the past week or so, the tingly numbness hasn't run quite all the way up to my shoulder. It has stayed more localized in my hand and wrist, with the majority of it in my hand and fingers. Just as when it first happened, when I have used it too much and the tingly numbness sets in hard, it feels like my fingers have, or are about to, blow off.
My hand draws up a lot, too, curling my straight fingers around and in to the center of my palm. This especially happens when it is tired from use (which doesn't take long) or it is cold. It happens really badly when my hand gets cold or the weather turns off colder. This really sends pains shooting through it! It is pretty much impossible to use it at all when it does this drawing up.
I have learned to use my wrist in place of my hand a lot. This creates even more pain, though, because that wrist is weak with arthritis. The extra use on my wrist makes it swell up and hurt almost beyond use. So.... I move on up and learn to use my forearm more in place of my wrist and hand. This still eliminates a lot of things I am able to do that absolutely requires a full hand with strength. Remember, this is my dominant, strong hand, too. I truly feel blessed, though, that I can write with either hand.
The area where I am positive a bone was broken still swells up daily. Sometimes the swelling doesn't go down at all. Over the past week I have tried to knit a bit again, thinking it is time to work my hand a little more and more fine tuned. Not sure if this was wise, because the possible broken spot has swelled up the biggest it has swelled in weeks and the pain has drastically increased, again. I just wish I knew if by using it, I am helping it or making it worse. I can't even begin to express to you how far down it takes me to have one of my hands out of commission! We take our hands far too much for granted. With so much arthritis in my legs and back, I have to put a lot of weight and pressure on both of my hands to get into and back up out of chairs, or anywhere I sit. With even one of my hands messed up, it makes getting in and out of a seat soooo much harder! .... sometimes nearly impossible. Even just scooting back up in the chair when I start sliding down, is difficult to nearly impossible at times, due to this bashed up hand. I badly injured my other hand years ago and arthritis set up in it, so this hand has had to take a lot of the load off of the other hand. Now, at the moment, getting my own self around (up and down, especially) has become extremely difficult.
The motor skills in my hand that T L Ogre bashed up are also still not functioning properly. I can't put pressure on it and anything that requires fine tuned motor skills just doesn't work, yet. It is so frustrating. Even something as simple as picking up a dog food kibble becomes a frustrating, nearly impossible task. I have to focus really hard, and make several tries to pick something like that up. Usually I give up and use the other hand. Sometimes I have to just completely give up the task at hand.
Today, at the two month mark, my hand is not cooperating well with typing. I am having a hard time hitting the proper keys and the backspace button is still my best friend on this keyboard. My hand is very slow to react, too, especially my fingers. My mind is typing away, but my hand/fingers just won't move even close to that fast. The spot where I am positive a bone was/is broken, is swelled up bigger than it has been in a couple of weeks. This is sooo frustrating! Oh, how I wish he had never hit me!!! And still today, he has no remorse for hitting my hand with that big fat tree branch. He still feels that I somehow deserved it. I have mentioned it a few times, about how bad my hand is and how bad it hurts. He just gives me a dirty look, shrugs his shoulders and walks away. I was in so much shock that he would do such a thing to me. I was in even more shock that he had no remorse nor guilt for doing it. I was beyond shock to the point of stunned numbness that he felt I deserved it. I just don't get how anyone can be that void of feeling, and that intent on hurting others because they hurt, so someone else has to hurt, too. I truly hope and pray I can get all of us out of here before something even worse happens.
Thanks for stopping in. Have a great day.
Signed - Betty Sue
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Busted Hand and Bulging Eyes
I said I would eventually give you more indepth details of the night my hand was busted, and here it is. I went with video on this one because it was just too long for my aching, tingly hand to type out. His rage that night was some of the most extreme I have seen. He went from calm to extreme rage in a matter of seconds. It tells me that he has no problem with keeping me "in line" with physical abuse, now, even if it might permanently disable me. He gets more and more comfortable with each and every "attack" on me, be it physical, emotional, verbal, or on one of my critters. This is very concerning, as I can't (and don't want to) imagine what will be next.
Well over a month later, I am still having much issues with my hand. The numbness just won't subside. Today the ends of most of my fingers on that hand are numb and tingly, reaching most of the way up my arm to my shoulder. He has no remorse. He doesn't care. He still holds with, "You should have moved your hand." and "I figured you would have moved it." He cuts no slack on my list of chores. Actually, he helps me even less with the things he used to help me with and has increased what is expected of me. He is getting annoyed that my injured hand is slowing me down.
I truly hope the damage to it isn't permanent. It is my dominant hand. I need BOTH of my hands. This stinks!
Thanks for stopping in! Please keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts.
Signed - Betty Sue
Well over a month later, I am still having much issues with my hand. The numbness just won't subside. Today the ends of most of my fingers on that hand are numb and tingly, reaching most of the way up my arm to my shoulder. He has no remorse. He doesn't care. He still holds with, "You should have moved your hand." and "I figured you would have moved it." He cuts no slack on my list of chores. Actually, he helps me even less with the things he used to help me with and has increased what is expected of me. He is getting annoyed that my injured hand is slowing me down.
I truly hope the damage to it isn't permanent. It is my dominant hand. I need BOTH of my hands. This stinks!
Thanks for stopping in! Please keep me in your prayers and positive thoughts.
Signed - Betty Sue
Friday, December 16, 2016
That Flicker of Light is Gone Again
Yesterday morning, there was a flicker of light again. His old self returned for a few hours. But by last night, T L Ogre was back with a vengeance! This morning was even worse! I just don't know hoe I am going to take this until I can figure a way out of here! My poor old heart (literally) can't take it.
He caught me feeding some of that outdoor cats this morning and that set him off in a rage. Some of those cats were indoor cats and one of them just suspiciously lost a still born litter and she is old. She needs to be fixed!
The name calling is greatly increasing. He is especially making fun of my heritage. He has been calling me Polish Stubborn, over and over. He says I am so stubborn because I am Polish and bashes me being Polish in other ways, too. "Stubborn" translates to, "You won't let me control you!"
This morning he screamed at me that I was STUPID because I am Polish. He just kept saying that I am STUPID because I am Polish and that everyone Polish is STUPID!!!
A few days ago, and I am not even sure where it came from, he was in one of his violent, raging tirades and started SCREAMING at me, "You don't have ANY friends! No one is your friend! You don't have ANY friends around here, and you don't have ANY friends online. None of them are really your friend. NO ONE likes you! They all just PRETEND to be your friend! You have NO ONE!
Then it went on further to tell me that he DID have friends but he hasn't gotten to spend time with them since we got together, that it is my fault for that.
I have to get off of here for now. My bashed hand is killing me and I have a long, hard chore day ahead of me. We are supposed to have a super hard freeze the next few days. Single digits at night, low 20s by day (F), and many, many critters are not prepared for it. No hay and I need my hand to rake leaves, gather bricks to heat, and fire wood. Plus, yet more puppies are being born right now. They need to be fixed!
Come on..... just beam me and my critter babies up, Scottie, up and over to a piece of land and a home of our own!
Signed - Betty Sue
He caught me feeding some of that outdoor cats this morning and that set him off in a rage. Some of those cats were indoor cats and one of them just suspiciously lost a still born litter and she is old. She needs to be fixed!
The name calling is greatly increasing. He is especially making fun of my heritage. He has been calling me Polish Stubborn, over and over. He says I am so stubborn because I am Polish and bashes me being Polish in other ways, too. "Stubborn" translates to, "You won't let me control you!"
This morning he screamed at me that I was STUPID because I am Polish. He just kept saying that I am STUPID because I am Polish and that everyone Polish is STUPID!!!
A few days ago, and I am not even sure where it came from, he was in one of his violent, raging tirades and started SCREAMING at me, "You don't have ANY friends! No one is your friend! You don't have ANY friends around here, and you don't have ANY friends online. None of them are really your friend. NO ONE likes you! They all just PRETEND to be your friend! You have NO ONE!
Then it went on further to tell me that he DID have friends but he hasn't gotten to spend time with them since we got together, that it is my fault for that.
I have to get off of here for now. My bashed hand is killing me and I have a long, hard chore day ahead of me. We are supposed to have a super hard freeze the next few days. Single digits at night, low 20s by day (F), and many, many critters are not prepared for it. No hay and I need my hand to rake leaves, gather bricks to heat, and fire wood. Plus, yet more puppies are being born right now. They need to be fixed!
Come on..... just beam me and my critter babies up, Scottie, up and over to a piece of land and a home of our own!
Signed - Betty Sue
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
T L Ogre Bashed my Hand!
My time is ultra limited, today. T L Ogre is beyond out of control. He stops raging just long enough to catch his breath and collect himself (and think of his next raging subject), then his rage hits again. I never saw anything like it, except on TV.
He bashed my hand with a fire log in November. Yes, it was on purpose and during one of his heightened rages. He wasn't sorry, either, and refused to let me slow down with it in mind. Looks like it broke a bone in it and it still hurts nearly a month later, sometimes pretty badly. I am having great difficulties holding on to anything in that hand, some things I can't hold at all. My fingers in that hand are still tingly and numb, much more so after I have used it for a couple of hours. I have not been able to do any knitting, crocheting or sewing since so, consequently, no Christmas gifts are made, not even for my grand kids. This absolutely breaks my heart!
Typing is very difficult and painful, too. What a nightmare! I will post more on what all was behind this soon, too. I will probably do most of it in a video, as it will probably be too much typing all at once for my hand. Stay tuned, though. Thank you for taking the time to read. I need to get off of here and get back to my chores, now.
signed - Betty Sue
He bashed my hand with a fire log in November. Yes, it was on purpose and during one of his heightened rages. He wasn't sorry, either, and refused to let me slow down with it in mind. Looks like it broke a bone in it and it still hurts nearly a month later, sometimes pretty badly. I am having great difficulties holding on to anything in that hand, some things I can't hold at all. My fingers in that hand are still tingly and numb, much more so after I have used it for a couple of hours. I have not been able to do any knitting, crocheting or sewing since so, consequently, no Christmas gifts are made, not even for my grand kids. This absolutely breaks my heart!
Typing is very difficult and painful, too. What a nightmare! I will post more on what all was behind this soon, too. I will probably do most of it in a video, as it will probably be too much typing all at once for my hand. Stay tuned, though. Thank you for taking the time to read. I need to get off of here and get back to my chores, now.
signed - Betty Sue
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